Sawyer

  "You can't date Clare, so just let go of her. She's mine." Elijah's words were as usual jarring, irritating and entitled.

  It was a Saturday, and I was seated on a lounge chair on the rooftop of my apartment building, reading a book while enjoying the cool breeze that blew my way, bringing the nice scent of the budding plants Clare and I had been nurturing in our DIY plant nursery. Unfortunately, my peaceful moment was not meant to last as my unwanted visitor arrived just in time to try to ruin my mood due to having free access to my apartment building from the period when we were somewhat close friends.

  I pretended not to hear him speak as I turned the page of the book I was reading.

  “Sawyer?”

  “Yes?” I answered casually.

  “Did you hear what I just said? Can you just drop that stupid book for a second?”

  I closed my eyes for a second, feeling irritated. Elijah had always been someone who could annoy the hell out of me with his careless way of dealing with everything.

  I closed my book down and stared at him with a blank, scrutinizing gaze similar to the one my father used to grill his Pack Council Members.

  “Why do you think you have any right to dictate who Clare can date?” I asked.

  “I'm her true mate.” He said boldly, pushing his chest out with pride.

  “Lying about being a girl's true mate just so you can try to wrangle her away from me because she hurt your ego by abandoning her crush for you? That's low, Elijah, even for you.”

  “Hey hey, what do you mean? I'm not lying, you know. Clare really is my true mate. I experienced the whole ‘your world changes when you meet her and her scent smells like heaven’ shtick when I met her for the first time. I just didn't really want a true mate, so I tried to dissuade her.”

  I sighed. “Elijah...stop lying to me. It's impossible for Clare to be your true mate. She's my true mate.”

  “What? No, are you serious? Lying about being her true mate just because you think I'm lying about being her true mate?” he stared at me with an unbelieving gaze.

  Something about his focused, disbelieving gaze made me pause in my thoughts. I stepped closer to him until we were standing just a few inches away from each other.

  I caught his gaze and held it. “Elijah, this is a serious matter. Clare is my true mate. If this is some kind of spiteful mission just to teach her a lesson because she...I don't know...fell out of like with you so quickly, then now is a good time to abandon it. Doing this makes you look stupid.”

  The word ‘stupid’, as usual, made him mad. It was the word that I had called him when I realized the secret he was keeping to himself just to save face.

  His brows furrowed, and a scowl covered his face. “I won't say this again because I have already said it so many times. Number one, I'm not stupid just because you're always irredeemably logical. Everything can't be explained by logic!”

  He was slightly out of breath as he finalized his statement. “Number two, Clare Parker is. My. True. Mate. Ordained by the Moon goddess, created just for me.”

  I searched his gaze for any signs of lies, but other than steely determination, there was no sign that he was lying.

  I gave him a grim look. “I don't know what to say then because, I can tell you that there is no doubt, down to my very soul, that Clare is my true mate.”

  We were both quiet for a second.

  “Do you think Clare did something to us? Like maybe she made us think we were her true mates or something.”

  I didn’t even consider it. “No, if she did, she wouldn't have rejected me so adamantly when I first asked her out. In some ways, the person she first felt a connection to was you, but thankfully, you botched that up yourself. And regardless of the connection, she still doesn't even know that any of us are her true mates.”

  He was quiet for a second before he sat down on the floor, leaning his back on the wall.

  “So what exactly is going on here? Can one person have two true mates?” he asked, while raking his fingers through his hair.

  “It's possible. I've heard about it before. There are even people who end up having more than two.” I said.

  “Well, in that case, why don't you just leave her to me? You don't understand emotions anyway...You and your big brain have always found emotions hard to grasp. In that case, I think Clare is better off with me.”

  I clapped mockingly. “That was a good speech, but I think it has no merit. I have always had a higher emotional quotient than you. I mean, just because you felt connected to her and knew she had a crush on you, you decided to do whatever you did that made her dislike you so much? Good work, by the way. It's thanks to you that Clare and I are together right now.”

  “You say that now, but how can you be sure she has no feelings for me? The only reason she let go of her connection and feelings for me was because you, practical and intelligent Sawyer, came along. You like her and when she's with you, she can forget about the person she truly has feelings for.”

  His words stung because I knew that Clare had indeed accepted my offer to date initially to get over Elijah so my brain just kept hammering on that point with doubts about whether I wasn't just Clare’s second choice because she could be with good old safe and logical me.

  No, I wasn't going to let Elijah get to me. Clare liked me. She had told me that so many times, so even if she still had a smidgen of feelings left for Elijah, they would die down with time.

  “You're hesitating because you know that what I said is true.” Elijah insisted.

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  I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes. “Even if she still has some feelings for you. It doesn't matter because she's my girlfriend now and with time, she'll get over whatever feelings she has for you.”

  “Yes, but can you stop thinking about the fact that she's just with you because you're the safer option?”

  I scowled. “Don't try to use reverse psychology on me. She’s mine now, so just back off.”

  Even though I was trying to hold on to my resolve, his words filled my mind with a tangled mess of emotions—doubt, frustration, and a deep sense of loyalty to Clare. Elijah’s voice broke through my thoughts, steady and insistent.

  “Look, Sawyer,” Elijah said, leaning against the door frame with a serious expression. “You know she had feelings for me first.”

  I turned to face Elijah, meeting his gaze with a mix of disbelief and annoyance. “And you pushed her away. You did that because you didn’t want her, so she gave up and moved on. Why can’t you just leave her alone now?”

  Elijah sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I made a mistake. I thought turning her away was the right thing to do at the time. But now...now I see that maybe I was wrong. I didn’t want to honor the bond between us at first, but this is a true mate bond made by the Moon goddess herself, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about her. Finding out she was going out with you? That brought everything into perspective.”

  He sighed, pulling his hair at the top down. “I’m going insane. I’m quickly losing control over my wolf. I never realized how much she meant to me until it felt like if I didn’t make a move, she was going to be lost forever.”

  I crossed my arms, my jaw tense. “So, what are you saying? That I should just step aside and let you have her?”

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying at all,” Elijah replied, his voice firm but earnest. “What I’m suggesting is that we give her the chance to really choose. To date both of us, openly, so she can see where her heart truly lies.”

  I shook my head, a skeptical smile on my lips. “You think that’s fair to her? To put that kind of pressure on her?”

  “Maybe it’s not fair,” Elijah admitted, his expression softening. “But think about it, Sawyer. If she’s with you because she thinks I’m not an option, then none of us will ever know what she truly wants. Don’t you want her to be sure? For both of our sakes?”

  My mind raced with conflicting thoughts. The idea of sharing Clare, even temporarily, was hard to swallow. But there was a logic to Elijah’s argument that I couldn’t entirely dismiss. I wanted Clare to be happy more than anything, and if this was a way to ensure that, perhaps it was worth considering.

  “And what if she chooses you?” I asked quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.

  “Then you’ll know it was never meant to be,” Elijah said softly. “And if she chooses you, then at least I’ll know I did everything I could. But right now, we’re both in the dark.”

  I let out a long breath, the weight of Elijah’s proposal settling over me like a heavy cloak. It was a gamble, and one that could potentially break my heart. But deep down, I knew that Clare deserved the freedom to explore her feelings fully.

  “Alright,” I said finally, meeting Elijah’s eyes with a mixture of determination and resignation. “I’ll talk to Clare. But this has to be her decision, and hers alone. If she’s not comfortable with it, we drop it.”

  Elijah nodded, a hint of relief in his eyes. “Agreed. Thank you, Sawyer. I know this isn’t easy.”

  I stood up and walked over to the part of the glass railing around the rooftop that faced town. I leaned against the sturdy, waist-high railing, gazing out at the bustling town some distance away. However, the view couldn’t distract me from the way my heart ached at the thought of potentially losing Clare, but I also felt a sense of resolve. Whatever the outcome, I was committed to doing what was right for her, even if it meant challenging my own desires.

  Fully committed to my resolve, I called Clare.

  “Hello.” I started.

  “Hi. We just ate lunch together and we’re going to meet at the Lounge later today, so why are you calling now? Can’t get enough of me?” She teased.

  “Yeah…I really can’t.” I said quietly. “What are you doing?”

  “My math assignment. You sound weird. Are you okay? Do you need something?”

  How she immediately noticed that something was off with my voice made me feel so much better as I took in a deep breath and released it. “I just…wanted to talk to you about Elijah.”

  “What about Elijah?” She asked. “Is he okay? Did he get hurt or something?”

  I could hear the anxiety rising in her voice as she asked, making me realize that even if she was unaware of it, she still had feelings for Elijah. Consciously or unconsciously.

  “He’s fine, he’s fine. I just…do you still have feelings for Elijah?” I couldn’t help asking.

  “Definitely not. He’s so different from who I thought he was. So rude and…and annoying.” She replied.

  “I think you should date Elijah.” I said.

  “What?!” She asked, shock at my very suggestion evident in her voice.

  “I think you should date Elijah.” I repeated. “You can date both of us and then choose who you really want.”

  “What the hell brought this on? Is this a prank or some kind of weird loyalty test?” she sounded a little angry.

  I rushed to explain but hesitated about telling her that we were both her true mates. “When you first met Elijah, you felt a deep connection to him. Am I right?”

  “Yes, so what?” her answer was tense.

  “So that connection might have never left. I’m just letting you explore where all that goes so that you can choose who you really want.”

  “Are you trying to break up with me?” she sounded breathless.

  “No, no, no. Of course not, I’m just…afraid that I might have been your second choice and that you might truly want Elijah and—“

  “Stop. I know Elijah is the one filling your head with these thoughts. Is he there?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Put the phone on speaker.”

  I did as she said with an expressionless face, as Elijah, who had been listening in on the conversation even when the phone wasn’t on speaker mode, stepped closer to me.

  “Elijah?”

  “Yes.” Elijah answered, his face looking tense.

  “I won’t date the two of you at the same time. That…that’s not…It’s not just because I’m pissed with you and I don’t think our personalities are compatible, but it’s also because I’m afraid of what people would say. The contemptuous stares. The disdainful looks. I know…three people who tried to date in a conservative pack before and they were not treated well at all. I don’t…want to experience that, so just let it go. Whatever could have been between us was not meant to be. I don’t just like Sawyer now, I love him. I won’t test that love for a connection with someone I don’t think I can truly trust. Regardless of how intense that connection feels. I’m going to hang up now.”

  I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath until after Clare said she loved me, so with a racing heart, I was trying to pull my breathing back to normal when she hung up.

  From the way she didn’t speak to me, I knew she was mad at me, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret calling her. I could always apologize, but this conversation had made me realize how much I loved her.

  A ripping sound tore me out of the depths of my thought.

  Elijah’s honey brown eyes had gotten lighter, almost translucent, as if an inner light was lighting up from inside him.

  I took a step away from him, inviting my Alpha wolf-half to the forefront so I could try to persuade him as his future Alpha to calm down. Although Hawkins mostly housed only werewolves, there were still a few humans who lived and worked here, which was why people were not allowed to shift casually, except when they went into the woods.

  “Elijah, calm down. You have to calm down.” I said firmly.

  Several hoarse grunts left his lips and somehow from his eyes that were getting lighter, I could tell that he didn’t care, especially when his hair started growing longer.

  “Elijah stop! If you turn wolf now, I will have to subdue you, take you down to the elevator and drive you into town to the woods where you can run free. We can’t have a 300-400 pound wolf in my car without anyone noticing so my dad will find out and when he does, he’ll ask you why and then you’ll have to tell the truth…that Clare is the reason why you changed forms. We both know how your father will feel about you losing control over a girl.”

  My words started to work immediately as his grunting slowly stopped.

  “Can you…drive me to the woods?” He asked through gritted teeth.

  I sighed and then walked toward the elevator, listening to him take huffing breaths to make sure he remained in control.

  In no time, we were in my car and I was driving Elijah to the woods to shift while holding onto the warm feelings Clare’s words had given me.