Wednesday, July 20, 4 S.E.

  Leonidas turned promptly on his heel as awareness caught up to his reality, and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “{This is ridiculous…}” he said while trying to ignore the embarrassed heat spreading across his cheeks all the way to his neck and ears. “{You are utterly mad, Ceruviel! You damn well know I—}”

  “{Oh please, boy, spare me your repressed drivel. There are communal baths all over the Thronehold! Your own Roman Empire and many other nations throughout Terran history would—}”

  “{This is not Rome, Ceruviel!}” Leonidas cut in, and glared over his shoulder through the veil of steam and scent of lilacs, only to see Aylar, again, and turn away with another blush and a surge of awkward discomfort. “{You may not understand my opposition to intimacy, Ceruviel, but you could still respect it. Why is Princess Aylar here, and why did you not at least warn me? You said you would let me approach this as I saw fit!}”

  “{I wanted a break from the palace and decided to visit the Matthersons,}” Aylar answered instead of Ceruviel, and in a tone that spoke to a mix of annoyance, embarrassment, and something Leonidas suspected was mild frustration. “{Ceruviel offered me a chance to relax, Leonidas, and I accepted gladly. We are due to go into a Delve that very well might claim our lives.}”

  Aylar shifted in the water, and her voice took on a firmer, more formal tone, as if she were retreating from a rejection he had implied, which he mentally kicked himself for. That hadn’t been his intention—he’d simply reacted to the situation.

  “{The Rite of Ascension is not a casually undertaken endeavor. I wished to indulge in some luxury alongside a haelfar my mother regarded as a sister, and I see as an Aunt. I will accept that this situation is not fair to you, regarding your reservations—and that perhaps Ceruviel was hasty in her deception, and I should have interceded—but my being here is not about you, Earl Latherian. Frankly, I wasn’t even expecting you to call on us.}”

  Leonidas winced at the use of his formal title and grimaced at realizing how distancing it was when used by Aylar. He had earned that subtle reprimand by calling her Princess, he supposed. She also had a point: he usually didn’t bother Ceruviel during her bath time.

  “{I did not mean to make your presence sound like it was unwelcome, Aylar. I only mean that it feels improper for me to be so intimate with you, especially when we are not even courting, and—}”

  “{I don’t care about you seeing me naked, Leonidas. I let Ceruviel hide my presence, by omission, I suppose, when you called out because I… well, quite frankly, I wanted to surprise you. I had thought it might be fun to tease you a little. We’ve spent so much time together lately, and I am hardly exposed, after all. I am proud of the beauty my mother passed down to me—}” the confidence in her words made him glance at her on impulse, then wrench his gaze away with an unspoken curse for his lack of self-control “{—and I see no shame in wielding it, not when it comes to the man I am considering marrying.}”

  Leonidas went still at her words and frowned at the open doors.

  Finally, after a few seconds, he found his way to speech again.

  “{Aylar, I am not sure you understand what you are getting yourself—}”

  “{Oh? Am I ignorant to your eyes, Archon? Do you believe we are poorly matched because of what we are?}” the Swordmaiden cut in levelly. “{Because you are Terran, and I am not? Because we do not know one another? Because I do not know what so corrosively haunts your soul? The pain you shoulder is not a problem to me, Leonidas. It is something to understand, not something to fear. We are more than capable of ameliorating our lack of intimacy with time and candid discourse.}”

  The Princess shifted again, and he could almost imagine her imperious expression and firmly crossed arms. She was markedly good at those expressions.

  “{I do not think this is about me, Leonidas, nor even about you. I think this is about the fact that I remind you of someone you once loved, and you cannot see past a ghost.}”

  Leonidas stiffened at that and glanced back at Ceruviel angrily, whose presence was clear, despite the steam—but Aylar pre-empted his reaction.

  “{She did not say anything, my lord, other than to confirm my suspicion when it was raised. Did you think I would miss the way you looked at me, Leonidas? Am I truly so naive in your eyes? The looks of yearning, the hope, the desire—only for it to always cool and fade—replaced by grief? You may be the Heaven-Defying Knight, Leonidas Achilles, but you are still a man, and your eyes betray you as readily as anyone else. Of that you may be assured.}”

  “{It is not that simple, Aylar,}” he said roughly, thinking of Elatra, of Lyara, and all that it entailed with a grimace. “{There are things about me that make this complicated in the worst ways. It is entirely unfair to expect you, or any woman, to—}”

  “{I am not an idiot, Leonidas!}” Aylar said abruptly, and seemingly slapped the water in frustration. “{I know you have demons, and I never intended to push you. That wasn’t—that isn’t my desire. I am not so cruel as that.}”

  Despite the situation, he couldn’t help but smile a little at her clarification. The slip in her normal mask was, in the purest way, quite endearing. It also, strangely enough, put some more distance between her and Lyara in his head—only a small amount, but enough to let him breathe a little easier.

  “{Damn it,”} Aylar muttered. “{Do you think I wanted to—to feel this way about you? Do you think I wanted to find myself drawn to you, after that first disastrous meeting? I knew then that something was wrong, but I did not heed that feeling.}”

  Aylar’s words became fraught with a mix of frustration and self-recrimination as she continued, allowing her Royal mask to slip the more she spoke. It sounded to Leonidas as if venting her feelings was a catharsis that she had denied herself for a long time—too long, by the sounds of it.

  “{Ceruviel told me I needed to bring you to my side of the succession, and I knew what she wanted, and I guessed at what she was plotting—but even knowing it, I allowed it to happen. Did you think that was anything but a choice? I saw it coming, and foolish or not, I let it!}”

  Leonidas grimaced at her words, knowing the feeling all too well, and took a breath in the silence that followed before speaking.

  “{It is not as if the affection is one-sided, Aylar,}” he admitted finally, his cheeks heating a little. “{I can admit to being attracted to you, as well, even despite my own—my own hang-ups.}”

  The Princess drew an audible breath at his words, and then sighed quietly.

  “{I had no desire to ambush you, Leonidas,}” Aylar responded apologetically after a moment. “{I truly didn’t know you’d visit Ceruviel at this hour. She said you’d gone on an errand, but when you knocked—Divines, I feel like a foolish girl, but the idea of being able to play a prank on you seemed too good to pass up. I admit, I am not used to this—I’m never this impulsive, usually.}”

  Leonidas accepted her words for what they were and glanced over his shoulder without letting his eyes land on her, focusing on the bubbles and the ornate gilding of the bath instead.

  “{Aylar, I carry… burdens,}” he said at last, his voice lower, and filled with his own concern. He needed her to understand, damn it. “{Ceruviel helps me shoulder them as she can, but I am not whole. I am not... It—My mind—I have scars there, scars that run deep. With the complications surrounding my past, especially with haelfenn—}”

  Leonidas sighed and rubbed his face again in frustration.

  “{I am worried it would end in disaster,}” he admitted with a shiver of discomfort at exposing himself. “{You do not deserve to be subjected to my problems on top of the pressure of the Throne.}”

  “{Your problems will not ameliorate if you never give yourself a chance to move past them, Achilles,}” Ceruviel interjected mildly from where she was languidly lying back, her hair fanned out along the edge of the bath. “{That begins by accepting you are allowed to want something for yourself. Don’t think I can’t read what’s in your mind.}”

  Leonidas flushed at that, thinking of Synthra and Aylar both, and cleared his throat. The sheer unlikelihood of running into the Princess so soon after his discourse with the Sorceress was almost suspicious. He had broken his usual routine by bothering Ceruviel in the bath, but he’d never thought that choice would end in such an unlikely confluence of chance. Both the women he was fighting over in his mind, within two hours of eachother? It defied logical reasoning.

  If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

  It was like something out of a bad Romantasy novel.

  “{Leonidas,}” Aylar said finally, her voice coming out more levelly. “{I respect that you are trying to protect me, and I even respect that you believe you’re doing what’s right, but don’t I have a choice in the matter? Can I not elect to decide for myself whether or not your burdens are too great? I don’t know what happened to you, and I won’t disrespect you by pretending I do—but do you not see what you’re doing? You are devaluing my agency as if I were an invalid, and you don’t even realize it. I can choose for myself, Leonidas. If I choose to accept you with your burdens, then your choice is whether or not to trust me, not whether or not I am able bear them with you.}”

  Aylar’s movement splashed the water again as she made some sort of gesture, and he heard Ceruviel chortle in unabashed amusement when she did.

  “{I never intended to imply you cannot make that choice, Aylar,}” Leonidas said finally, his own voice faintly apologetic. “{But what I carry—it is not something that anyone else deserves to be weighed down by. I know how that sounds, but it is what I believe. Nobody else needs to suffer for my own demons. Dawnhaven deserves a King that isn’t haunted by nightmares.}”

  Aylar sighed audibly at his words, not in denigration, but in frustration, and then spoke again—her voice a mix between amused, resigned, and mildly annoyed.

  “{You would sacrifice yourself at a moment’s notice, Leonidas, but you never let anyone else step in to bear the weight of pain alongside you. That tireless dedication to duty of yours, Leonidas, paired with your calm certainty? That is what makes you a perfect partner for me. You have a knack for leadership and reassurance that is so natural it even catches me off guard, and I was raised to spot such things! Gods of Altera, that steady belief, the way you say ‘King’ as if my ascension to Queen-Potentiate is already a given...}”

  A laugh left the Princess-Royal’s lips, and she seemed to be both amused and almost despairing.

  “{Gods, Leonidas, Gods, that confidence of yours. The way you just make everything feel under control. It is maddening. It is infuriating! You are just flawed enough to be the perfect romance protagonist, and that is the worst part of it all!}”

  “{What does being a romance protagonist have to do with—}”

  “{I READ ROMANCE NOVELS TO DECOMPRESS, LEONIDAS!}” Aylar shouted in a way that sounded like a barrier shattering, equal parts frustrated and defensive. “{I HAPPEN TO LIKE THEM, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!}”

  Leonidas flinched in embarrassment, and Ceruviel laughed again—this time with a sound of vindication as the Princess splashed the water in frustration.

  “{I did not mean to imply you could not indulge in—}” he sighed and cut off mid-statement, looking to the ceiling and silently praying for guidance. “{Aylar, I appreciate your candor, and I will not be dishonest and say I have not… thought about you in a romantic light, as I said, especially given the warmth and empathy you show everyone you meet, but this—this is not as simply overcome as you may believe it to be. Not for lack of desire, because I would be lying if I said you are not beautiful, but I—}”

  Leonidas growled and shook his head.

  “{I cannot just—this is not the right time for this decision, Aylar. I am sorry. I need to speak to Ceruviel, but I will wait until you two are done. I am hearing you, but I cannot give you an answer. Not now. Not like this.}”

  Silence followed his words, and he glanced back surreptitiously to see Aylar frowning in thought while staring at the water, blessedly still veiling her. Amidst the steam, with her hair free and her face faintly glistening from the water and heat, she looked like a rendition of a beauty goddess. He felt like a fool, in that moment, and then looked away again with a grimace.

  Nice work, Ace.

  “{Allow me to make it easier for you, then,}” Aylar said tightly after a moment of further thought, at which point he heard the sound of displaced water, followed by the sound of bare, wet feet against marble when the Princess stepped out of the immense Roman-style bath. “{I am not a foolish adolescent, Leonidas Achilles,}” she said more quietly, her voice no less firm despite it. “{I am the Princess-Royal, I am a Swordmaiden, and more than both, I am a Lady well into her age of majority. I may be young by the reckoning of my people, but this world does not care for such things. Our future is too important, not just for us, but for this nation.}”

  Her words rang true for him sharply, recalling his own time on Elatra unbidden—the way he’d been forced to grow up, to confront things no twenty-something should have ever had to see. Leonidas opened his mouth to speak, and then shut it after a moment. It wasn’t the right time to interrupt. He could feel, subtly, the need she had to express what she was feeling. He wouldn’t take that from her.

  Instead, he just listened. He gave her the courtesy of not cutting her off.

  Sometimes, he knew from personal experience, that was all someone needed.

  “{You and I are of an age, Leonidas, and I can see what your invisible scars have done to you—how they’ve forged your need for self-determination, your reservations, even the wounds you think no one can see, and I respect that. I truly do. All I ask is the same respect for my agency, and my right to decide for myself what I want… what I—and Dawnhaven—need. I will not be a displayed treasure; admired, protected, but never touched for fear of being broken. I will not be set aside for fear of what might happen. I did not let my parents do it when I chose to come to Terra, and I will not accept it being done to me now.}”

  Leonidas turned away quickly when Aylar approached him and strode past, carrying the scent of lilacs and jasmine, toward the doors to Ceruviel’s expansive rooms.

  “{I will see myself dressed and attend to the Matthersons again before I return to the Palace,}” the Princess declared, her voice slightly strained with formality. “{You, Leonidas… you will think on what I have said. I… I am not in the business of exposing myself this way, unplanned impulse or not, and I insist you take the gravity of my words seriously.}”

  Aylar paused, and Leonidas grimaced at her words, realizing he had probably failed to properly acknowledge just what it must have taken for her to be that emotionally vulnerable. If anyone understood, after everything, it was him.

  “{I am drawn to you as a woman, Leonidas,}” she continued with quieter inflection, though it was no less certain in its delivery. “{But my choice, that being you, is not an impulsive one made by a silly girl. I will be Queen, Leonidas, as you said—and I will have a King at my side who can not only unite this Thronehold, but build a future for all of its people. I hope it will be someone like you, but I will not dishonor myself by begging. Our time together these last few days has solidified my choice, but I cannot make yours for you.}”

  Aylar paused at the doorway, and he heard her weight shift as she turned back.

  His eyes betrayed his self-control when she did, and he looked at her, drinking her in, before discipline resurfaced and he snapped his gaze away. The sight of her bare, toned body burned itself into his mind like with self-mocking desire, and he grit his teeth.

  Jesus Christ, she’s beautiful. What the hell is wrong with me?

  +{A fine question, my foolish Squire,}+ Ceruviel said into his mind in a tone that was equal parts amused and displeased by what she no doubt saw as yet another fumbled opportunity. +{A fine question indeed.}+

  “{You are so wise and powerful in many ways, Leonidas,}” Aylar said more gently, and with a quiet sense of inflective assessment. “{But you are such a boy in others—inexperienced, and naive both. I count those as very forgivable, even endearing failings, but failings they remain. I would marry you, still, because I know the future we could create together—but I will neither beg nor plead. You must understand the benefits of our union by your own volition, or I will face Braedon alone when he challenges me, and I will fight knowing I am the right person to rule, regardless of his superior strength.}”

  “{I know,}” Leonidas said gruffly. “{I saw that strength in you the first time we met. I know you will, Aylar. I do not think anyone could ever doubt your determination.}”

  The Princess-Royal hesitated at his words in his periphery, lifted a hand, and then turned away and dropped it. He heard her sigh in frustration as she paused one last time, and then spoke the last of what was on her mind with the same powerful certainty.

  It was a Queen’s certainty.

  “{I will stand by you, Leonidas, no matter the gravity of your burdens. You deserve that, you have earned that, and only a fool wouldn’t see the undefined residue of whatever price you paid to do so. I’ve watched you with the citizens, I’ve seen how you inspire them, how you give them hope. There is nobility in you, Leonidas, that far exceeds the simplistic weight of a mere Knight. You are a Sovereign born, you are a King already—but I cannot force you to accept that, any more than I can force you to accept me. That has to be your choice, Leonidas. In the end, it will always be your choice—I can only wish you luck in making the one you do not regret. For both our sakes.}”

  And then she turned and departed, not giving him a chance to reply as she vanished into Ceruviel’s quarters and drew the doors closed behind her with a very intentional bang.

  It echoed in the silence she left behind, like a condemnation Leonidas could not entirely deny that he deserved.

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