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Chapter 9

  Clare

  For the first two days after my confrontation with Sawyer, I avoided the school cafeteria like a plague, but I couldn’t stop feeling bad about everything I’d said to Sawyer.

  The overwhelming desire to see him and apologize to him filled my every waking moment, so I started going back to the cafeteria again, but Sawyer seemed to have disappeared from every public space where I could see him.

  Fortunately, almost two weeks later, I was taking a walk in the woods behind the cafeteria to digest my sandwich lunch and get some steps in when I saw Sawyer.

  He was squatting on the floor behind the cafeteria watching a gray cat eat from a bowl.

  Holding my breath, I stepped closer, hoping he wouldn’t just stand and walk away when he saw me. However, until I walked up to him, Sawyer didn’t move.

  Even when I came to stand beside him, he made no movement to indicate that he knew someone was standing beside him as he focused his gaze on the gray British Shorthair cat.

  “Hi,” I greeted without looking at him.

  I was so ashamed of everything I’d said during my outburst that I didn’t dare to.

  As if he was reluctant to talk to me, it took Sawyer several seconds to respond. And his response was a simple gruff, “Hi.”

  “I’m sorry.” I apologized, knowing that this would be my only chance to apologize.

  I wasn’t sure he would accept my apology, but I hoped that by apologizing I would at least get some respite from my thoughts and guilty conscience that reprimanded me for being rude to a boy that seemed to have never really had malicious intent toward me.

  After two weeks of expecting to be thrown out of the Hawkins pack for speaking so rudely to Sawyer, seeing Sawyer today and the way he ignored me, I realized I might have misunderstood him.

  If he was not going to try to punish me for rejecting him, then maybe his warning about Elijah was a genuine one rather than a warning to steer me clear of liking someone other than him?

  “You don’t have to apologize. I should be the one to apologize to you for bothering you with my filthy attentions. I assure you it will never happen again.”

  “I…” I didn’t know what to say or how to respond.

  I could only watch the cat eat, trying to find the right words to say, but turning up empty-handed.

  He petted the cat’s head and when it turned over to give him its belly, he concentrated on rubbing its fluffy-looking white belly carefully before he stood up. “Contrary to what you think, I don’t actually need to dangle the promise of helping someone become a member of my pack to get them to date me. If it so happens that I have only dated women who don’t actually belong to my pack, I can assure you that it’s not for that reason, but rather because I am picky with who I date.”

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  Because the cat kept laying on its back waiting attentively for the standing Sawyer to rub its belly, I reached forward to rub its belly.

  “Don’t—“

  Before Sawyer could finish speaking, the cat, which had been lying on the floor expectantly, recoiled the moment my hand made contact with its belly. Its eyes widened, and with a quick, fluid motion, it hissed loudly, ears flattening against its head. Before I could pull away, the cat's paw lashed out, claws extended, and left a sharp scratch on my hand.

  I yelped and jerked back, cradling my injured hand, while the cat darted off, clearly displeased by the unwanted attention.

  Sawyer caught me, holding my arms and glaring down at me. “Have you lost your mind? Who touches a stray without asking for permission?”

  “It doesn’t look like a stray cat.” I complained, looking down at said stray cat, who looked back to hiss at me twice before darting into the woods. “How come it allowed you to touch it but won’t let me?”

  Sawyer looked at me with twitching lips as if I was missing a few marbles. “Do you know how long it took me to earn its trust?”

  Under his disdainful gaze, I had to recognize my wrongdoing. “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”

  He shook his head and then led me around the cafeteria, past the parking lot, to the school clinic.

  The nurse in charge of the clinic was nowhere to be found, but instead of searching for her, Sawyer started looking around at cupboards, gathering first aid tools for treating my cut.

  Then he settled on the seat beside me and started treating my wounds.

  Hiss.

  “Stay still. Although she has had all her shots, she lives in the woods after all. We have to make sure to disinfect the wound.”

  He didn’t look up at me once as he helped me disinfect my wound.

  “I’m really sorry. I had no right to say any of what I said that day to you. There was no reason to, anyway. You’ve never actually dated a temporary member of your pack who doesn’t have their own pack. I was just hurt that you said it was impossible for Elijah to like me. I—” A hiss interrupted my speech as Sawyer gently dabbed the disinfectant spirit over my wound.

  In response to my words, Sawyer just sighed. “I didn’t say that at all, though. I only tried to alert you to the fact that it would probably take a divine intervention for Elijah to love anyone as he is right now. I was trying to protect you from heartbreak.”

  “Is there something wrong with him? How do you know so much about Elijah, anyway? I’ve never seen you two together. Are you friends…secretly?”

  “Definitely not. We’re incompatible.” He paused and then met my gaze with a pained look. “Don’t take what I’m saying at face value. I’m not saying Elijah is a bad person at all. He isn’t. He’s just…not in the right place to love anyone right now. In the general sense, that is. Who knows? Maybe some girl will come around and change his mind. Maybe that girl will be you. If so, I give you my blessings.”

  “So…you don’t…like me anymore.” I asked.

  He looked up from my wound to meet my gaze. “Are you asking to stroke your ego?”

  I shook my head and decided to be fully honest with him. “I just felt…weird…lost when you looked at me that way the last time we spoke.”

  His eyes widened in surprise, but then he pursed his lips and focused on pasting a band-aid over my wound. “But you still like Elijah.”

  I hesitated before nodding. “I still like Elijah.”

  But why did it feel like I was now filled with curiosity about Sawyer Hawkins, though? Why was I dreaming about him and thinking about him every minute?

  Why did I reject Elijah’s offer to dance at the Lounge yesterday because of a flitting image of Sawyer flashing through my head?

  Argh! What were all these messy feelings?

  As if he could tell what I was thinking, Sawyer met my gaze. “But something has changed with how you look at me, so I can tell that you like me, too. But Clare? I don’t share. I’ve never shared and I’ll never share. So you have to think hard and well about who you really want. If you choose me, come meet me. If you want him, just stay away from me.”

  The clinic went silent as he walked away, leaving me in the quiet clinic until the buzzer indicating the end of lunch woke me out of my sludge of thoughts.

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