The Hero is Too Busy Paying His Rent!Chapter 13: A Punny Thing Happened on the Way to WorkPrologue: A Normal Morning? That’s Suspicious.I woke up to an unsettling silence.

  No explosions.No vilins crashing through my window.No reality-breaking nonsense.

  Just… peace.

  Which meant something terrible was about to happen.

  Morning: A Breakfast Full of RegretI shuffled into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes. Kenji was already at the table, munching on toast.

  “Morning, bro,” he said.

  I yawned. “Morning.”

  Then I opened the fridge.

  Inside, I found… absolutely nothing.

  My stomach growled.

  I sighed. “We’re out of food.”

  Kenji frowned. “We are?”

  I held up a completely empty milk carton. “This is emptier than my bank account.”

  Kenji whistled. “Dang. That’s pretty bad.”

  I turned to him. “Didn’t you go shopping yesterday?”

  Kenji scratched his head. “I did, but… y’know, food disappears fast.”

  I crossed my arms. “Kenji. What exactly did you buy?”

  Kenji looked away. “Uh… mainly instant noodles.”

  “…And?”

  “…A single tomato.”

  I stared at him. “Just one tomato?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I figured we could ketchup ter.”

  …

  I closed my eyes.

  Took a deep breath.

  Then I threw the empty milk carton at his head.

  Kenji dodged, ughing. “What? You don’t appreciate a good pun?”

  I pointed at the door. “Get out.”

  Kenji smirked. “I’d butter stay.”

  I grabbed another object to throw.

  Kenji raised his hands. “Okay, okay! I’ll leave before things get toasty.”

  I unched a spoon at him.

  The Journey to Work: A War of WordsOn our way to Burger Castle, Kenji was still relentlessly punning.

  “Y’know, I really relish these walks,” he said.

  I groaned. “Kenji, I will commit a crime.”

  Kenji grinned. “I’d sausage your temper, but I think you’re on a roll.”

  I turned to Melodia, who had joined us midway. “Make him stop.”

  Melodia smirked. “Oh, I don’t know, Rento. This is pretty bready entertaining.”

  …Not you too.

  I massaged my temples. “I am this close to walking into traffic.”

  Kenji nodded. “Sounds like you’re at your wits’ baguette.”

  I groaned louder.

  Melodia chuckled. “Come on, you should be happy. A little pundemonium never hurt anyone.”

  That was it.

  I turned, grabbed Kenji’s colr, and shook him. “STOP.”

  Kenji just grinned. “Not until you crack a joke yourself.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Never.”

  Kenji smirked. “Then the puns shall never end.”

  I clenched my fists.

  Fine.

  If I wanted to survive, I had to fight fire with fire.

  I took a deep breath.

  Then, with all the strength in my soul, I muttered:

  “…You’re really milking this, huh?”

  Kenji froze.

  Melodia gasped. “Oh my gods. Did you just—”

  I crossed my arms. “That’s right. I dairy you to keep going.”

  Kenji clutched his heart. “Bro… I’m so proud.”

  Melodia wiped away a fake tear. “They grow up so fast.”

  I sighed. I hate them both.

  Work: The Curse of the Unwanted WordpyBurger Castle was surprisingly normal for the first ten minutes of our shift.

  Then the customers arrived.

  And suddenly, every single one of them was talking in puns.

  A man in a wizard robe walked up to the counter. “I’ll have a magical meal, please.”

  I stared. “A what?”

  He waved his hands. “A spellbinding sandwich.”

  Kenji whispered, “Dude, I think he means a regur burger.”

  The wizard nodded. “But make sure it’s enchantingly delicious!”

  I sighed. “Fine. One burger.”

  Before I could even call the order, a knight in full armor stepped up.

  “Verily, I requesteth a knightly nugget meal!”

  I stared. “A what?”

  Kenji leaned over. “Chicken nuggets.”

  The knight nodded. “Aye, but make them heroic.”

  …

  Oh gods.

  This was a pgue.

  The pun pgue.

  One by one, more customers came in, each speaking worse and worse puns.

  A vampire: “I’d like a bloody good steak.”

  A pirate: “Gimme a treasure chest of fries.”

  A goblin: “Me want golden crispy rings of joy!”

  I turned to Kenji. “Did you do this?”

  Kenji held up his hands. “Dude, I swear I didn’t start this.”

  I groaned. “I can’t take it.”

  Then I turned to our manager, Tanaka.

  Surely, he would put a stop to this madness.

  Tanaka blinked at me. Then, slowly, he said:

  “Looks like it’s a real pun-derstorm in here.”

  …

  I quit.

  The Backroom: My Breaking PointI stormed into the backroom.

  Melodia followed, ughing. “Come on, Rento! You can’t escape the wordpy!”

  I grabbed my head. “Why is this happening?! What cosmic force decided today was ‘Annoy Rento With Puns’ day?!”

  Melodia shrugged. “Maybe the universe just thinks you need to loosen up.”

  I gred at her. “I am already at my loosest.”

  Kenji walked in, still ughing. “Bro, that sentence was wildly incorrect.”

  I slumped against the wall. “I can’t keep doing this.”

  Kenji grinned. “C’mon, just accept it. You’re one of us now.”

  Melodia nodded. “Yeah! Once you start punning, there’s no going back.”

  I pointed at the door. “Both of you. Leave.”

  Melodia smirked. “Alright, alright. No need to be so pouty.”

  Kenji ughed. “Yeah, don’t get all grumpy and fry-tened.”

  I threw a ketchup bottle at them.

  The Final Straw: The Demon King Joins InBy the end of the shift, I was barely clinging to my sanity.

  Then the Demon King walked in.

  He sat at his usual spot, sipping his coffee.

  For a moment, there was peace.

  Then he looked at me and said:

  “I would like a hellishly hot burger.”

  …

  I dropped the cash register.

  Melodia burst out ughing.

  Kenji fell to the floor.

  I grabbed the counter. “Not you too.”

  The Demon King took another sip. “Why not?”

  I pointed at him. “You are the Lord of Darkness! The Ruler of the Underworld! You should not be making puns!”

  The Demon King shrugged. “Even evil appreciates good wordpy.”

  I colpsed.

  Kenji wiped his eyes. “Dude. We broke him.”

  Melodia giggled. “This was the best day ever.”

  I just y there, staring at the ceiling.

  I give up.

  Epilogue: Acceptance is the First StepWhen I got home, I sat on the couch in silence.

  Kenji plopped down next to me. “You okay, bro?”

  I exhaled. “No.”

  Kenji patted my shoulder. “C’mon, it wasn’t that bad.”

  I turned to him.

  And then, in the quietest, most broken voice, I whispered:

  “…It was pun-ishing.”

  Kenji gasped.

  Melodia, who had just walked in, froze.

  I chuckled darkly.

  “That’s right,” I muttered. “I’ve joined the dark side.”

  Kenji grinned. “Oh man. This is the greatest day of my life.”

  Melodia nodded. “We should celebrate. With a pun-kin pie.”

  I sighed.

  There’s no escape.

  To Be Continued…