Clare

  “What’s her name?” I asked as I joined Sawyer behind the cafeteria where he was, as usual, feeding the American shorthair cat.

  He looked up at me and shook his head. “I haven’t thought of a name yet. I don’t really want to adopt her because I’m not a cat person but she can be really feral, even to the cafeteria staff that provide her meals, so I’m afraid the shelter will put her down.”

  I stared at the supposed feral cat that was purring and leaning into his stroking hands while eating its wet cat food.

  Squatting beside him, I asked, “Can you introduce us?”

  “You want to adopt her?” he asked.

  “I can’t. I live with someone and I’m already an inconvenience. Why don’t you just adopt her? You care about her, and she seems to care about you.”

  He didn’t answer my question. “Cat, meet Clare. Clare meet cat.”

  I waved at the fluffy-looking cat, resisting the urge to pet her.

  However, the regal cat seemed to be displeased by our introduction as she swiped at me, stopping only when Sawyer caught her paws.

  Then her attitude did a 180 spin as she turned around offering Sawyer her belly while staring at me with disdainful golden eyes as if to warn me away while Sawyer rubbed her belly.

  “You should call her Queen. She looks like a queen.” I said.

  Sawyer paused and looked at me, before looking back at the cat who seemed dissatisfied by Sawyer removing his attention from her for a second and had gotten back to her feet, returning to finishing her food.

  “Seems like the right name for her. Queen it is then.” Sawyer agreed with me.

  “Is your offer for a date still open?” I asked, staring intently at Queen even though I could feel his gaze on the side of my face.

  “What about Elijah?” he asked.

  “I still like him, but I don’t want to like him anymore.”

  “You saw through the act?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  He seemed surprised by that. “How? He hides it so well. You’ve only been in town for less than two months.”

  “I think my feelings for him disgust him, so he showed me so he could push me away.” I shared the conclusion I’d come to after thinking about Elijah and I’s first meeting.

  Why had he chosen to get a blow job on the night shift when it was just the two of us tending the bar? Why had his demeanor changed so badly when we first met? After connecting the dots, I realized that there was something about me he hated.

  I took a deep breath and released it. “I think I remind him of someone he hates because he behaved so strangely the first time we locked gazes. I was just so infatuated, I swept it under the rug.”

  “Are you trying to use me as a rebound to get rid of your feelings for Elijah?” he asked.

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  “No…” I said instantly, then after a few seconds, I realized that seemed to be what I was actually doing. “Maybe…I do like you, though. You…fascinate me. Just like Elijah, you’re so different from my first impression of you, but…in a good way. I…want to figure you out. I promise that I’ve never felt this way about anyone other than you, Elijah and…someone else, but I promise that Elijah and the other guy don’t see me that way.”

  I took a step away from him. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I just realized that because I’m somewhat attracted to you, I want to use you to experience how it feels to be liked.”

  He sighed and took a step closer to me, grabbing my hand and cupping it in his as he held my gaze. “But you like me?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “Then let’s go on a date. One of my friends is throwing a birthday party during the weekend. Do you want to come with me?”

  “Sure.” I replied, smiling at him.

  Remembering something, I asked, “Wait…is this the birthday party for that Koda guy? The pack council member’s son?”

  His eyes narrowed as he nodded.

  “Then can I…invite a friend? She’s not going to interfere with our date. She just hasn’t stopped talking about that party and I think she’ll be really hurt if I go without inviting her.”

  He paused and then smiled. “Sure.”

  ***

  I was seated on a bench at the back alley of the Lounge, pressing down on my stomach, which was growling from hunger even though I’d already eaten twice today.

  Annoyed at my constant hunger, I patted my rebellious belly and reluctantly gave in. I would eat one slice of the pizzas our manager had bought for the night and wash it down with a lot of water.

  Although it would be 300-350 calories over the number of calories I’d planned to eat today, I could work it out by reaching 10,000 steps on the walk back home after work and by walking tomorrow morning to school.

  I was deep in thought when a very familiar scent interrupted my thoughts—apple whiskey and tequila—Elijah’s toxic but intoxicating scent. Just like the person himself, his scent was a unique but slightly disorienting fragrance where the distinct earthy aroma of tequila with hints of citrus and pepper combined with the very rich and fruity scent of apple whiskey.

  I had no idea why I’d ever thought anyone with that kind of scent with a slight sourness to it was a simple, kind, elegant and scholarly boy.

  My thoughts faltered when Elijah sat beside me on the Lounge’s resting bench.

  My body stiffened, and the air felt a little thin as I felt myself holding my breath. After all, combined with his scent, something about Elijah always disoriented me.

  When I remembered how much I’d mindlessly wanted to get close to him when I first met him, thinking he was going to be the love of my life that came once in a lifetime, I felt slightly embarrassed. Because I’d allowed infatuation with someone’s appearance to control me until I finally saw him for who he was.

  “I’m sorry.” Were the first words he said as he sat beside me, looking calm and gentle like the boy I’d thought he was.

  “What?” I was so surprised, the words left my lips before I could control myself.

  “I’m sorry for taking you to that closet and threatening you…kissing you without your permission…everything I did last week. I just…had to.” His apology was ruined by his last two words.

  I tried to force my lips to raise into a forced smile, but they weren’t following my commands, so I just tried my best to remain expressionless. “It doesn’t matter. I think I needed to see you that way to get out of my delusions about you. You did me a favor, I guess.”

  Because his face was turned to me when I spoke, I saw the hurt sliver past his face and eyes before he turned away to avoid my gaze and ended our conversation with a simple. “That’s good, I guess.”

  I felt bad for my words instantly, but then recalling that infuriating encounter in the janitor’s closet made me feel a bit better in a mean way like I was feeling great about hurting him back the way he hurt me.

  I didn’t like how I was feeling about hurting him, so I stood up and said, “I’m just…going to go back in.”

  He didn’t look at me as he muttered, “Go ahead,” while staring at the wall opposite him.

  And as I walked into the back door of the Lounge, I couldn’t help looking back at him.

  His shoulders were hunched and his head bowed, as if the weight of his sorrows had crushed any remaining spark of vitality. The vibrant energy he always exuded at the bar was now replaced by a palpable aura of loneliness and despair.

  The way he looked seated there, an isolated figure against the backdrop of the alley's shadows, his back drooping and defeated, a silent emblem of profound melancholy made something in me ache.

  I shook myself and forced myself to close the back door behind me and tried to convince myself that he was just the spoiled son of the pack’s Beta, the student council president, a senior staff at the Lounge and a playboy hiding under the skin of an elegant and scholarly boy. However, the ache in my chest still took all night to fade.