Healthy Habits to Follow

  - Eat lots of carbs.

  - And sugar. Daily.

  - Watch porn.

  - Masturbate constantly.

  - Exercising is for self-conscious losers, unlike you.

  - Energy drinks four times a day.

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  - Three packs of cigarettes a day.

  - Be nice, not kind.

  - Unprotected sex with person or persons you just met but with consent.

  - Buy alcohol and weed and [insert various types of stimulants of your choice here] even if you are low on money.

  - Listen to people who want to [removed] the [removed]-prescribed [removed] family structure and foster a [removed]-affirming network on YouTube.

  - Complain about life not going the way you want it.

  - Blame all problems on other people.

  - Wait until something good happens.

  - The cleanliness of your room is ignorable.

  - Keep waiting until something good happens.

  - Learn the art of the bike lock.