“If it isn’t the champ himself,” Nilla says.

  “You watched it?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Kinda hard not to when you pleaded so pathetically.”

  Mara playfully asks, “Would you like to test your winning entry against me?” The Knight in question shivers half a planet away.

  “It said no.”

  “Aww, how disappointing.”

  Tiff starts to stretch. “Sure you want both of us?”

  Harrn answers for me, “Lucius is more than capable of managing himself, but practicing improved safety when information is sparse can never be unnecessary. In addition, there’s also never enough practical experience you can have, Tiff.” Harrn nods his head to himself and turns to me. “Ready, friend?”

  “One more thing.” I snap my fingers. Two suits of armor warp in, adequately sized for my temporary party.

  Tiff rushes over to his and examines it with glee. Harrn just hums softly, studying what functions the already linked armor has.

  Nilla overpowers the surprise and asks, trying to sound offended, “Where’s mine?”

  “You are a noncombatant now.”

  “I know you made me one, old man. Give it.” Another snap fulfills the command. As the armor covers her form, Nilla’s giggling abruptly ceases. A helmeted head slowly turns to me. “Better hope my clothes come back when I take this off.” A very pissed—and clothed—dwarf is glaring my way.

  I shrug. “Should have waited for the instructions.”

  Mara traces a finger across the surface of Harrn’s suit. “Am I the only one excluded again?”

  “Of course not. But it’s best to do the fitting after we get your new body done.”

  A breathless hum leaves Mara’s pale lips. “Be careful on your delve, boys.” Nilla’s feigned annoyance evaporates as she echoes the warning.

  Harrn, Tiff, and I warp in front of a burning circle of orange, white hexagons barely discernible within.

  “Me first,” I say. Both dwarves nod, armored suits clamping around their forms nearly at the same time.

  As soon as the tip of my foot touches the boundary, I am somewhere else. Nearly a millisecond later, I make a decision.

  From nothing, two figures appear next to me.

  “Harrn,” Elisa greets the dwarf.

  “Archmage. It would be an honor to fight by your side today.”

  “Likewise.”

  Having placated the huffy Tiff, I address the two, “Support me and conserve your energy for now.” Both nod an affirmative.

  “What are we working with?” the elf asks.

  “Uncertainty.”

  Harrn points at an object fast approaching. “We’ve garnered something’s attention.”

  We are standing in the brightest and cleanest alley that has ever existed. You can probably eat directly from the speckless ground. A little further away is a street with vehicles zooming by, almost as much glass and sharp angles as all the buildings around us. If I line my sight correctly, I’m pretty sure I can see through at least a hundred before the curvature of the planet eats up the hundred and first. A select few of the structures are piercing the picturesque clouds, towering up and away. Going back to the vehicles, the wheeled contraptions are being driven by chrome robots, matching the chromed aesthetic of every other piece of metal. The same robots are walking all around the globe-spanning city, completing menial tasks, upkeeping the decorative grass, brush, trees, flowers, everything really. Not a single thing—be it mobile or otherwise—has an actual, apparent purpose. Though the parts hidden to me might differ.

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  As my findings are scrolling across both Elisa and Harrn’s neural interfaces, the object reaches us. A chrome orb with a large lens, glowing green around the edge, is hovering in the air by means of gravitic manipulation, the ripples of its inexistent drive brutish compared to my work.

  Even though my lips don’t part, my two party members hear me say, “No sudden movements. Let’s see what happens.”

  A green beam of light projects out of the lens, extends into a line, and then unfurls into a grid, covering all three of us.

  The glow around the lens and the projected grid changes to red.

  From the orb, an emotionless, genderless, and eerily even voice comes out, “Hostility detected. Cease hostile actions or be destroyed.”

  My command is followed. Elisa and Harrn take off their armor. The red grid disappears instantly, and so does the glow around the lens change back. The sphere zooms away.

  Elisa hums. “I see why you were remiss to involve Tiff.”

  Harrn asks, “Why is that?”

  “There was no mana,” the elf answers. “Nor anything else. Just pretty lights.”

  “Ah,” Harrn sighs out. “One of those.”

  I grin. “My favorite—heavy reality benders. But where there’s cheating, there’s also—counterintuitively—lots of rules. Hence the disarmament being satisfactory in its eyes.”

  “I’m guessing we would have had to contend with an angry planet if our presence was the hostile action,” Harrn says. I affirm.

  Elisa releases a couple of mana pulses. “Magic seems okay. As long as it’s not... ‘hostile’.” I affirm again. “Well, what’s next, party leader?”

  “Let’s ask for directions.”

  We exit the only-in-name alley and into the even cleaner sidewalk.

  My target decided, I block its path. “Hey there.”

  The two lenses of the chromed biped make a ‘blink’. A voice comes out of its decorative mouth, similar to the one from the orb but still distinctly different, “State query.”

  Straight to the point, huh. A machine after my own heart. I barely manage to suppress a giggle as I reply, “Take us to your leader.”

  “State purpose.”

  A box, wrapped with sparkly, glossy paper and with a large bow on top, appears in my hands. I direct a pointed look at the item. “Housewarming gift.”

  Strings of sharp, mechanical squeals and popping crackles sound out from the robot in reply. It then turns ninety degrees to the right, takes a step, turns ninety degrees to the left, and continues walking. I shrug and store back my prop.

  Harrn’s eyes focus back on me. “Did you translate the ‘directions’ personally? It was incredibly fast.”

  “No. Your equipment did. The data wasn’t encrypted. And even if it was, I didn’t skimp out. Don’t worry.”

  “What’s the present?” Elisa asks. Then she quickly adds, “No. Let me guess. Swarm seed?”

  “You know me so well.”

  “Should we expect a trap?” Harrn asks. “I would.”

  “Only one way to find out,” I say.

  A warp brings us in front of a building that was previously hidden from sensors and senses alike. Also, uncharacteristically opaque. There are no windows and only a single door. Worst of all, instead of the chromed surface that everything else is sporting, this cubic piece of real estate is a neutral beige render. If the idea was to make it as nondescript as possible, I would classify this as a failure.

  Elisa gestures at a keypad sticking out of the wall and next to the entrance. “Those are real numbers.”

  Harrn tenses up, his muscles rippling under his skin. “It really was good thinking not dragging Tiff in here.” He approaches the pad, willing himself to relax at the same time. “Saw one of these in a movie. The correct sequence should unlock the door, right?” I affirm. “Mind if I try?”

  I turn to Elisa. “Not unless you have another insightful guess.” The elf does not. I turn back to Harrn. “Go for it.”

  The dwarf inputs a nine-digit code. Near the top of the keypad, a green light blinks on for a moment, and the locking mechanism makes a click. He tries the handle to great success.

  Elisa and I look at each other, both on the precipice of starting a giggling fit.

  Harrn’s lips twist into a crooked smile. “I like heist films, okay? My first try would have been 1-2-3-4, but this is high grade, so...” He shrugs. “Birthday it is.”

  We peer into the open entrance but find nothing but darkness within. I take point, the other two following closely behind. Once we pass the threshold, impenetrable darkness lifts, to be replaced by harsh fluorescent white. The door slowly swings back into place, taking the outside world with it. As well as our teleportation capabilities.

  A camera—with no blinking red light. How sloppy—is tucked in the upper right corner of the long yet narrow room we find ourselves in.

  “Looks like it’s your time to shine, Skeleton Ivan.”

  “Privacy laws were codified while you were indisposed, friend, but that is no excuse to break them.”

  “I’ve no idea what you might mean, though Nilla says the first movie is your favorite? I would have thought the fifth would have been more to your liking.”

  “Simple is best. Even if the addition of an AI to the crew did have its charms, it brought too many unpleasant emotions for me to enjoy it wholeheartedly.”

  “Should give it a second chance.”

  Harrn hums approvingly. “I just might.”

  The dwarf limbers his body up, stretching this way and that. With his warmup quickly done, a series of blurring motions, that take no more than a second, place Harrn on the other side of the invisible laser security system, made visible in his neural interface.

  Elisa and I both clap politely.

  Harrn looks back at us with an expectant gaze, betraying mild anticipation underneath.

  With only a thought needed, mana answers my lovely archmage’s command. Mirrors of ice and illusions form at precise locations and at exactly the right angles.

  The path now cleared of the irksome obstruction, we join the dwarf, pink creeping up to his cheeks.

  “Shall we proceed?” Elisa asks, directing a delightfully devious smile at the natural gymnast.