Intern’s Log: Oh No, She Knows Something
Date: Redacted
Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (I am never getting my normal life back.)
So, let’s review.
? Mittens has gone completely feral, gathered an army of cat-people, and declared war on ALF.
? He crashed my mother’s carefully planned matchmaking dinner in a stolen van.
? Vicky orchestrated the entire thing, because of course she did.
? Eleanor—my supposed "date"—instead of laughing off the madness, leaned in and started asking very specific, very concerning questions.
And now?
Now I know why.
Because Eleanor?
She knows something.
Phase One: The Moment I Realized I Was Doomed
"Go on." Eleanor had said, staring Mittens down with the kind of measured calm usually reserved for FBI interrogations and horror movie villains.
And that should have been my first clue.
Mittens, ever the paranoid maniac, had narrowed his eyes, tail lashing behind him.
"You speak as if you already know."
And Eleanor—**dear, terrifying Eleanor—**had simply adjusted her glasses and said:
"Because I do."
WHAT.
Phase Two: Who the Hell Is Eleanor?!
Everything stopped.
The cat-people fell silent.
Mittens froze mid-rant.
Even Vicky, who had been delighting in my suffering, actually tilted her head, intrigued.
"Explain." Mittens demanded, stepping forward.
And Eleanor?
She just smirked.
"You’re right about one thing," she said, voice smooth as silk. "Something is happening. But your focus is all wrong."
I was losing my mind.
"Wait, wait, wait," I interrupted, waving my hands. "You mean to tell me that you—my mother’s matchmaker-approved date—actually have intel on ALIENS?"
Eleanor turned her gaze to me.
"Oh, Reynolds," she said, with deep, patronizing amusement. "Do you really think your government doesn’t keep an eye on you?"
Phase Three: The Realization That Nothing In My Life Is a Coincidence
I felt my soul leave my body.
Because that?
That was not a normal response.
That was a ‘you were meant to meet me’ response.
Which means—
? This wasn’t just my mom meddling.
? This wasn’t just a social ambush.
? This was a goddamn operation.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
I turned to my mother, betrayal in my eyes.
"MOM?!"
But she just threw her hands up, equally flabbergasted.
"I just wanted you to meet someone nice!"
For once, I believed her.
Which meant—
Oh no.
Oh, HOLY CASEY JONES, NO.
I turned back to Eleanor, pointing an accusatory finger.
"Who do you work for?"
She smiled, like a cat that already caught the mouse.
"Classified."
Phase Four: Mittens Accepts Eleanor as a Prophet
"Hmph," Mittens finally muttered, his paranoia clearly battling his ego.
"You claim to have knowledge," he said, ears flicking. "Then prove it."
And Eleanor, to my horror, just nodded.
"Melmac is a joke. But what your instincts are picking up on?" She folded her hands neatly. "Something real. And something worse."
The cat-people all leaned forward, enraptured.
Vicky looked deeply amused.
And me?
I was barely holding it together.
"No. NO." I cut in, standing up. "No more cryptic bullshit. No more secret plots. No more ‘Oh, Reynolds, you poor clueless fool’ smirks!"
I jabbed a finger at Eleanor.
"You’re a plant. A setup. This wasn’t my mother’s doing—this was a goddamn op."
Her smile didn’t falter.
"Of course it was."
I KNEW IT.
Phase Five: The Most Dangerous Woman in the Room
"Then tell me," I demanded, hands on the table. "Tell me what’s actually happening."
And for the first time, Eleanor’s expression darkened.
"You were meant to be contained," she said. "To keep you out of this mess. But someone—"
She glanced, very briefly, at Vicky.
"—had other plans."
Vicky just tilted her head innocently.
THEY KNOW EACH OTHER. THEY KNOW EACH OTHER.
I was losing it.
"And?" Mittens growled, growing impatient.
Eleanor exhaled slowly, then looked up, eyes sharp.
"You’re right about one thing," she said. "Something is already here. But it’s not from Melmac. And it’s not here to eat cats."
The entire room held its breath.
"Then what?" Mittens asked.
Eleanor’s gaze swept over all of us.
"They’re here to eat something else."
Phase Six: What the Hell Does That Mean?!
? Eleanor was a plant.
? My date was never real.
? She and Vicky KNOW each other.
? Mittens, for once, is not actually insane.
? Something else is happening.
? AND I AM STILL NOT CLEARED FOR ANY OF THIS.
I turned to Vicky, desperation in my voice.
"You knew."
Her smile was unbearable.
"Of course I did."
Eleanor leaned forward, eyes narrowing.
"So tell me, Reynolds."
"Are you ready to hear the truth?"
And at that moment?
I realized something deeply horrifying.
I wasn’t ready at all.
End Log.
