“You feel it, don’t you?” Tellak’s voice was soft and certain, tinged with amusement. “You’re projecting some strong satisfaction.”

  “I think so,” Ana said. “It’s… nice.”

  “Good. I’m going to stop channeling. I want you to try to find that same feeling beneath you, in the earth, and draw it up. I can’t show you how to do it. You’ll have to figure that out on your own. The best I can tell you is to remember the push from before, and reverse it. Are you ready?”

  “Yeah.”

  Without a word, Tellak stopped channeling, and the comfort was gone. Ana missed it immediately. She switched her focus to the soles of her feet, but all she felt was the smooth wood beneath her. She wanted the feeling back, so she tried to somehow dig deeper, to pierce the earth beneath the floor with sheer will, but nothing happened.

  “It’s there. Don’t worry.” Tellak’s voice came, sure and steady. “Don’t try to force it. Just feel it.”

  Frustration threatened to rob Ana of her focus, but Tellak’s words made her aware of it. Instead of thinking, she forced herself to calm her breathing, clearing her mind and trying again, as Tellak said, to just feel. Stone and loam. Stillness and peace. Roots like a mountain.

  Somewhere, deep below yet somehow at the same time so close that it nearly touched her, Ana felt it. A slow pulse, a steady current, yet at the same time fixed, permanent, unchanging. Beneath her feet, under the wood, was earth and stone. Right there, always there, steady and reliable like nothing else in the world. It didn’t push, not like when Tellak had channeled mana at her. It was just there. If Ana wanted to touch it she would have to reach out and grab it herself.

  Easy to think, but hard to do. Tellak had suggested taking the feeling of mana pushing against her palm, and reversing it. Which wasn’t entirely useless, but not far from it. But whenever Ana’s frustration began to rise, when she started to lose hope in being able to do this, Tellak’s voice would be there, calm and steady, making her aware and guiding her back.

  And then she felt it. The mana responded to her. Like water from a faucet bending toward a magnet, the barest trickle from the torrent below her curved up, circulated through her, and returned to the earth.

  For the briefest moment Ana felt connected to the foundation of the world, or at least the splinter. She felt its vastness, the depth and permanence of its roots, and she felt the strength that was there for her to grasp if she could only learn how.

  It was too much. Ana’s mind went blank. She gasped, and her knees folded.

  “That will do for today, I think,” Tellak said as she helped Ana back to her feet. She had a small yet very pleased smile on her face. “You did very well.”

  “How… how long?” For all her stamina and Endurance, Ana felt wrung out. Her knees wobbled, and she poured herself onto a chair.

  “Two hours or so since we began. There were some customers while you stood there, but I didn’t let them bother you. Hope you don’t mind.”

  The idea of people walking by and her not noticing bothered her a little, but Ana had never been one to embarrass easily. “Nah, that’s fine,” she said, breathing heavily. She felt like she’d run a marathon with a hundred pounds on her back. “Thank you. That was… what do you think?”

  “I think that congratulations are in order. In a little under three hours you got a feel for Earth-aligned mana, then tapped into the natural source beneath your feet. It’s not the fastest I’ve ever seen, but you have an aptitude, that much I can tell you for sure.”

  Ana couldn't help but smile. She even felt some semblance of pride, despite her belief that pride was for things you did, and this was just something she had. Based on who she’d made herself, apparently, but still. But she couldn't help it. Somebody, an expert, had just told her that she had an aptitude for magic!

  “So, now what?” she asked.

  “Now you practice drawing until you’re intimately familiar with Earth-aligned mana. I recommend going up to the forest’s edge, where the mana density is higher. That'll make things easier. Once you can form that connection and circulate mana without effort, you should be able to draw enough mana to actually learn to shape it. Tell me once you do. We’ll continue with teaching you shaping and to channel ambient mana into Earth mana, and getting you the Skills.” Tellak regarded Ana silently for a moment, considering, then said, “You can try to channel on your own, but I don’t recommend trying to shape without guidance.”

  “What was the pause about?”

  “Not to be precious about it: you seem like you need the warning.”

  Ana wasn’t sure if she felt insulted.

  “Most novices try,” Tellak clarified, “but are so weak or inept that they give up before anything comes of it. You… I’m concerned that you might succeed in shaping something out of sheer determination and stubbornness. And if you shape the wrong thing, it will draw so much mana that you cannot feed it enough from the earth. But it will continue, drawing on the mana inside you until it’s all gone, and you’re left a burned out husk. So, I’ll tell you clearly: do not try it! Content yourself with drawing mana, then let it leave you naturally. If you believe that your grasp of the mana is firm enough to manipulate it, come to me first.”

  “All right. Sure, I’ll do that. Thanks. For the offer and for—” Ana gestured vaguely. “This.”

  “It’s the least I can do, for your part in saving Jay and for dragging me down here. Now, go. Rest. I know how exhausting the first few times can be. It’s like a mental muscle that you’ve never used before, and it needs to recover just like your body does.”

  “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

  Once she’d said goodbye to Touanne and thanked Tellak again, Ana had one last thing she needed to do. She should talk to Messy. But she could see the sun approaching the horizon. The store was probably closed. And she’d promised Ray to meet her for dinner, so… nothing for it, really.

  There were a few more people at Petra’s when Ana got there. A cheap and filling meal had a way of drawing customers, even if it was always stew and bread. Ana felt like there were some new faces there, possibly people who’d decided to come when they knew that the crowd would be thinner.

  She spotted Ray sitting at the small table by the window where she’d had breakfast with Omda a few times, waving and joining her once she had her stew and ale. There was an empty bowl in front of Ray already, and she was halfway through a mug of tea.

  “Hey, what gives?” Ana asked, motioning to the empty bowl. “I thought that we were eating together.”

  “Yeah, change of plans,” Ray said, throwing a glance over Ana’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, though. You’ll have company.” She took her empty bowl and half full mug and stood with a grin. “I’ll be back once you’ve had a chance to talk.”

  “What’re you—” Ana followed Ray with her eyes as the Huntress went to drop off her dishes, but froze as a familiar voice spoke.

  “Hello, Ana,” Messy said. “Mind if I join you?”

  Ana turned in her chair. Messy stood there in a green dress, with a deep neckline, short layered sleeves that exposed her shoulders, and an asymmetrical hem that went from above her left knee to her right calf.

  It was the kind of dress you’d have to shimmy into, and on the right woman, it was less a dress than it was a weapon. It was completely out of place in the inn’s common room, and left no doubt about what this was.

  Ana had been lured into an ambush.

  “Hi, Messy. Go ahead,” she said, returning Messy’s smile nervously — why the hell was she nervous? — and the elfin woman sat. Her hair was shiny and newly braided, and her thick, black eyeliner was clean and sharp, the wings spreading and turning into tiny leaves and flowers toward her temples.

  “Welcome back,” Messy said, not touching her food. “And congratulations! You leveled out there!”

  “Oh, yeah. Thanks. I wasn’t planning to, but we had a demon attack us while we were already busy and I figured we’d need the edge.”

  “I’m glad you’re all right. But, your poor hair!”

  Ana ran her hand up the nape of her neck self-consciously. “Yeah, I got kind of messed up in that fight. Gonna have to even it out now.”

  Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

  “Oh, I know a barber who does hair very well. He’ll take care of it for you. I can take you to him tomorrow, if you want?”

  “Sure, yeah. That’d be great.”

  They finally began to eat, the silence at their table broken only by the occasional slurp or smack, before it became unbearable. Ana put down her spoon. “Listen, Mess, we need to talk.”

  “I got that feeling, yes,” Messy said without much enthusiasm, putting down her own spoon.

  Ana had been about to start with “I like you, but…” but seeing how Messy’s face had fallen she decided that might be the worst possible opening. Instead she said, “We need to talk about expectations, all right? But I’d rather not do it here. Can we finish eating and then head up to my room?”

  That got her a roguish smile. “Why, Miss Cole! That’s a little forward of you, don’t you think?”

  Right. Shit. That could very easily be misinterpreted. “On second thought, how about I walk you home?”

  The smile turned wry. A little sad, even. “Yeah, sure. In the spirit of honesty, I’ve been expecting this. Rayni came and told me that you needed to talk to me, but that you’ve been finding any excuse not to. Let’s eat up and head out, shall we?”

  “Yeah.”

  They finished up in silence, dropped off their dishes, and left. On their way out Ray shot Ana a wave and a whispered “Good luck!”

  “Nice evening, isn’t it?” Messy said as soon as they were outside the door. There was a nervous tinge to her voice, a tone like she hoped that if she just kept talking, nothing bad would happen. “Not that it was a bad day. It’s always summer in this splinter, after all. But the air right now is lovely, don’t you think?”

  Ana took a deep breath. There was a slight, refreshing chill to the air, though she missed the smell of the forest. “Yeah. So, Messy—”

  “You wouldn’t believe what happened at the shop today! I swear, some people think that just because most of the Delvers are gone, we’re desperate for customers! Mister… ah, I shouldn’t say who, but—”

  “Messy!” Ana said forcefully, and when the elfin woman turned to look at her, the words died in her throat. Messy’s big amber eyes met Ana’s own, and Messy just… stopped. Stopped talking, stopped walking, stopped breathing, as far as Ana could tell. It was like her eyes dimmed, and Ana felt sick seeing it.

  “Messy, I’ve been putting this off, because I don’t know how to have this talk, and I have no idea how you’ll react. But we need to do this.”

  Messy sighed. “I don’t want to. I’ve had this talk too many times.”

  Ana started them walking again, heading toward the central square and the Waystone. “Doubt it.”

  “This is where you tell me that you like me, but it would be better if we were just friends, right? Or sorry, but you’re not interested in women like that and just didn’t know how to tell me?”

  “Are you gonna let me talk or do you want to handle my side of the conversation, too?”

  “Fine. Just tell me. It was too good to be true anyway.”

  “Let me just get one of the clichés out of the way, all right? And don’t interrupt me. Messy, it’s not you. It’s me. I don’t know where this is going. I don’t know what you’re hoping to get out of this relationship, and I don’t know if I can give you what you want. And the problem isn’t that I’m not interested in women, all right? I don’t care what you are, male, female, or anything else. I’m equally indifferent.”

  “Huh?” Messy slowed down a bit, looking at Ana with an almost complete lack of understanding. “Indifferent how?”

  “Messy, I— I don’t feel physical attraction. Like, I look at you, and I see that you are beautiful. You’re gorgeous, Messy. But it’s like… A beautiful person or a beautiful painting, right? I don’t feel a desire to sleep with either of them. You see? And I don’t get attached, either. I like you. I like being around you, a lot. When you sang to me while I lay with my head in your lap, that was the most relaxed I’ve been in years. But if you’re looking for a lover, I can’t be that, because I don’t love.”

  “Oh.” Messy stopped and just looked at Ana for a while before going on. “Oh! Uh, wow. Okay. Let me… think about that for a moment. Sorry. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that one before. Like… you’ve never loved anyone? At all?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But do you mean that, like, you’ve never been in love or…?”

  “No. I mean I have never felt love for anyone or anything. Not like other people have described it, anyway.”

  “Not even your own mother and father?” Messy seemed to have trouble understanding the concept. “I don’t care much for mine anymore but when I was a little kid I know I loved them.”

  My parents, Ana thought bitterly. Yeah. “Mess… I have no idea who my father was. My mother gave me away when I was so small that I don’t even remember her. I only know her from pictures and descriptions, and from what I’ve been told about the woman I doubt that I would have survived my childhood if she’d kept me. No, I never felt anything I’d describe as love toward either of those two strangers. Nor toward either of the two sets of foster parents who were supposed to raise me.”

  “Oh.” Messy became silent for another while. They were crossing the square at that point, and Messy steered them north. “And you say you don’t get attached. So… do you not care about me at all? Or Rayni or Kaira? I’m not trying to accuse you of anything,” she added quickly. “I just want to understand. Because that doesn’t match what I’ve seen.”

  “No, I care. I like people. I really do. I’m fine on my own but I get lonely with no one around for long enough. But people are… I don’t want to say ‘interchangeable’. They’re not. They’re all fun or interesting or useful in their own ways, and when I lose one, when someone dies or moves away or decides that I’m too much of a freak to be around, I regret the loss. I feel bad about the time invested and the things we’ll never do together. But then I move on, and I replace them. I…”

  Ana sighed. “This is what I was worried about telling you. I don’t really differentiate between people and things, all right?”

  “Uh, care to explain that?”

  “Yeah, like…” What would Mess care about a lot, Ana thought. Jewelry, obviously, but the metaphor might get clumsy. She looked at how the woman was dressed, pretty and impractical and so radically different from how she’d first seen her going out on the Delve.

  “All right. Imagine you have a favorite dress. Maybe it’s the one you’re wearing; it’s very pretty on you. You love the fabric, the cut, the pattern, everything. It’s the best dress you ever had. And then, one day, it’s ruined. Doesn’t matter how. It can’t be fixed. You’d be upset, right? You might even cry.”

  “Hells yeah, I’d cry if my favorite dress got ruined!”

  “Yeah. And then you’d get over it, and move on. You might remember it sometimes. You’d remember how much you liked it, and the fun times you had wearing it, and maybe at some event you’d think how it would have been perfect! But pretty soon you’d have a new favorite dress.”

  “And I’m the dress here?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh.”

  The silence grew long again. They were walking through a part of the outpost that Ana had never seen before. There didn’t seem to be many shops here; most of the buildings looked like they housed multiple apartments, possibly for apprentices and assistants and Delvers who wanted a permanent place to live without spending too much.

  “So,” Messy said after perhaps a minute, “how do you feel about trying a new dress on for a while, with no expectations? Perhaps taking it to bed every now and then, just for the company? Sorry, this got clumsy real quick. What I’m saying is, I’m not looking for the love of my life. I’d be okay with just spending time together, talking and sharing some meals, and then maybe having someone to hold me at night without asking anything more. If that’s something you’re interested in?”

  “I could do that, yeah. As long as you understand and accept that I can’t love you.”

  “I haven’t expected love since my family disowned me. If you can offer me friendship and comfort, I’ll be pretty happy with that.”

  “All right. And, to be clear, it’s not like the idea of sex disgusts me, or anything—”

  “Don’t tease. One step at a time.”

  “Yeah. Sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  Something caught up with Ana in the silence that followed, something that should have shocked her when she heard it, but she’d been too focused on herself, wrapped up in the idea that she might be able to just have something nice with another person for once.

  “Did you say that your family disowned you?”

  “Yeah.” They’d stopped outside a door, and Messy turned her head away to look up at the sky, where the stars were beginning to come out.

  “Can I ask — You don’t have to answer, you know, but what happened?”

  Messy snorted. “Can’t you guess?”

  “Maybe. But I don’t know anything about where you’re from, so…”

  “Oh, it’s about what you expect, I think. The Primes aren’t like the splinters. I love this place, because no one cares who you are or what you do as long as you’re a decent person who contributes to the outpost. Back home—” Messy laughed bitterly. “Where I’m from, I should say, not everyone accepts a girl falling in love with another girl. Even less so when one is elfin and the other is human. Even then they might have looked the other way, if I hadn’t refused to marry the man they’d picked out for me. But I did, and they disowned me. So we left.”

  “What happened?”

  “A lot of painful shit that I’d rather not remember, much less talk about. Lara, the girl I loved, isn’t with me anymore, and I ended up here.”

  “Right. Sorry for prying.” They walked in silence for a few beats, then Ana opened up. “I ran away, too. From my foster family, but for similar reasons.”

  “Oh?” Messy looked at her with sympathy and curiosity. “I thought you weren’t interested?”

  “Yeah. It took me a while to figure that out. I just thought that since I wasn't interested in boys when they were all half the girls in my class were talking about, maybe I was gay. And I had this friend who put up with all my weirdness…”

  She hadn’t seen or heard from Vanessa since that last day. When she’d tried to find her, years later, her family had moved. No forwarding address, no number. All her socials were dead.

  She wished she knew what had happened. She wanted so badly to talk to Vanessa again.

  Her throat felt thick, so she cleared it and went on. “I liked her. She liked me. I think she probably like liked me, you know? When I asked her if I could try kissing her, she was so happy to agree. I wanted to see if it would make me feel anything like what the other girls described.”

  “What happened?”

  “It was nice. It felt better than with a boy, ‘cause she wasn’t so aggressive. But it didn’t blow my mind or anything. She liked it, though, so much that I was happy to keep doing it for her sake. It felt good and made her happy, right? So why not? Where was the harm? Then we got careless, and a teacher saw us, and told my foster father. That night he beat me so badly I couldn’t leave my bed for a week, and I couldn’t leave the house for another. It still hurt to breathe when I ran away.”

  Ana found her voice shaking halfway through, but she forced herself to continue until the part where she left. The only people she’d really talked to about this were Mr. Stamper and her therapist. It needed to come out. After she fell silent she felt the back of Messy’s hand brush hers in a silent offer, and she took it.

  Only a few houses later Messy stopped.

  “Well, this is my door. Do you want to come up, maybe? No expectations. All I’m asking for is company, and I think we could both use some comfort.”

  Ana looked at the door. Her eyes burned, and she wiped the back of her free hand across them. It came away wet.

  “I’d like that.”

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