There was something deeply unsettling about being part of a holy crusade led by a glowing, radiant priestess with a small army of knights behind her…

  Especially when you—the sarcastic, underqualified, morally flexible, absolutely-normal-dude-from-another-world—were somehow considered a “key asset.”

  And yet, here I was.

  Walking in formation alongside actual knights—men in gleaming silver and steel armor, carrying polished halberds and broadswords that probably cost more than my entire skill bance—trying not to trip over my own feet.

  “You look ridiculous,” Elise said beside me, casually adjusting her bowstring.

  “Gee, thanks,” I muttered. “I’ll add that to my self-esteem scrapbook.”

  “You’re hunched like you’re expecting an ambush.”

  “I am expecting an ambush. We’re walking into a horror movie, not a spring picnic.”

  Ahead of us, Seraphina led the way, golden staff in hand, her robe shimmering like she had her own personal lighting crew. Behind her, two rows of knights marched in perfect sync.

  Even Garron looked impressed. And Garron doesn’t get impressed—he just grunts in different tones.

  “I forgot how unnerving knights can be,” he said, eyeing the soldiers behind us. “They haven’t even broken formation once.”

  “Yeah, I noticed that too,” I said. “It’s like they’ve trained for this.”

  Elise snorted. “Imagine that. Soldiers being trained.”

  Behind us, I heard the faintest sound of shuffling.

  I turned around and spotted a figure ducking behind a tree just off the trail.

  “…Rowan?” I called.

  “Hey,” his voice whispered back.

  I jumped slightly. “By all that is holy—don’t do that!”

  Elise chuckled again. “You’re so easy to spook.”

  “I wasn’t spooked. I was startled. Totally different thing.”

  Rowan slinked out of the shadows, looking very pleased with himself. “Didn’t want to walk in the open. I like my organs where they are.”

  I pointed at the twenty knights ahead of us. “You do realize we’re literally marching with a holy-armored meat wall, right?”

  Rowan shrugged. “Doesn’t mean something won’t try to fnk us.”

  He had a point.

  Still, it was surreal. Three days ago, I was arguing about cup noodles and overpriced forks. Now I was part of a literal purification expedition.

  “I’m not qualified for this,” I muttered.

  “Good news,” Elise said. “You’re not in charge.”

  “Bad news,” I said, “Seraphina thinks I’m useful.”

  Garron grunted. “That’s your fault.”

  “Don’t remind me.”

  Up ahead, Seraphina raised her hand. The knights stopped in perfect unison—like clockwork.

  She turned, her golden hair flowing dramatically in the breeze. “We’re approaching the mine. Ready your weapons.”

  I pulled out a fsk of water and took a sip. “Can I ready my sarcasm instead?”

  “No,” Garron said.

  “Damn.”

  A knight to my left chuckled under his breath. I pointed at him. “See? Someone appreciates me.”

  He immediately stopped smiling and resumed his stoic face like nothing happened.

  Coward.

  The mine loomed ahead. It looked terrible—dark, broken, full of webbing and bad decisions.

  Seraphina stepped aside and motioned toward the entrance. “We’ll enter in formation. Dan, stay close. Your knowledge may prove useful.”

  I blinked. “What part of ‘Buy & Sell’ screams knowledgeable to you?”

  “Gods work in mysterious ways,” she said serenely.

  “I think the gods are trolling me.”

  “Still working through you,” she replied with a gentle smile.

  I stared at her, then turned to Elise. “She’s terrifying.”

  “She’s a saint,” Elise said.

  “She’s a pretty saint,” I muttered, “but still terrifying.”

  Seraphina raised her staff and the knights started moving again.

  And just like that, the expedition officially began.

  A holy cleric.

  An army of knights.

  A tired guard.

  A rogue who should be in stealth but keeps getting caught.

  A bored archer.

  And me.

  The sarcastic outsider with one molotov cocktail and a lighter.

  We were going to die.

  Probably.

  The entrance to the mine loomed ahead—dark, ominous, and covered in thick webbing that looked like it hadn’t been disturbed in years.

  Which, you know… made sense.

  Except for one gring issue.

  “…So,” Seraphina said, narrowing her eyes, “where’s the ogre?”

  Everyone stopped. Looked around.

  The knights tightened their grips on their weapons.

  Elise raised an eyebrow and turned to me. “Yeah, Dan. Where’s the ogre?”

  I blinked. “Why are you asking me? You all talked like it lived here. Maybe it moved!”

  “Moved where?” Seraphina asked, looking unconvinced. “There’s nothing but forest, swamp in this direction.”

  “Maybe it went out to get groceries?” I offered weakly.

  The knights gave me side-eye.

  Elise chuckled. “You’re handling this well.”

  “Handling what? There’s nothing here. Maybe the ogre retired!”

  Then a deep thoom echoed behind us.

  Another thoom.

  And another.

  Each one like a drumbeat from hell.

  “Oh no,” Rowan whispered from the shadows. “That’s not the sound of retirement.”

  “I stand corrected,” I muttered, turning slowly.

  And then I saw it.

  Towering out of the trees, rger than life, with skin like cracked leather and tusks the size of my hopes and dreams, came a hulking brute of pure muscle and terrible hygiene.

  Its eyes locked onto us.

  It roared—a sound that rattled my spine, made the knights flinch, and likely scared the crap out of a few birds three vilges away.

  Then it tossed a boulder—a literal, actual boulder—at us.

  “MOVE!” Garron barked.

  Everyone scattered as the boulder smmed into the ground where we’d just been standing, kicking up dirt and splinters and a healthy dose of nope.

  I dove behind a rock, rolled awkwardly, and peeked out.

  “Oh my god,” I breathed, eyes wide. “Shrek? Is that you?”

  Elise, beside me and already knocking an arrow, nearly lost her composure. “Did you just call it Shrek?!”

  “Tell me that thing doesn’t look like Shrek’s evil gym rat cousin!”

  Another roar.

  Another rock lifted by giant, ogre hands.

  “This was supposed to be inside the mine!” one of the knights yelled, taking a defensive position.

  “Well apparently he wanted curbside pickup!” I shouted.

  “Formation!” Seraphina called, stepping forward as her staff lit up with radiant light. “Defend the priestess!”

  “Oh, now it’s serious,” I muttered, crawling toward my backpack. “Where’s that damn molotov cocktail...”

  Elise crouched next to me. “What’s the pn?”

  “I throw fire, you all deal with the consequences.”

  “Solid pn,” she said dryly.

  “Thanks, I try.”

  Another boom shook the earth as the ogre charged down the slope toward us.

  Seraphina raised her staff high, the head glowing like the sun itself. “Face the gods’ wrath, beast!”

  I, meanwhile, fumbled with my lighter. “Face the wrath of Dan and cheap fmmable liquids!”

  Elise groaned. “This is going to be a disaster.”

  “Correction,” I said, flicking the lighter. “This is going to be my kind of disaster.”

  The ground shook beneath our feet as the ogre charged, roaring loud enough to send birds fleeing from the treetops.

  “Formation Alpha!” Seraphina’s voice rang clear, cutting through the chaos.

  And like clockwork, the knights snapped into motion—half raising shields, the others lowering spears with military precision. The priestess wasn’t just pretty—she was a commander.

  “Well damn,” I muttered, halfway through lighting my Molotov cocktail. “They’re actually competent.”

  One knight stepped forward and tanked the ogre’s charge like a brick wall, shield glowing with divine runes. The ogre’s fists smmed against the barrier, but it held strong, energy rippling like water.

  Then came retaliation.

  Three knights surged forward with spears, targeting the ogre’s legs. One slid low, jabbing the back of its knee. Another jabbed its thigh. The third leapt, spearing it in the shoulder.

  “Holy crap, they’re shredding it!”

  Seraphina raised her staff, chanting in a tongue I didn’t recognize. Light surged from the ground beneath the ogre’s feet—burning circles of divine fme.

  “Judgment!” she called.

  A pilr of golden fire erupted around the ogre, searing its skin and drawing a howl of pain.

  “That’s holy magic?” I shouted to no one in particur. “Remind me not to piss her off.”

  “I warned you,” Elise said, loosing arrows with calm precision from beside me. Every shot went for a weak spot—eyes, joints, gaps in its hide.

  Meanwhile, Rowan casually appeared behind the ogre like he’d always been there, dagger glinting.

  “I’ll just… stab it in the kidney,” he muttered and did exactly that.

  The ogre twisted and swatted wildly, but Rowan rolled away like a ninja. “Still alive!” he shouted cheerfully.

  “Is that supposed to be surprising?” I called back.

  “Kind of!”

  I lit the Molotov cocktail. “Time for some budget fire magic!”

  “Wait—” Elise started.

  I hurled the bottle at the ogre’s leg just as one knight smmed a spear into its foot. The bottle shattered, fmes erupted, and the ogre screamed.

  "No one likes fire,” I said smugly.

  The ogre reeled backward, burned, bleeding, and very pissed.

  But the knights didn’t let up.

  One knight in silver armor charged forward with a glowing longsword and cleaved into the ogre’s side, cutting deep.

  Seraphina raised her staff again. “Final strike!”

  The ground split beneath the ogre’s feet as a massive divine spear of light shot from the heavens and pierced straight through its chest.

  The ogre twitched… then crumpled to the ground in a smoking, smoldering heap.

  Silence followed.

  Then, a few cheers.

  I blinked. “Wait… that’s it? It’s dead?”

  Seraphina lowered her staff calmly. “Of course it’s dead. It was only an ogre.”

  “ONLY AN OGRE?!”

  I just pointed at the still-smoking corpse. “That thing threw a boulder at us!”

  Rowan patted me on the back. “Look at the bright side. You didn’t die.”

  “Yet,” I muttered.

  Seraphina turned to me, calm and radiant as ever. “Was that satisfactory, hero?”

  “…That was terrifying,” I said. “But also, yes. Very satisfactory.”

  Elise ughed. “You didn’t even fight. You threw one bottle and panicked.”

  “I tactically contributed.”

  Seraphina’s knights had already begun carving up the ogre, collecting parts, and prepping the corpse for transport.

  One knight approached. “Shall we proceed into the mine, Lady Seraphina?”

  She nodded. “Yes. Let’s finish cleansing this pce.”

  The group moved deeper into the mine, torches and magical lights flickering against the damp, stone walls. The deeper they went, the worse it smelled—like rot, damp earth, and something unnatural.

  Seraphina led the way, her glowing staff casting divine light ahead. The knights moved in formation, weapons drawn, watching for movement. Elise and Rowan stuck close, scanning the shadows. Garron walked just ahead of me, always the ever-serious guardian.

  Me? I had just made a fat profit.

  While everyone had been focused on moving forward, I’d casually lingered behind at the ogre’s corpse.

  One click of the Sell button ter, and 5,325 dropped into my bance like an early Christmas miracle.

  I barely resisted the urge to whoop right there.

  Instead, I strolled back to the group, hands in my pockets, grinning like an idiot.

  Naturally, Seraphina noticed. "You seem… pleased," she said, her tone suspicious.

  "Oh, you know. Just appreciating the beauty of nature."

  Elise, the traitor, immediately sold me out. "He got rid of the ogre’s body."

  Seraphina narrowed her eyes. "How?"

  Dan smirked. "Magic."

  Seraphina wasn't buying it. "What kind of magic?"

  Elise, once again, refused to keep her mouth shut. "It’s his skill. He can sell corpses."

  Dan threw up his hands. "Elise! Trade secrets! Ever heard of them?"

  Elise smirked. "Nope."

  Seraphina’s gaze flicked between the two of us before settling on me. "You can sell corpses?"

  "Technically," I said. "I can sell anything."

  Seraphina studied me for a long moment. Then she simply said, "Interesting."

  That was a concerning tone. But before I could ask what she meant, the mine took a turn for the horrific.

  The path opened into a rger chamber… and the first thing we saw were the corpses.

  Dried, shriveled husks—humanoid, but barely. Their faces were locked in permanent screams, skin clinging to bones like old parchment. Something had drained them completely.

  "Well, that’s horrifying," I muttered.

  "It’s worse than I expected," Garron said grimly.

  Seraphina’s expression darkened. "This is the work of a Web Lurker Queen. She drains victims entirely before using their bodies to strengthen her nest."

  I pointed at a set of eggs along the walls, each pulsating slightly. "That nest?"

  Seraphina nodded.

  "Fan-freaking-tastic," I muttered.

  The knights moved in, smashing eggs with their weapons, making sure nothing hatched mid-mission. Elise, for her part, aimed at the ceilings and shadows, just in case something big was waiting.

  Meanwhile, I, the genius that I am, spotted something far more interesting.

  Gold.

  A vein of gold, glimmering in the dim light.

  I subtly gged behind, pretending to check my boots or something, then crouched near the wall. I reached out, pried off a small chunk, and checked my Sell window.

  Golden Nugget – 2,320.00

  I mouthed the words: Holy. Fuck.

  This mine was literally shitting money.

  And all I had to do was pick it up.

  I quickly rejoined the group, pretending like nothing had happened—but now, I had a new goal.

  Forget the spiders. Forget the queen. I needed to mine this pce dry.

  But first? I had to make sure I didn’t die before I could cash in.

  As if to remind me of that fact, something clicked in the distance.

  A sharp, unnatural sound.

  Then another.

  And another.

  The knights all turned, weapons raised.

  A shadow shifted beyond the torchlight.

  Then, from the depths of the mine… something rge began to move.

  I swallowed hard.

  Here we go again.