Hey Diary,

  Wellp, I messed up.

  We met the ursa major. It was the biggest, scariest, most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. It was beautiful and terrifying. And, knowing full well it eats magic, I tried to charm it.

  It said the ground was bad up in its old home. Which is kinda weird, cuz that’s what the sheep back in Bendsville said. Like, exactly how they described the hill they wouldn't go to. I just wanted it to go back, ignoring the bad ground.

  It… grabbed my magic. Somehow. And pulled it out of me. It started with the charm magic, then switched to lightning. I guess it liked the flavor of lightning better, cuz it took a lot of my lightning magic. It took enough that my hair started turning grey, like a kit who hasn't chosen their specialty yet. Now that my mana is back to full, my hair is… more pink. I tried a couple minor lightning spells, and they aren't as strong. I can tell. I haven't tried any charm spells, so I don't know if that magic is stronger.

  I haven't tried… cuz I'm scared.

  Charm magic isn't good magic. People don't trust people with charm magic. With reason. I liked having yellow hair and a mostly yellow tail cuz it showed I wasn't really a charm magic person. I just used it a little! For my job! But I mostly have lightning magic!

  And now, I mostly have charm magic. I'm worried I’ll be an expert at it now. Magic is intuitive, based on feelings. I don't want to feel like I could charm anyone I look at into doing whatever I want them to. That’s… bad.

  This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

  Evil.

  I don't want to be evil.

  I don't want people to be afraid of me.

  I shouldn't have tried charming the ursa. It was all going fine until then. We should have just left when it said it wasn't going home.

  It’s night now. We aren't in a town, we’re just staying on the side of the road. I can't sleep. I want…

  I want to ask my mom what to do. I want my mom.

  She’s a chef, a cook, but she has green hair. Green magic has lots of healing spells, but the other side of that coin is poison. It’s called poison magic. People from out of town would walk into the diner, see the cook has poison magic, and walk right back out.

  They don't know anything about her. But they see she can turn anything poisonous with a glance, and don't trust her around food.

  I've felt that a teeny tiny bit, having charm magic, but there’s laws around it. I have an earring that’s only given to people who are allowed to use charm magic. Since I have- had yellow hair, people would first see a lightning user, then notice charm magic at the same time as my permit earring. It was ok.

  Now people will see me and only see the charm magic user.

  But that’s a future me problem. The current me problem is: my cousins are mad at me. Maki said to not go, that it was stupid and I could die, but I went anyways. Maeve stayed with him, taking Peanut to safety, but Luke came with me.

  I'm not sure what he did exactly, I was too busy trying to not be eaten, but he saved me. He saved my life. Maeve is… upset about that. I can tell she was trying to not be, but she is.

  I know how to apologize to Maki: tell him I’m sorry I did the dumb thing he told me not to, and that he was right. But I’m not sure how to apologize to Maeve.

  I guess I'll just stare at the stars until I figure it out.

  Signing off,