Soleil, 2025 | San Diego, CA | Pre-Awakening

  “It’s ok, Soleil,” Jet half whispered to me. “I won’t hurt you.” He was crying. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

  Adult me, a ghostlike form, watched child me at the worst moment of my life.. again.

  A boy ran into the kitchen and tackled Jet but Jet wasn’t having it. He slammed the boy into the sink above me. My 7-year-old self screamed. Then noise.

  ”Don’t look!” Jet yelled. I squeezed my eyes shut. A crunching sound. “STAY HERE.”

  I opened my eyes. Jet was gone and i saw the body. The boy was dead on the floor of my father’s kitchen. I didn’t need to ask

  I watched myself realize what was going on then run numbly toward the living room.

  ”No no no,’ Jet groaned. Black liquid on the floor.. it poured down her face as she screamed, then it poured down my face and everything went black.

  God i hate this.

  —

  I woke up to mad barking from Jack and Sydney who were running down the stairs so fast that i could have sworn they were rolling violently. I opened one eye slightly and saw that the sun had barely come up, it was very early. There was hushed chattering coming from the dining area. Whoever it was tried to be quiet in hopes that the dogs somehow didn’t wake me, but i always heard everything going on in the living area and kitchen from up here anyway. I wasn’t upset over being woken up so early, it spared me some heartache; the next scene in that dream killed me every time. I didn’t want to see mom and dad’s bodies again. Fifteen years later the image was burned into my memory, so not actually seeing them in this dream on this particular morning wouldn’t make a huge difference, but it helped a tiny bit. Regardless, i was still a little grumpy. I got up out of my huge, fluffy, warm bed and stuck my head over the railing. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Tess was happily petting the dogs as they wagged their tails.

  “Hey, honey!” She called up to me cheerfully. “Come on down! Nina’s ready to start breakfast!”

  “Sol!” Adahna was with Tess and waved up at me. I grinned back. Adahna was usually attending to her own tasks so seeing her here was a fun surprise and i was even more grateful. I wondered how many people were attending this breakfast; it seemed like more than Tess let on.

  “What happened to ‘brunch?’” I grumbled.

  “Apparently everyone but us gets up with the sun!” Tess snorted sleepily as Adahna snickered. “Please make coffee.” She pleaded up at me, looking pathetic.

  “Oh i see, you woke me up early for coffee!” I laughed.

  “You make good coffee, barista!”

  “I’m here for coffee, too!” Adahna called up to me, nonchalantly.

  “Yeah yeah, gimme a second.” I called back down. I went to my closet, got dressed then pulled on a very comfortable, thick hoodie. I tied my long, white hair into a messy bun and wrapped a scarf around it. I’m sure Tess warned them that I’m sensitive about my skin and hair, telling them to refrain from staring, but i was still nervous. I put on my old, worn out pink Converse chucks and went downstairs. When Tess saw my face up-close, she and Adahna shot each other worried glances then looked at me, concerned. They knew the mom-and-dad-dream look. The black fluid on the dark living room floor flashed through my mind again, then the next scene of Jet snatching me up and running into the kitchen played. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head quickly at her. We could talk about it later. Maybe.

  Remembering Jet sent a jolt through me and i inhaled sharply. I was about to see him. Jack came over to me and leaned against my leg. He looked up at me and nipped my hand then licked it. I grinned and pet him. He gave me a little dog smile. Tess furrowed her eyebrows skeptically and continued petting Sydney.

  “We’ve got you. Ok?” Adahna took my hand. She stared at me and i nodded once. I darted into the kitchen to grab everything i needed to make the juice i promised, then all of us, including Jack and Sydney, went downstairs to Tess’ apartment, Jack staying close to me. My mom and da—Iov—were waiting in front of Tess’s door. They lit up when they saw me.

  “Aww hey!! We missed you!” Hugs were exchanged then mom handed me a paper bag full of stuff. Mom is a trucker—she’s so cool!—and she’d been out driving for about two weeks. I saw da every few days because he worked with Tess, but it was still not as much as we liked.

  “I missed you too!” I took the bag and looked at her curiously.

  “I got an Outer Banks delivery! Brought you some ‘pieces,’” she beamed. “A few postcards too!”

  “Ooh! Thank you! This is amazing!” I rummaged through the treasures and thought of where they would end up; i collected ‘pieces’ of places in mason jars that lined my room and the cafe; this would be more to add to my OBX collection.

  Mom took me to her hometown in North Carolina a few times in her truck when i was a kid and i loved it. We went all over the outer banks and we saw every lighthouse there, something she’d never been allowed to do as a child. The area was beautiful and fascinating, plus it had interesting spiritual energy. She probably would have asked me to go with her this time but she knew i was fully occupied here with the cafe and the underground.

  We ran the sentient, magical and top secret Underground—Panto—and we took in kids that had nowhere else to go due to abuse and human trafficking. Sometimes, if one of the kids that ended up with us missed their old home, mom would try to get a trip to their hometown and collected things that they described, then she brought it back for them in their very own jar that they could keep in their space in the underground. It really made them happy when she did that. They’d always have a piece of home. I grinned at mom but she and da wore very strained smiles; they knew how nervous i was.

  Tess gave me a look and i knew my stalling was over. Oh boy, i thought. I nodded reluctantly at her then she opened the door. We all went inside. There were a lot of people, more than i expected. Some were familiar: Neesi—Jet’s mother, Aisha—Nhucha’s mother, then Nhucha and her partner—Prince. There was a tall dark man with piercing but kind blue eyes who gave me a small smile and a really pretty woman with long blond hair and indigo eyes. She struck me more than anyone at first. When she looked at me she looked a little surprised, awed, then composed herself. She was petting Sydney, who was ecstatic. That was odd. Sydney didn’t like most people, especially not right away. Correction, she hated most people, but this chick was getting kisses and slobber and everything else. I stared, shocked. The woman smiled and waved at me. I waved back absent-mindedly, watching Sydney roll over and expose her belly for this stranger. I grinned involuntarily and laughed. Nhucha heard me and ran over. She had braided some gold strands into parts of her hair.

  “You ok?” She whispered in my ear as she locked me in a quick, tight hug.

  “Yeah i’m good,” i lied. She narrowed her eyes at me. I nodded. She still didn’t believe me, but she got distracted.

  “Look at you, honey! Why are you covering up your beautiful hair?” She started fussing with my scarf as the stylist in her took over. She took the scarf and ruffled my hair until she was satisfied. I didn’t fight her, she’d win anyway.

  “Where’s Henry?”

  “He is skating in the underground with the other kids,” she chattered happily, seeming relieved. “It’s fine! He was driving me crazy this morning!”

  “Fair enough.” I couldn’t even imagine having a kid; hopefully he was getting some energy out. No one was worried, he was safer there than anywhere else. I set the stuff i was carrying down on the bar next to the kitchen and felt a tiny breeze as Tess appeared and cleared her throat softly next to us.

  “Soleil,” she elbowed me, “this is Nina and her brother Alek,” Tess motioned toward the woman petting Sydney and the man with the piercing blue eyes. I nodded toward them, perching on a stool.

  “Nice to meet you two,” i said softly. I looked up, glanced past her, then caught my breath.

  Jet. His energy was different from the bad night, but i had felt this specific energy before. Last time i felt it, two cattle dog puppies were delivered to Tess and i, with a postcard of Cairo, Egypt, in the basket. I learned later that he left the day the puppies had arrived. The postcard went up on my bedroom wall with the rest of the ones he and mom sent me. After all this time, it was him. I almost ran over and hugged him; this man was the reason my mom and i were still alive today and the reason we had a couple of very infectiously happy dogs around.

  Our eyes met for the first time since the bad night 15 years ago and locked on each other. His eyes were different from the last time i saw him, but the same. They were his, always his, but the gold in them had gotten brighter, highlighting the green irises and dark chocolate outlines. They glowed like gold flecked emeralds on his cinnamon skin, and i felt warm just by being near him again. He stared right back at me, swallowed, opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again, just staring. The entire room seemed unable to move or speak. It was like we were both suspended in time, everyone around us was getting caught in the crossfire, and i could not look away. Nina cleared her throat. Everyone jumped. This irritated me.

  “Um, Soleil?” Nina asked cautiously, a slight accent to her words.

  “Y-yes?” I blinked, dazed. She looked at me awkwardly, scanning everyone else as well, though she seemed amused.

  “Tess says no one in the city makes coffee or tea as well as you. Would you be willing to help me in the kitchen?” She gave me the sweetest smile in the world. Where did she even come from? Did she fall out of a freaking anime or something? I was still annoyed but the idea of experimentation immediately preoccupied my mind. The juice and a new recipe i discovered in Joy of Cooking called Café Br?lot sounded very good and this seemed like the perfect time to try it; lots of feedback. Tess was right about the best coffee and tea in the city. The cafe was a front, a mask for the underground, but it was also one of our beloved hobbies. It needed to be believable, of course, but no less than damn good, and so it was.

  “Sure!” I practically leaped off of the stool. My cheeks were probably the color of red roses, which would stand out horribly on me. Jet and i stared out of the corners of our eyes as i walked into the kitchen. Tess and da looked concerned, Prince looked a little exasperated. Nhucha, Aisha and Neesi were wide-eyed. My mom was smirking and Nina grinned. I huffed quietly and grabbed Joy of Cooking off the shelf. It was a copy from 1980 that i found in a thrift store and gifted to Tess. She was thrilled and it was treasured.

  Tess’s kitchen was right next to the living room so we could see everyone easily. I flipped the lights on and noticed several cloth grocery bags on the counter; impressive. Hardly anyone cared about the planet anymore. Many people swore that caring about our planet was a “socialist plot.” I rolled my eyes at the thought. Everyone was talking loudly and laughing, Jet occasionally glancing my way. I pretended i didn’t notice, but got shaky every time he did. This made me feel odd. I’d known him my entire life but i hadn’t talked to him in a very long time. The last thing i said to him was my whispered, stuttering thanks for saving my life when i was 7 years old.

  He’d always kept in touch even though he had been in the military for so long, sending me postcards, leaving me puppies, just generally watching over me and letting me know he was there. He made sure i knew he would always take care of me like the older brother he’d been when i was little. Now, things were different. We were both adults. Our minds and bodies had changed. In my mind, he didn’t seem like a brother anymore.. and those eyes. I felt more blushing and got irritated.

  Coffee, i thought. Make coffee. Focus. I propped the cookbook open on the blue-tiled counter at the bar and started gathering ingredients. Orange, lemon, cloves, cinnamon sticks, sugar cubes, brandy and coffee. I grabbed a cutting board and a knife then set to work. I may not like to cook, but i sure could make any drink you could ask for. Nina was prepping to cook up a storm: eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, oatmeal and toast on top of the yogurts and jams she’d put in the fridge. She began warming her pans then came over to me and started cutting up all kinds of fruit that came out of her seemingly bottomless cloth bags. She sliced the fruit like a professional and faced me, tilted her head to make sure no one was listening, then started talking with a devious look on her face.

  “So,” she smirked, “you and Jet, hmm?” She winked at me and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively but with an over-exaggerated, faux-mocking tone. I nearly cut my finger instead of the lemon in my hand.

  “W-what,” i stammered, blinking furiously, almost dropping the knife and the lemon. I could feel my cheeks heating up again. “What? No! Of course not! We’re just friends!”

  “I know he saved your life. He told me everything,” Nina said as if she had uncovered a scandal or something. Why did he tell her that? Were Jet and Nina close? How long had they known each other? Nina smirked again as she started putting bacon in one of her pans and sausage in another. “So, if you aren’t interested, do you mind if i..?” She looked at me playfully. I hadn’t noticed earlier but she was in some very short shorts and a tank top that showed off her curvy body and perfect breasts. Her long, pale gold waves framed her face just right and those indigo eyes were like a twilight sky. I was so pale, my eyes were more like a cold, winter sky, and i felt very homely and self-conscious in my bulky hoodie all of a sudden. It must have shown on my face because she popped her hip and gave me a catlike grin.

  “Why would i mind?”

  “Because when your eyes met, time stopped.” Her grin got even bigger.

  “You felt that too- i mean. Um.” I swallowed. “Really, he’s always been like a brother to me. If you made him happy, i would be happy for him. It seems like you two know each other pretty well.”

  “Maybe a bit.”

  “Maybe a lot. He’s never spoken about that night to anyone other than when it was necessary for investigation, from what i’ve heard, but he told you,” i raised an eyebrow.

  “Alright. Maybe a lot. Does that bug you,” she teased.

  “Only because i feel like i’m a bit exposed now.”

  “I understand, but he didn’t go into great detail and he only mentioned it because i could feel it eating him alive and i asked,” she said, momentarily serious.

  “But you know way more about me than most people know, and i don’t know anything about you,” i said.

  “You could get to know me,” she said, looking me up and down. “And if you feel self-conscious in the hoodie, why are you still wearing it? Besides, it’s really hot in here.” She opened the window over the sink.

  I was a little surprised; it was like she’d read me somehow. I wondered if she knew that i wasn’t overly self-conscious about my body other than paleness, i had worn the hoodie to help settle my anxiety. But she was right, it was hot, especially with the stove heating up and my nerves going haywire. I had fewer curves and smaller breasts and i did feel like that would be exaggerated next to her, but i decided to lose the bulk. I took the hoodie off and set it on the other side of the bar, out of the way. I looked up and could have sworn Jet had been staring at me. He looked away as if he’d rather be staring in any direction but mine.

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  Nina looked like she accomplished some goal and giggled as she walked back to the food that was starting to sizzle. Had she been trying to get me out of the hoodie in hopes that he’d notice me?!

  “Wait,” i practically snarled in disbelief and whirled around to face her. “You don’t really like him?” I whispered fiercely. She giggled again.

  “Oh, i do. He’s gorgeous, but i’m willing to share. Both of you.” She winked again, looking me up and down. Was she serious? I snorted out a giggle. My laughter made her laugh.

  “You girls sound like you’re having fun in there!” I could hear the smile in Tess’s voice. She always wanted me to socialize more. “What are you up to?”

  “Nothing!” I shouted.

  “Girl stuff!” Nina shouted at the same time, then both of us started laughing again.

  I felt like i could be myself around Nina, relaxed, and i felt Tess’s relief. So that was it. She was hoping Nina and i would become friends, for both of our sakes; she probably needed friends. If Tess said she had a bad past, it was probably very very bad, and she was new to the area. Plus, Tess didn’t want me to become like her. I didn’t think that would be an undesirable thing at all, but she had a hard time connecting with others. I did as well, but not as bad as her. I didn’t see anything at all wrong with her, though. Since her aunt and uncle who gave her this house passed away, she had no blood family of her own, but she had a family. Anyone who had even half of what she had should consider themselves lucky. And here she was, still bringing more people together. Nina scooted closer to me.

  “Hey, you got champagne, right?” she whispered excitedly.

  “Yes.”

  “Fabulous! Mimosa time” she said in a sing-song voice, pointing at the orange juice she brought. I looked over at it and remembered the juice i was supposed to be making. I finished the coffee preparations then started on the juice. Nina watched curiously as i crammed nectarines and clementines into the juicer then added a few drops of orange blossom water. She looked enchanted as she sniffed it. “Oh wow! That smells magical!” I grinned but gasped when i caught a glimpse of the bacon.

  “Your bacon is burning!” I said urgently, walking over to it.

  “Huh? It’s still basically raw.”

  “No, it’s burning,” i insisted. She stared.

  “That bacon needs to cook for a lot longer. I like it crispy.” We bickered for a few more minutes and then got everything ready to serve. She set aside some “raw bacon” for me and then, in my opinion, burned the rest. Minutes later, we were all on the west facing balcony eating breakfast, laughing and talking. At some point Ceilican came down from my place and parked next to Jack under my chair. Jack growled at him and i shushed him. He didn’t trust cats. I took turns petting them and thought about my next shift at the cafe later today. Everyone was preoccupied and Jet and i, who were sitting adjacent to each other at the end of the table, locked eyes again. I nervously poured myself another Café Br?lot and used the cup to hide my face.

  “I’m glad you bonded with the pups,” Jet said quietly between mouthfuls of cheesy eggs. “Their names are Jack and Sydney, right?” I nodded. He awkwardly looked down at his plate then set his fork down. I felt like my body locked at every single joint, i couldn’t move. What was he doing?

  “I’m... i’m really... about that night... that...” he choked on his words. “Listen, i feel awful-“

  “What?”

  “I... i feel like... i’m sorry, Soleil.” He put his head in his hands. I stared.

  “Jet,” i said in disbelief, setting down my cup. “Jet, you saved my life.” The whole table had gone quiet now. “You saved me. If it weren’t for you-“ i couldn’t go on and looked around desperately.

  “She wouldn’t be here.” Tess finished, smiling kindly at him. I glanced at her, then at my mom, who was tearing up and gripping da’s hand. I looked back at Jet. I couldn’t imagine being in a bloodbath of my own family, but that’s where he had found himself all those years ago. He thought it was just a simple initiation, no violence, but it was a hit on Neil, my biological father. Neil’s father was an IRS auditor who snarked off to the wrong people, and the wrong people wanted to hit him where it hurt the most; his kids. The hit was designed to look like simple gang activity… an initiation. Jet couldn’t save my father and my mother nearly died, but he went out of his way to save me. He begged me not to tell anyone because he was worried that gang members would find him and kill him in prison, then he pled guilty to killing my father to make his story believable.

  “None of us would be here today, here with our families” added Alek in an accent similar to Nina’s, beaming at her gratefully. She smiled back at him. I didn’t know their stories, but it looked like everyone at this table had a reason to be thankful for Jet. He looked around.

  “But Neil…. and Ami almost-“ Jet started. His face was twisted with guilt and pain.

  “Neil was a loss, yes, but Ami is alive. She’s here, Jet. She has a life, we have a daughter.. because of you.” Da said, gripping mom’s hands fervently. She nodded encouragingly at Jet who buried his face in his hands again.

  “Thank you,” mom said tearfully, “for doing anything and everything to keep us safe that night and after. Thank you so much.” Before i could really think about it, i got up and hugged him. He stood up and i felt his arms around my waist as his tears soaked my shoulder. He was warm and i was so comfortable. Next thing i knew, Nhucha joined us.

  “Jet, my stupid ass brother,” she said, tearing up but beaming at him, “this is my little sister. She’s here because of you.” She gripped his shoulder reassuringly and pulled us both into a hug. Neesi and Aisha came over and hugged us too. We were all laughing and crying at the same time. Tess, mom and Iov were sniffling behind us and i saw that Prince and Alek were trying to hold it together. I looked at the others, my face buried in Jet’s chest with his arm still holding me, and saw Nina with a huge smile on her face looking right at me. I glared playfully and closed my eyes. Everyone else attempted to recompose themselves and sat back down. When Jet and i broke apart, i noticed that he was really tall, over 6 feet. I was only 5’3” so it was a noticeable difference, at least to me. He looked down at me, and i looked back up at him.

  “You’re tall,” i said, impressed.

  “You’re short.” He laughed and i smiled.

  Later, Jet, Prince and Alek shooed everyone out of the kitchen, insisting on cleaning it since Nina and i had cooked. They told Nhucha not to help because today was supposed to be a break for her, so she and Tess decided to take Nina on a tour of the building. It was chilly so i put my hoodie back on then went upstairs. I was craving a small break from the chaos and decided to go ahead and water our rooftop garden; we had a beautiful collection of succulents, roses and daisies. We also had quite a few herbs, most of which were used for recipes at the cafe. I was feeding the koi fish when the tour showed up; they’d started at Tess’ apartment then came upstairs to mine.

  “It was an attic that we completely overhauled. Mom started the whole thing but then she went on the road so Tess and i finished it,” i told Nina excitedly as Jet and Alek joined us. I smiled at them.

  “Yeah! At first i was going to take it but these old knees”- Tess slapped one of them- “can’t handle all these goddamn stairs. I don’t mind, though! Before Ami and Sol, i hung out in that makeshift living space where the cafe is now with all my research and a buncha crap. They made me live like a human being!” She laughed loudly and everyone joined her.

  “This is impressive,” Nina had immediately began poking around while she listened. She was like a child in a toy store and she lit up when she saw the pond. “Why hello there fishy fish!” She kneeled on the side of the pond and stared, eyes sparkling, directly at the fish. This made me nervous and the fish hid. “Can i feed them??”

  “Aw, i already fed them for today. Next time?”

  “Hmmm,” she pouted. “I guess so. It’ll give me an excuse to come back and bug you!” She winked seductively at me and Jet snorted then burst into laughter at my shock. “It’s so cute when you blush, WOW, you are very pink!”

  “Nina! Boundaries!” Tess called as i scowled. I was sure everyone could tell i was embarrassed, she didn’t have to point it out, though we’d passed the point of feigned coyness a while ago.

  “Yeah,” she winced. “Still getting used to this whole social thing.” Alek rolled his eyes and Jet looked at me apologetically. I hid my face then grinned at him. Nina was definitely likable, just very loud. Nhucha, however, glared at her. So protective.

  “She’s fine,” i told Nhucha as i edged closer to her.

  “She’s rude,” she grumbled, still glaring.

  “Tess said she has ‘a past’ so i assume she has some, er, quirks. Such as like.. no boundaries.” I looked over at Nina as she gushed over a butterfly on a flower, completely oblivious to this conversation. I smirked. Nhucha rolled her eyes then relaxed a bit.

  “Fine. She gets a pass. For now.” Everyone started heading back downstairs for the rest of the tour; the cafe and the entrance to the underground in the basement, where Henry was hanging out with the rest of the kids. I noticed Nina push Jet softly toward me and furrowed my eyebrows. She grinned sweetly at him, looked at me, then back at him. She turned and followed Tess. Jet lingered and Alek glanced at him as he started down the stairs. He paused but Jet nodded at him and gave a small, discreet wave. Alek smiled at me, i smiled back, then he went downstairs too. I set down my watering can then walked over to my papasan chair and sat down.

  “So... who are they?” I asked, watching after Nina and Alek. Jet looked at me for a second then sighed.

  “I know i can trust you, huh?” He walked over to me and leaned against the wall. “They saved my life. Alek is my half brother and he is Nina’s half brother.” He looked concerned at my shock.

  “They saved your life?!” I swallowed. What had he been through? I noticed odd scars on one of his knees but didn’t know if asking about it would be rude, then another thought occurred. “Wait, you’re related to Nina?”

  “Oh, nah, Alek and i had the same father”- he said the last word as if it was poison in his mouth- “but Alek and Nina have the same mother.” He grinned at my facial expression.

  “O-oh. Like i get it, but whoa.”

  “Yeah,” he said knowingly then snickered. “Imagine telling people how you met.”

  “Are you and her..?”

  “Well. We are close. Not really together but we are close.” He gauged my reaction. “It’s hard to explain.”

  “Interesting.”

  “Are you just trying to play off discomfort?”

  “No, actually. As long as it’s all consensual,” i said cautiously.

  “Cool.” He looked down at me with a half smile. “I think she has a crush on you.”

  “Me?!”

  “Yeah. You didn’t notice?”

  “Why would that goddess like me?” I thought of her curvy body and was sure my cheeks gave the thought away.

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he raised an eyebrow, looked away, then back at me.

  “Well i don’t think i’m ugly, but her.. she’s way out of my league.” I shook my head and looked out from the roof, admiring my city. I wanted to change the subject.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He said, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

  “Yes,” i glanced at him. “You love it, too?”

  “The city is-” he started. I finished the quote and he looked awed as i hummed the song.

  “My temple, my shrine,” i whispered. It was a beautiful, overcast day; my favorite kind. I wrapped a hospital blanket around my shoulders. It used to be my mom’s and she had tons of them. Tess said they comforted her more than normal blankets for some reason. I made a mental note to ask her about that some day. I looked up at him and smiled, squinting my eyes in the light. He smiled back.

  “Can i.. uh.. sit?” He asked, still cautious.

  “Sure.” I nodded then scooted over as much as possible. He sat down in the chair, pressed up against me. After that weird moment before breakfast then the hug fest, our new closeness wasn’t uncomfortable. I was, however, concerned about whatever happened before breakfast. Something clicked and it changed how i saw him. The earlier nervousness was starting to subside, but a new sort of anxiety was taking its place, one i didn’t understand.

  “I hope it’s ok but i’m going to be here quite a bit, ya know. Have to be around to work with Tess and..” he trailed off, putting his hand behind his head. He looked nervous.

  “That should be fine,” i looked sideways at him then back over the city when he made eye contact. Why was i so damn nervous? I berated myself, hoping the usual “heart on my sleeve” wasn’t showing. He looked at me for a moment and seemed relieved.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah,” i giggled. “Why wouldn’t that be ok?”

  “I dunno, i guess i still don’t feel like i deserve to be... here,” he looked down.

  “Jet,” i turned toward him. “You should be here more than anyone. Everyone agrees on that. You protected us with your life and with everything you had. I wish you could feel what i feel. Safe.” Our eyes connected. I felt like a silly school girl next to him but i also felt like i belonged right here, like i’d always belonged right here. Even when we were apart, i knew that he had been with me. He put his arm around me and pulled me in for another hug. I knew he wanted to apologize again, and when he started, i pulled away and covered his mouth with my hand. “Stop.”

  “But-“ he said, muffled. I didn’t relent.

  “Please? I’m fine,” i promised, nodding. “Just be here. Ok? Don’t be sorry, be here.” He nodded. I lowered my hand. “Ok then.”

  When i touched him my hand felt electric hot and tingly. It was a sequel to whatever happened in the dining room earlier, and i started to tremble. What was going on here? Something very big was happening, i didn’t understand what i was feeling. So much had changed today, but i knew that he belonged here, and i knew he’d protect me, he had killed to protect me. Both of us looked over our city. Something, everything, was changing.

  [Inspiration Song | M83, “Midnight City”]