The Hero is Too Busy Paying His Rent!Chapter 5: The Double Date from Hell (Featuring a Demon King and a Cashier with a Knife)Let me be clear.
I did not ask for this.
I did not pn to spend my day off trapped in a restaurant of nightmares, pretending to be on a double date with my worst coworkers.
Yet, here I was.
Sitting at a fancy Italian bistro, across from Princess Melodia, while the Demon King casually sipped wine next to an actual eldritch horror.
Why?
Because corporate team-building exercises are a scam.
This Disaster Started with a Manager MeetingAt 9:00 AM, I arrived at Burger Castle ready for a normal shift.
That dream ended immediately when our regional manager, Mr. Tanaka, burst in with his fake smile and dead eyes.
"Teamwork is the heart of every successful business!" he decred.
I blinked. "You fired half our staff st week."
Tanaka ughed in that "I have no soul" kind of way. "Haha! Anyway! I've signed you all up for a corporate bonding event!"
The words "MANDATORY DOUBLE DATE" appeared on the break room screen.
Kenji, halfway through eating a deep-fried napkin, squinted. "Wait, what?"
"It's simple!" Tanaka grinned. "We pair employees randomly, and you go on a fun restaurant outing together to build trust and cooperation!"
I raised a hand. "Sir, we work in fast food."
"And what is fast food, Rento?" Tanaka asked.
"...Food that is fast?"
"EXACTLY. And you know what else is fast?"
"...What?"
Tanaka cpped. "The bond of friendship!"
I stared at him.
Kenji dipped his napkin into ketchup. "Yo, can I get paired with Greg the Turtle?"
Tanaka ignored him.
"Pairings are already set!" He dramatically hit a button.
The screen flickered.
MATCH 1: RENTO & PRINCESS MELODIA
MATCH 2: DEMON KING & AN ABYSSAL NIGHTMARE
MATCH 3: KENJI & A PIECE OF CARDBOARD
Kenji fist-pumped. "Nice."
I stood up. "No. Absolutely not. I refuse."
Tanaka put a hand on my shoulder. His grip was cold. His smile was empty.
"You don’t have a choice."
Date Night: Now Featuring an Overpowered Third-WheelerThe Italian restaurant looked normal at first.
Candlelit tables. Soft music. No visible portals to hell.
But when we walked in, the hostess immediately handed us a warning flyer:
"DEMON KING NOT ALLOWED IN WINE CELLAR. PLEASE DO NOT LET HIM CHALLENGE THE CHEF TO A DUEL."
I turned to him.
"Why does this pce already know you?"
The Demon King swirled his wine. "I have… a history."
Princess Melodia, still sulking, stabbed a breadstick.
"I can’t believe I’m here," she muttered. "I have better things to do."
"You threatened a customer with a knife this morning," I reminded her.
"That was work-reted."
Before I could argue, the Demon King's date arrived.
The entire room fell silent.
A six-eyed, tentacled entity slithered through the door, its shadow warping reality itself. The candles flickered. The walls wept blood.
It gurgled in an ancient, forgotten tongue:
"?????????? ?????"
The hostess screamed and ran away.
The Demon King stood, bowed respectfully, and pulled out her chair.
"Lady N’zra, you look as beautiful as ever."
She made a horrific, inhuman screeching sound.
The Demon King ughed. "Ftterer."
Melodia dropped her knife. "I—what—who—"
I rubbed my temples. "You’re dating an eldritch horror."
The Demon King grinned. "I have excellent taste."
The Worst Possible Conversation TopicsFive minutes in, everything went wrong.
Problem #1: Melodia’s Princess Complex.
"This food is not fit for royalty!" Melodia huffed, pushing her pte away. "Where is the celestial ambrosia?! The enchanted moon wine?!"
I sighed. "Melodia. This is a family restaurant."
The Demon King, politely cutting his steak, raised a hand.
"Actually, I own three celestial vineyards. Would you like a bottle?"
Melodia’s eye twitched.
"NO, I DON’T WANT YOUR STUPID DEMON WINE!"
N’zra hissed. The lights flickered. Somewhere, a waiter fainted.
"Apologies, my dear," the Demon King said smoothly. "N’zra says she found your tone disrespectful."
Melodia paled. "I—I didn’t mean—"
N’zra tilted her many-eyed head. A shadowy cw emerged from the table.
I immediately threw a bread roll at her.
It bounced harmlessly off her tentacles.
But somehow, that was enough.
N’zra settled down.
The Demon King nodded. "She accepts your offering."
Melodia slowly reached for another roll.
I stopped her. "Don’t. That’s how cults start."
The Bathroom Escape PnBy the time our main courses arrived, I was desperate.
Kenji had somehow snuck in and was now eating spaghetti at the bar.
Melodia was locked in a silent mental battle with N’zra.
The Demon King was writing a Yelp review.
I took my chance.
"I'm going to the bathroom," I said.
Melodia immediately stood. "Me too!"
The Demon King waved. "Enjoy yourselves."
We walked away calmly.
The moment we turned the corner, we sprinted for the exit.
The Waiter Betrayal & The Ultimate BillWe almost made it.
But the waiter blocked our path, holding a check.
"Sir, you forgot to pay."
I turned pale. "Oh. Right. How much?"
He flipped it around.
?2,500,000.
I almost had a heart attack.
"WHAT KIND OF BILL IS THAT?!" Melodia shrieked.
The waiter adjusted his bow tie. "Sir, we charge extra for catastrophic reality distortions."
We both slowly turned toward our table.
Where the Demon King and N’zra were pying chess with pieces made of human souls.
I sighed. "Yeah. That’s fair."
The Great Escape (And the Lawsuit That Followed)We did not pay the bill.
We ran.
The Demon King graciously covered our escape by challenging the chef to a battle of honor.
N’zra devoured two busboys and vanished into the void.
Kenji stole a dessert cart on his way out.
Tanaka fired all of us the next day.
Then rehired us immediately because no one else was willing to work here.
And so, I returned to Burger Castle.
Still broke. Still exhausted.
Still stuck with these absolute disasters as coworkers.
The Demon King smiled. "Well, that was fun. Let’s do it again next week."
I threw a ketchup packet at him.
To Be Continued…
