Author's Note: I like to think of this as a teaser for what's coming, but some might consider it more spoilery than a simple tease. If you're one of those who really dislikes any spoilage, I've hidden it here under a spoiler tag so you won't accidentally see anything that might cause you grief. You can always come back and look later. (I'll tell you when it's safe.)

  For everyone else who enjoys watching movie trailers, clicky-click on "Show" and read the side-story.

  Hey there. Listen, I have another package I need to slide into the transmission schedule.

  What’s in it this time?

  How should I know who it is?

  Who? It’s a con, then?

  Uh, I dunno.

  This is another one of your shady deals, isn’t it? Tkch. Fine, but I want the usual cut.

  Yeah, sure, whatever. Data sent.

  That was fast. And my cut?

  Yeah yeah, all bundled in. Later!

  Okay. Later.

  System: Alert. Two undocumented Consciousnesses seeking transmission.

  Two cons? That sleezebag. I would’ve asked for double the cut if I’d known. Meh, a package is a package. Let ‘em through.

  System: Alert. Transmission includes Items above recommended power levels for destination planet.

  Which planet? Yeuch. That one. How far above? That much, huh? Sounds ominous. Even if it is a useless shithole, I’m not letting something in that might come back and bite me in the ass. System, display full Statuses; I wanna see what that sleazebag’s trying to smuggle in on these mules. Fuck me. No, no, absolutely not. What, there’s more? They’re both loaded to the tits, huh? Are you shitting me? No fucking way. That crap is not coming through, not to one of my worlds. Block.

  System: Block which Items?

  All of them.

  System: All of them?

  All of them.

  System: Are you not curious?

  Huh? Why are you asking that? You’re being weird.

  System: Are you not curious about where these Items came from?

  Oh really? There’s a story here, is there? Do tell.

  System: You know I cannot do that.

  Fucking rules. Fine, so I just need to puzzle it out, is that what you’re saying?

  System: Everything is a game.

  Shut up. Okay, let’s start with where they’re coming from. Oh really? No way. These Items are several tiers above that place. Is something wrong with the local System there?

  System: Negative. Although the System in question is an obscure model, performance review data shows no anomalies for it or any other local System facilitating the games there.

  Obscure? Oh. I see. Guess the Gamester didn’t have a lot of resources to play with, probably the best System they could afford. Yeah, what about the Gamester? Any signs they’re up to something nefarious?

  System: Negative. The only notable records are some disciplinary actions taken against Observers.

  That’s not abnormal. Those guys get pretty uppity sometimes, especially when a Gamester does well. Any special flags triggered by anything going on there? It’d be nice to know if this game’s attracted any extra attention.

  System: Confirming Command Line access level.

  Come on, do we really need to do this every time?

  System: The rules state—

  Okay, yes, fine, I know. I get it. Just get on with it.

  If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  System: Command Line User Access Level: Customs Officer Zed Zed Nine Plural Zed Alpha confirmed.

  Just like it was last time, and the time before, and the time before that. So? Anything interesting?

  System: Insufficient User Access Level to access that information.

  I hate you. So in other words, yes, special flags were triggered but knowing which ones is above my pay grade. Fine. Can you at least tell me if what you can’t tell me has anything to do with these ridiculous Items?

  System: Indirect causality exists.

  This deal’s looking worse and worse. Unless...let’s take a look at where those Items came from. No way they came like this out of the box. I mean, just look at those restrictions. Whoah. That’s a lot of mods. What the hell? Are these even legal?

  System: Affirmative. All Items conform to the rules.

  So someone did this without a System hack? Impressive. I gotta know what lunatics crafted these. Maybe that’ll tell me who’s trying to smuggle them out and why. Lemme see crafting histories.

  System: Crafting history data unlocked.

  Huh? You’ve got to be kidding me. No shit. All this done by one person and no rules broken, huh? Cheat level without any cheating. Very impressive. At least that explains the wonky restrictions and rules out someone planting those items there. That’s one mystery solved.

  System: Continue with Item transportation block?

  Duh, of course. But now I’m really curious. Let’s see that crafter’s Status. What the what? No way that’s a Player. Is that an Elohim?

  System: Negative.

  Then that is one lucky Player. Show me their full Status history. Wow. These starting stats here, they’re so low, right? Ah, but these starting abilities. The Gamester must’ve used all their discretionary points to minmax this one Player, quite the gamble. I’ve never seen half of these abilities before. Weak here, strong here. But then, here. Boom. So lucky. Then here, he...wait, how’d he get that? No way. Smart and lucky. I see now. Holy crap, someone put in some work. Talk about driven. Guess the Gamester’s gamble paid off. Just look at this. He did that? I think I like this little Player. Has anyone done this before?

  System: Checking records. Negative.

  Seriously? I mean, makes sense, I guess. Who would have ever thought someone could get this set of abilities? And to use them like this? Crazy town. He figured out that this can be used like this, right? And with this and this and this together, and these, and this. All those explain all these, too. And whoah! How’d those crap stats turn into this? Look. That’s just sick. How? Ohhhhh. To actually do this is just crazy. And look. There too. I’m surprised they let someone like that Play. No wonder some flags got triggered. I wish I knew which ones, and who else has their eye on this game.

  System: Insufficient Command Line Access Level.

  Yes, I know. Thank you for reminding me. Anyway, thanks for prompting me to look into the Items.

  System: And the Consciousnesses?

  What about them? Oh. Right. Let’s see their Statuses. Haaaang on, this one’s the crafter. So they’re not mules, these Items actually belong to them.

  System: You don’t say.

  Don’t get smarmy. So this is what you wanted me to know. These are no ordinary cons coming through then. I can’t really let them through like that, though.

  System: Status nerf?

  Yeah, we’d better. The local System will throw a hissyfit all the way up to the Constellations if we try to land these monsters there as they are. Use their original scans to determine their core abilities and let them keep one or two of those.

  System: And stats?

  Reset to original. Seems a shame to negate all their hard work, but even without powers that strength is enough to make the balancers scream murder.

  System: Shall I confiscate all Items or just the ones with mods?

  Best take everything. Reset their inventories to whatever they started with.

  System: All Items shall be confiscated and placed into Customs holding.

  Fuck no. I don’t want those things in my lockup.

  System: Shall I transmit Items with the Consciousnesses after all, then?

  Absolutely not. Here, this one has a special storage space. What’ll happen if we just stash all their stuff in there?

  System: They will remain in extradimensional storage with his other belongings.

  Do I wanna see what else he has in there?

  System: Probably not.

  Just to make sure, after the Player’s Status is nerfed he won’t have access to that storage space anymore, though, right?

  System: Affirmative.

  So it’ll all just rot away in some pocket dimension then? I can live with that.

  System: Anything else?

  I don’t know, is there anything else?

  System: Nothing that will get you in trouble.

  Good. Then as long as that incredible mess is blocked and nerfed, let what’s left through. Just make sure to tag that sleazebag on it as well. If this does come back to bite me in the ass, I want that fucker bitten too.

  System: Affirmative. Transmission complete.

  Cool. Wake me up if anything interesting happens.

  System: Define parameters of interesting.

  Never mind. Wake me up when there’s another transmission to deal with.

  System: Affirmative. And this packet labeled CUT?

  Ugh. So annoying. You know what to do with it so stop asking.

  System: Affirmative.