“That’s cheating!” a shout rang out from a copse of trees in Zone 3, where Zoli was currently relaxing… ehmmm… diligently surveying a meadow. The shout was followed by what Zoli presumed was medieval weapons clashing and grunting.

  “No, it is not cheating! We agreed, that this time I was the mage! I cast fireball!”

  “While you chose mage, with that kind of headgear, you are a witch at best. Witches can’t cast fireball!”

  “Says who?!?”

  “Grunt. Grunt? Grunt-oink?”

  “Sorry, Boss Hog. We will continue in a minute. We just need to figure this out. So, to answer your question, the rules clearly state it. I actually have the manual with me. See? Impact of Different Headgear On Possible Spells! See? This is a witch hat, just like you are wearing. The manual says, you as a witch can’t use fire spells, only curses, lightning and water.”

  “Let me see that. Oh, you are wrong! Let me quote: ‘While the different schools of magic, represented by their hats and clothing, mostly specialize in certain fields, it is not uncommon, that individuals deviate from that mold and try something different.’ So, even if I would be a witch, which I’m not, I could branch out into fire magic.”

  “If you want to be a mage, why dress up as a witch, then?!?!”

  “I AM a mage! Besides, Procurement didn’t have mage gear in my size. But see, here, my Character Parchment! [Magic: Fire] is tagged and of a sufficiently high Level.”

  “Dude, you tagged [Magic: Summoning] and [Magic: Necromancy] too. You ain’t a mage, but a warlock or a necromancer.”

  “AND IF I’M ONE OF THOSE?!?!? I CAN STILL CAST FIREBALL!”

  “Oink. Grunt-grunt-oink!”

  “Yeah, Boss Hog, he’s an idiot. What did you expect? He works in HR…”

  “Hey, let Mindless Drone No. 2 alone! He's actually right; with the System in place, you can build yourself up as you wish. No need to conform to set stereotypes. A mage can even wear full-plate armor! That he doesn't have a fashion sense doesn't invalidate how the world works."

  “WHAT?!?! I COULD WEAR PLATE ARMOR?!?!”

  “Nicely done, dude. Now we can enjoy his complaining, how heavy the armor is, and how he can’t see shit through the helmet.”

  “It is said, plate armor weighs far less, than people think."

  “You sure?”

  “At least Digger Two from engineering told me so. He said, he even did backflips and stuff in full gear.”

  “Naw, all the gear is fake. You won’t be doing that in the real stuff.”

  “Dunno. My sword feels real enough…”

  Zoli was intrigued by the exchange. What were these morons doing outside the office during working hours? They most likely were one of the LARP teams, but how could they test processes while arguing nonsensical things? Especially the fashion of hats.

  “Credibly clarify how the conceptualized cooperative best practice session is beneficial to the growth strategy of the company!” he interrupted the discussion. The six Goblins, dressed in pseudo-medieval clothing and armor and wielding a selection of weaponry froze in their discussion. Zone 3’s Zone Leader immediately retreated to the bushes.

  “Ehmmm… hello, boss, sir!" the most intelligent-looking Goblin, wearing the medieval version of a hoodie and holding two daggers replied "Ehmm, boss, sir, we are the Flames of Excellence, ehmmm… LARP Team No 5, sir. We were just discussing the contents of one of the Rulebooks."

  This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

  “Rulebooks?!? Shouldn’t you use the approved Process Map?”

  “Ehmmm… boss, sir, the problem…”

  “The right word is challenge. A successful company doesn’t have problems or issues, only challenges to overcome!”

  “Ok, boss, right. As I was saying, the Process Map is incomplete, and we are currently figuring out, what will happen if an adventurer party happens on the dungeon. The department heads approved of this project. They said, something and something to something something."

  “Dude, I think they said ‘An amazing initiative to assertively enhance cooperative best practices while formulating efficient methodologies in integrating error-free models.’”

  “Oh, I see" Zoli was finally able to understand, what the Goblins were doing "So, while synergistically harnessing elastic mindshare, you will leverage existing cross-functional opportunities. Maintaining and formulating customized interfaces, you upgrade the Process Map to excellence!"

  “Ehmmm… sure, boss, if you say so…”

  “But what has hat fashion to do with gaining excellence?”

  “You see, boss, according to the Rulebooks, clothing symbolizes the different schools of magic, and what a magic user can cast, how they can cast it, and how they get their Mana back.” The Goblin even pulled a booklet out of his pack. It had pictures of males and females in fancy dresses, showing way too much skin.

  “Do you think, this is legal and official?” Zoli leafed through the booklet. The models looked in parts clearly underage. Zoli, for some reason, was reminded of these Japanese cartoons, he caught one of the underlings watching during work hours. That was a nice and easy termination!

  “Ehmmm… yes, boss. It was included in the starting library.”

  “We have a starting library? Like the knowledge base for company history, ethical codices, and a summary of the Process Maps and Dashboards?”

  “More like an official description, of how the real world works, but yeah. It was buried in the DOS under a help menu. We think it was placed there for incompetent Dungeon Masters to reference, what they were or should doing."

  Zoli saw the added value in such a collection of information. If he wasn’t mistaken, the Stockholder bored him with the same library, when he was hired as a CEO. Of course, other, less intelligent CEOs would need such a summary to hold their hands. Zoli wisely outsourced the challenge to his Executive Team. A CEO should look at the bigger picture, not manage every last detail!

  “Excellent! How is the evaluation going? Have you identified emerging paradigms in proactively productivate principle-centered process improvements?”

  “Ehmmm… Yes? We first tried to roll play a dungeon run, some of the teams are still doing that, by the way, but we thought, this way the game… khmmmm… process evaluation is much more challenging. As for the findings, an Elite-classified person can safely defeat an Elite animal six or seven Levels above his. Of course, depending on the animal. The same is true for a Boss animal three to four Levels above.”

  “Interesting. Go on.”

  “A balanced team of six can defeat an Elite of thirty-three to forty-two Levels above the team's aggregate Levels, and a Boss of eighteen to twenty-four Levels higher. Well, we don't have such a high-level MOB yet, but theoretically, it is possible."

  “Fascinating. Go on.”

  “Eeeehhmmmm… That’s it. We play… examine the Process Map and the MOB can… adjust. Learn. Improve the applied processes!”

  “Yeah, and it’s fun!”

  “Pssst!”

  “To summarize, you are professionally orchestrating focused partnerships for optimizing enterprise-wide methodologies in innovating granular networks. Excellent. Keep up the good work! Don’t forget, there is no E in Team!”

  In Zoli's opinion, the whole discussion was a waste of time. If the Executive Team screened the initiative, it was most likely an excellent expenditure of company assets, aimed at continued growth and gaining excellence.

  If some basic underlings were too stupid to understand the rules and were wasting company time, arguing about fashion choices, it was their loss.

  Of course, implementing a new process to benefit the company deserved some recognition. Zoli immediately called his secretary.

  “Janine! Direct HR to come up with an Award for excellence. It should have a nice graphic, and a thank you, but shouldn't cost much. The best would be a standard-sized piece of paper, that the workforce can fix to their cubicles."

  “Sure. They will be thrilled. No one would just throw such a valuable award into their drawer or into the waste basket…"

  “Of course, they wouldn’t. The company just gave them motivation and recognition!”

  Thinking, that the average employee wouldn't be thrilled to be handed a piece of paper was just unthinkable. Only the un-dedicated and un-excellent bottom draggers would throw the award away, and those were terminated in short order anyway.

  What was Zoli doing before underlings interrupted him with their unprofessional whining and complaining?

  Oh, yes!