I sighed, disgruntled, as the decision to air out some of my past had apparently been made. Both Ferrisdae and Dalsarel were on the edge of their seats, waiting for someone to speak up. They had been looking at me, but I was making it abundantly clear that this wasn’t my story to tell. If those drunks wanted to live in the past, then they could do it themselves.

  Tabitha cleared her throat. Of course she would be the one to start.

  “I started Reliable Rhodes almost thirty years ago,” she began.

  “Don’t know if you have to go that far back to tell the story,” I scoffed.

  Tabitha ignored me. “It had started innocently enough. I was a guard for the Strongheart Tribe. Nomads wandering the continent. If there were monsters or bandits, then I was sent to deal with them. It became apparent to me that I was stronger than the others, and it made me want more. Not for fame, or glory, or riches, but for the opportunity to protect more than just my own community.”

  “And for the thrills,” Danella giggled. In her inebriation, she was now thoroughly draped over my wife.

  “Yes, and I was a bit of a thrill seeker,” Tabitha agreed, patting the taller woman on the head. “I became an adventurer and, over time, gathered up Reliable Rhodes.”

  “The early days were pretty fun,” Gro said wistfully. “Danella and I were the first to join up. Tabitha wanted a healer, I wanted someone to hide behind, and our priestess here was wary but eager to make some friends.”

  “It’s not easy being cloistered for most of your life,” Danella pouted. “People kept staring at me, and I just wanted friends.”

  “Yes, and you got them,” Tabitha replied with a smile before turning to the Elves. “The three of us took on a few adventures before teaming up with Sophia, who fit right in. We became the best of friends.”

  “And then, Ulrich joined,” Gro said dramatically, his voice low before he laughed. “Which was honestly fine. This was about a year or so after Reliable Rhodes got together. He was a team player even if he thought he knew better than everyone else. The only issue was that he liked hard quests and we were on rotation to see who picked the next one.”

  Danella pointed in my general direction. “Ulrich picked the Badger quest.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  Tabitha smiled at me, and I softened up a little bit. “We didn’t know what we were getting into at first,” she said. “It already had nearly ten failures reported, but that wasn’t really something odd. Some dungeons were tougher than others. This one was just another of those. There weren’t any casualties, so we decided to try our hand at it.”

  “No casualties?” Dalsarel asked, arching an eyebrow as she looked at me. “I know that the members of the quarry can be a little overzealous when defending ourselves—”

  “That’s putting it mildly,” Ferrisdae muttered.

  The white-haired Elf rolled her eyes and continued. “But if you had ten attempts, how come there were no fatalities?”

  “Because I didn’t kill any adventurers, obviously,” I said with a frown. She blinked but seemed to understand the subtext. I jerked my head in Tabitha’s direction. “Just let her tell the story.”

  Tabitha nodded as Dalsarel turned towards her. “Ulrich loved picking ones that had a lot of reported failures. He was a little hesitant on this one since it didn’t seem deadly, but he picked it anyway. We met with the owner of Talson Acquisitions, a Human who named his company after himself, to see what the quest was all about and get some insight on the situation.”

  “Fucker,” I said, my voice full of vitriol. Gently, I set my empty glass on the table beside me before I could crush it in my grip.

  Gro nodded, picking up where my wife left off. “He seemed like a decent enough man when we got to know him,” the Orc said cautiously, not looking at me when he said it. “Apparently, there was a dungeon of unknown origin that hadn’t been looted in a while. The magic crystals inside were ripe for the taking, and he had an inkling that they were more powerful than usual. There was just one problem.”

  “A psychotic little Halfling named Badger,” Danella stated, her eyes closed.

  Tabitha took her friend’s empty glass and handed it to Dalsarel, who put it on the table. My wife adjusted the priestess so her head was on her lap, and the Human woman giggled before settling in. “He had tried everything. Negotiation, bribery, violence,” she listed, petting Danella’s hair. She was a little drunk now, too. “Getting adventurers involved was Talson’s final solution.”

  “Really should have seen the signs that something was wrong,” Gro sighed, to which I nodded once. “But the pay was stellar and, after hearing about it, Ulrich was convinced that it was worth our time, so we took it. We were at a Consortium location, because that’s where the quest was posted, but it took us nearly two weeks of travel to find the damned place. It was that deep in the Coroda Wildlands, smack dab in the middle of nowhere.”

  “Out of everything said so far, I think that makes the most sense,” Ferrisdae remarked. “Badger would live that far from society even if it meant the landscape was inhospitable, wouldn’t he?”

  Tabitha smiled, but didn’t answer the question. “I don’t know if you know about the Coroda Wildlands, Dals, but it was a slog just making it where we needed to go. We were beset from all sides by beasts and monsters alike, but we followed the map and finally made it to where we needed to go. We were told that it was simply a cave on the side of the cliff, and that everything they needed was inside.”

  “Imagine our surprise when we arrived to find what was basically a small village,” Gro said, shaking his head. “I’m talking homes with gardens, farmland, and a big square in the middle. There was a cliff and there was a cave, but before we reached that we had to go through the dirt streets. Do you know who we found?”

  “Halflings?” Ferrisdae asked, glancing at me.

  “No one but the animals,” he answered. “Not a single soul was around. There were tracks, of course. They all led to the cave. That’s when we started getting a bad feeling.”

  “But we were adventurers, so we kept moving forward,” Tabitha said. “We didn’t touch anyone’s things. Didn’t go ransacking or pillaging. That’s not what Reliable Rhodes was about. We did see damage, though. People’s houses had been repaired or boarded up. Some fields had nothing growing in them, not even weeds. It was halfway desolate, which only contributed to the eerie feelings.”

  “Then, the cave,” Danella mumbled, shifting onto her back in a way that made her shirt ride up. Tabitha smoothed it automatically, used to her friend after many years together.

  “That damned cave,” Gro sighed, shaking his head.

  “We went in there expecting a fight,” Tabitha said. “It wasn’t all that big. Perhaps as wide around as this building, and had a few thin, stone walls for cover. It was an arena, plain and simple, meant to give a single combatant a fighting chance against groups of people.”

  I crossed my arms and set my jaw, trying not to smile at the memory. That had been a good battlefield for me.

  Tabs looked my way, a nostalgic look on her face. “Badger was glorious,” she all but whispered before speaking up. “He stood there, polished armor gleaming, sword and shield in hand, and demanded we left that place.”

  “Things would have been a lot easier if we did,” Gro sighed.

  If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  “Ulrich was the first to strike, launching a stone fist at Badger,” Tabitha continued. “That started the fight off properly. Even though I wasn’t ready yet, I went onto the frontline, Gro took up position in the doorway, and Danella and Sophia fell into their roles as support. I went to clash with him, and do you know what he did?”

  “Fall in love with you?” Ferrisdae asked, clearly having some implausibly romantic thoughts about this battle.

  “Ha! No,” my wife snorted. “He parried my axe, headbutted me, and then ignored me when I was reeling from the blow.”

  “He was behind cover so I couldn’t shoot him, but I saw Tabitha stumble backwards and fall right on her ass,” Gro laughed. “The bastard had his shield and body low as he gave our leader his back, and I could see him giving me the side eye the whole time he was running. I wasn’t the target, though.”

  Danella yawned and raised a shaky hand.

  “Always go after the healer first,” Dalsarel stated sagely.

  “That’s exactly what he did,” Tabitha confirmed. By the time I stood up, he had gotten around Ulrich and had reached Danella. She cast Water Wall, not that it mattered. Badger tried to cut through the barrier of steaming geysers she conjured and, when it didn’t work, he jumped onto his shield and rode the water to the ceiling before jumping down at her.”

  “He hit me here,” the priestess whined, pointing at a spot on her head.

  “With the pommel of my sword,” I clarified, stepping in for the first time. “I didn’t skewer her through the brain. Obviously.”

  “Danella went down like a sack of rocks, and Sophia disappeared through an illusion,” Tabs said. “Badger stood there, listening. He blocked an arrow from Gro—”

  “Which was bullshit,” the Orc interrupted with a sigh. “I had you.”

  “You did not. I heard the creak of your bow as you were about to shoot,” I told him.

  “Bullshit,” he repeated.

  Tabitha shook her head. “Despite that, Ulrich’s chanting, and my approach, he leapt away shield first and pounced on Sophia,” she continued. “Pinned her to the ground before knocking her out. He was always on the move, not giving any of us time to breathe. Whether it was making me chase after him, keeping Ulrich from casting spells by messing up his hands, or threatening Gro any time he was between arrows, Badger was always doing something.”

  “For such a little guy, he had a big presence,” Gro said, leaning forward. “This calm, disgruntled fellow you’re used to? That’s the kind of mild-mannered presence that comes from being domesticated.”

  “Hey,” I warned.

  “You want to sit there and tell me you haven’t calmed down since Tabitha tamed you?” he challenged, arching a bushy eyebrow. “Because that’s exactly what happened and you know it.”

  I looked away, scowling. It wasn’t like he was totally right.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he chuckled triumphantly before turning to the Elves. “He was a monster back then. Which makes sense. He grew up in the damned Coroda Wildlands as the protector of his village. You don’t get that title without becoming the kind of thing you slay.”

  “We’re starting to stray from the story, which was how we met,” I said, not appreciating that line of commentary. “We don’t need to get into my home.”

  “We really do,” Tabs argued. I frowned, but took another drink instead of snapping back. “Because after you took down Ulrich and Gro, we fought and I didn’t last much longer than anyone else did. When we woke up, you had dragged us into the forest so we could leave.”

  “Tegril said you didn’t come with impure hearts, so you got to go free,” I said, crossing my arms.

  “Wait, you were already a paladin at that point?” Ferrisdae asked.

  “That’s straying from the story,” I repeated.

  “Not really,” Tabs said. “Because we didn’t leave after that. We tried again. And again. And again.”

  Danella held up five fingers before putting her hand down, not saying anything.

  “Yeah, five more times after the first attempt,” Gro translated, sitting back in his seat. “Each time we wanted to go back, but Ulrich said it was good training.”

  “To be fair to him, it was,” Tabs replied. “We got a heck of a lot stronger in a short amount of time for how often we got knocked down.”

  “He started going soft on you?” Dalsarel asked.

  “Gods, no,” my wife laughed. “We just started adjusting. The last time we went back, there was a woman there with him. Do you want to take this part, Badger?”

  “No,” I answered. When she gave me a look, I sighed and relented. “The woman was Matriarch Willow.”

  “Oh, was your daughter named after her?” Ferrisdae asked.

  “Yes, she was,” I confirmed. “The community had been holed up in the back of my cave, hidden behind a secret wall, for the past week because this band of misfits couldn’t leave well enough alone.”

  “It wasn’t in our nature to quit,” Tabs proudly stated.

  “Most of us wanted to, though,” Gro added, earning himself a glare.

  “Normally, I was the only one to interact with people who came from outside of the Wildlands, but it was clear that they weren’t going to leave,” I continued. “So Matriarch Willow came out to negotiate. We had been visited by outside forces before. The Department of Dungeons was one, though it had been a short meeting with someone not nearly as thorough as I became. They’re no longer with the department.”

  I shook my head. “That’s neither here nor there. We learned that there was a quest, which explained why we were getting so violent visitors, but we recognized the description of Talson. He had come several times before. He was a slippery bastard, always managing to slip away before I could deal with him permanently.”

  “It turns out he was just using us adventurers to try and finish the job he couldn’t,” Gro spat, crossing his arms.

  “What job was that?” Ferrisdae asked.

  “Slaver,” I answered angrily. The room seemed to get colder as the mood settled.

  My apprentice’s brows shot up in surprise. “In the Coroda Wildlands? It would be suicide trying to find slaves there.”

  “But they would be strong,” Gro said quietly.

  “And if fewer people made it back after a successful raid, then that meant the cut was larger for those who did,” Tabitha added, her voice soft. It was clear that she didn’t like that they had been tricked into helping out slavers.

  “The only place more remote and lawless were the Thieflands, so they had free reign of the area as long as they survived,” I said. I hadn’t planned on divulging this much, but chalked it up to the alcohol as I continued. “It started off with a few tribes and other villages that stopped sending people to trade. We didn’t know anything was wrong, figuring that something had happened whether it was monster attacks or they didn’t grow enough to think it was worth visiting us. Then, it was our turn.”

  I looked down at Tabitha to see her worried smile, and I shrugged. “Talson came almost nonstop for a few months with people trained to catch us. We were strong, given that we grew up surrounded by danger, but most of my community weren’t trained to fight. It wasn’t how we did things. He would catch some of my kin, drag them away, and I would go after them. We already had the tunnels for when strong monsters wandered nearby, but we hadn’t had to use them for a while. Not until they came.”

  “Badger, that’s horrible,” my apprentice said.

  “Yeah, well, that’s the way of the world,” I replied, brushing it off as my mind wandered.

  Fighting against Talson’s forces was how I was noticed by Tegril. I wasn’t out there spreading justice through the world, but sticking at home to protect those closest to me. Killing slavers was on the god’s agenda, and I was doing it admirably. My fights were a near daily occurrence with little opportunity to rest. The village was destroyed in an attempt to prevent us from having food and shelter, but we had the foresight to stock up.

  By the time they lost enough people to rely on adventurers, the constant bloodshed had molded me into a cold blooded killer, executing my own form of justice. It was during that time when the dungeon formed around me, giving me the perfect place to protect my people. Such a thing just didn’t happen.

  That in itself had scared the people I had sworn to keep safe. I had no minions, just myself and the DTER they had to pass through to reach the outside world.

  I sighed. “I protected my village like I was supposed to. That’s all.”

  “I feel like there’s a lot more than that,” Dalsarel stated quietly. “What happened to Talson?”

  “He’s dead,” I answered immediately. “And that’s all that needs to be said on the matter.”

  Tabitha gave me a sympathetic smile. It had been a long time since we had told this story. “After that, we trained together, took down a slavery ring that got us involved with their terrible deeds, and eventually fell in love and had two beautiful daughters,” she said, skipping ahead. In an act that was not at all smooth, she looked at the clock. “And, would you look at that, it’s already time for bed.”

  Gro arched an eyebrow. “It’s only—”

  “Time. For. Bed,” she repeated in a stern but motherly voice.

  Gro and the Elves immediately stood up as if they had been conditioned to listen to that tone. The girls looked at each other, surprised by their reaction, before looking at my wife in a whole new light.

  Tabs glanced at me, and I nodded, lethargic as I stood up to stretch. Conversation was sparse as everyone processed or relived the end of tale that had just been told, and we all headed to our rooms.