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depression nostalgy after drinks and smokes

  depression nostalgy after drinks and smokes

  sun and heaven

  tring to think and construct

  blockade on every step

  forgetting and being unproductive is what happens here

  or was it always in me

  and i tried my best to ignore it

  great optimism mixed with creeping reality

  eternal bliss of the uncaring mind

  change happens or do we make it happen

  minds argue

  we are here and there

  nothing comes out of it.

  insight was won what will come out of it

  sadness of knowledge and pain of inactivity

  or revolution

  whatever that means still eluding understanding

  runing after goals made of beach sand

  or belief in the ride of reality

  clear and cristaline white smoke fills the hearth with bliss

  no harm to the head

  grey and heavy smoke fills the hearth with worries and anxiety

  only extinguished by percieving the world of stone before our eyes

  no thinking or analysis only looking

  animale animale animale

  good and good make it better

  bad and bad make it worse

  pain cages the animal

  hope is divinity overcoming this pain

  we will run and jump over beatiful beaches and forests once more

  ##########

  We are on cyprus since the 2nd of March, after the ardous Voyage by never ending planerides. Germany to Austria on the first of March.

  Difficulties with papers ground us in Vienna.Cyprus Flight Pass is its name, a little bureaucratic technicality that clouds our trip in

  unpredictability. Endless Phonecalls and conversations stress and uncertanity ended by one man alone.

  A kind Austrian Man from Austra Airlines rebooking our Flights, free of charge, relentlessly hammering away at his grey keyboard at

  the Terminal. A German accent never souded so sweet

  >> I hope you will get your Flight Pass until tomorrow

  Frankfurt then Athens is our new destination.

  New hope rises in our Hearths and our blood calls for something else

  Cold beers in the Terminal as we have a whole night to kill. First from the Airport shops. After they close we take trips to the nearest Gas

  Station. A functional alcoholic is determined, he does not fear any distance to get his medicine.

  The long walks to the Station give us opportunity to fill our Lungs with enough smoke to

  get down the next beer. Conversation flows smoothly, Music is played, entertainment is provided by a drunk austrian guy dressed as

  a scot. The first beer is dignified, we are business people on travels. The next few give us with life the fifth is pure pleasure

  the eigth is sleep medication. I worry about the aftereffects only for a few moments.

  We pass security with flying colors as we are the only ones at the Airport. We find a cozy place to sleep big black couches. The designers

  must have known someday their work will become rest for the tired lost and alcoholized that fell through the cracks of bureaucracy

  Tom Hanks in the Terminal thats who we are right now.

  The awakening is brutal. German shouting, loud mechanical noises of the airport machinerie coming to live. Glaring light on my bloodshut eyes.

  Its 6 am in Vienna Airport only moments till our Oddysey continues. A few quick Sips from the Water tap must suffice.

  Boarding smoothly, walking onto the big metal bird in a half asleep half drunk state is easy. Smiles to the Crew sit down dont make a big fuss

  We are proffesionals, Businessmen not some drunk 18 year old germans dreaming of their first score on vacation.

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  The year is 2021 there is no more luxury on those damn planes, no elixr of hope in the form of a cold german beer for me.

  My Comrades seem to be in good spirits and physically well while im a half dead state. The last drops of alcohol leave my system during takeoff.

  Its going to be a difficult flight. The smiling Stewardess serves us tea coffe juice. Some water might bring me back to life.

  Glued to the Window, below me the earth. Sunlight over the Clouds its eternal bliss calming the mind. This astonishing beauty clears my

  anxiety and pain a little. Down there. Landing on German Lands he people are disciplined police check us it goes well. We are free to heal our

  wounds. Glory to Frankfurt airport even in times of The Virus they leave the smoking bay open. A Beer, German Prezels and some smokes later

  i feel Human again. Nap Time. We meet polish workers flying to Spain for a one day job, It business. How coneccted this world has grew i think

  One more flight and we leave the germanic sphere. Visions of freedom before my eyes.

  The flight is longer but sleep takes me. Sweet forgiving lady sleep wraps her arms around me. The love of my life kissing my lips caressing

  this substance thorn brain. Some form of real happyness. Athens Airport is a rave zone, this is the south of Europe. Music is playing though

  the empty halls. We relax with some beers near the main Entrance. COnflict ensues some tall lanky rasta looking black man is

  surrounded by Greek police and airport personel.Something about a woman. He broke the most important rule, keep a low profile.

  Now they will tear him apart and find every speck of dirt on him. Dont get involved let it flow away.

  Finally after hours of this long day we approach the golden gates to victory guarded by the final gatekeeper, a short blackhaired

  stunningly beautifull cypriot woman from Olympic Airways. She asks us

  >>Flight Pass??

  Our intense preparations pay of, we get out our documents tests and papers and she gives us the most important anointing.

  She writes on our boarding passes

  >> ALL GOOD!

  We are going to see the sunny shores of cyprus. victory is ours.

  We get on the Flying machine for a third time this day and let her carry us there.

  The cypriot women are stylish and beautifull

  The men are silent and reserved.

  A quick flight later we approach the Island. So many lights, our holy land that we almost forsaken. There is only one more step for us

  The Machine has to register us and analyze us. Testing has to occur. The Pesiillience cannot enter this Land.

  We queue for our Virus Testing. 30 Euros. Not a bad price in comparison to Germany or Austria. We get it over quickly, retrieve our bags

  which is a miracle for me. 4 Planes 5 Airports countless Processes and People handling it and there she is. My beautifull black suitcase

  What a miracle modern logistics are. Could i ever be so organised?

  Now we only have to get to our Accomodation. The car is booked the guy handling it is there waiting for us. Could it go smoothly from now on?

  In some form we earned it we endured so much bureaucracy, phonecalls, arguing. So much time was spend in the international Sphere

  of nothingness that Airports are. We are going to our nice Villa, we′ll get mind numbingly drunk and fall asleep.

  15 Degrees of Celsius is the temperature where Car batteries freeze right?

  Atleast in Cyrus it seems or in the mind of our car rental guy. He stands there in a big warm coat clearly still freezing.

  Our car wont start. Fuck. This Trip is cursed i think.

  Wait stop. Dont think like that. Be positive. Even in the darkest times there is hope. We will get thou this.

  The guy is helpfull and nice. Its late at night but he tries his best. I feel fine. We smoke cigarette after cigarette on the parking lot

  The cameraderie and positivitiy of my samoan friend Dr. Cptn. W keeps my spirits up.

  Finally we get a new car. Uncleaned they say but for me it looks very tidy. We load up our bags and goods.

  Now we are on the road to the final destination while angelic choirs are playing in my head, we will see the light of day once more.

  We arrive at the House at last. Who would have thought it possible 24 hours ago, lying on a couch at vienna airport drunk and cold

  covered only by my trusty jacked, holding my bag and passport tight to myself.

  We get out the Vodka, the unraveling can begin. As per Polish custom we drink shots, the spirit lying its hand upon our minds and souls.

  End of March 2

  As Hemmingways said

  Write Drunk and something something sober.

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