The sky was clear, its blue tinge shining down from above unimpeded by anything at all, the warmth just right to enjoy a leisure mushroom gathering in the afternoon or hunting a few weak monsters in the forest a few hours from the capital. I should be out there, enjoying the day, earning a little bit of money like I have always done, surviving day by day with what little I had. My entire life had been like this, so why would today of all days be different? Hah… Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that day would come when I would be loaded into an open carriage, like those used to transport stuff, inside a heavy armor I could barely move in, with a bunch of murky, muscly men.

  I still remember what I told my parents when I left, saying that I would make a name for myself in the big city and that they would surely hear of me very soon. How many years has it been since I left? How many years has it been since I have been doing the exact same thing day in and day out? I don’t know, and I doubt I ever will. Not that it matters much, to be honest.

  Beating low level trash, gathering supplies for the guild, going to taverns with friends on our days off, that was more than enough for me. I liked doing that. What I didn’t like was being dragged into some weird building and being forced to train under some fucking psychos. Of course, I wasn’t the only one, and I surely wasn’t the first one who tried to resist at first, but those guys in shiny armor are monsters. Monsters, I tell ya. I don’t think I’ll forget the day they chopped off some poor sod’s hand because he kept asking to be returned to his farm, over and over again. It became annoying, but nobody said a thing against it. After all, if he did manage to get out of that prison, so too could we.

  Ah… how naive we were…

  Well, he did manage to get back to his farm and his beloved family… with his dominant hand rotting in a piece of dirty cloth. After that, I made sure to follow their every instruction, lest I’m the one going back with a stub for a hand. Fuck, why did I remember this? Now I have that image on my head… Hah… fuck.

  Fuck.

  Why me off all people, why us? I don’t know much about the others, but I was just living my life, doing my own things, minding my own business, trying my very best to stay out of the way, and yet, here I am, being promptly delivered… somewhere. I don’t know where I am or where I’m going, just that it’s been a few days since we last saw a settlement.

  Sometimes I wonder what the rest of the knights here think about… all this. Being force to take part on a war that had been going on for longer than her could remember, being taken out of their lives in order to get sent to the front lines, serving as shields for the more experienced knights to advance. I ain’t no idiot. It’s obvious what they were doing, picking up a bunch of nobodies from the street, training them for a few days before sending them on their way. It would be moronic of them to expect us to fight with the same expertise as the folks on the enemy camp, so they train us the bare minimum just to say that they did, before forcing us to be at the very front of it all. It disgusts me, though I’m far past the point of surprise.

  If there’s one thing everybody in this country knows, from the poorest of peasants to the richest of merchants, is that the top of the hierarchy is utterly rotten. Not that anyone would actually say so out loud, but it was like they didn’t even bother to hide it at all, and, if they actually did, the job was so piss-poor that it might have been better if they just showed the maggots eating their flesh at once. It was because of them that I made the decision to abandon my parents in the countryside and look for a more stable job in the capital.

  It’s not like I had a beef with my parents or was dissatisfied with anything related to them… it’s just… it had become simply impossible to live there any longer. It didn’t matter how much we were able to get from the ground on any random season, the local noble just kept asking for more and more, even on the harsh winters and on the blistering hot summers, he simply didn’t relent. Our best crops, the result of all hour hard work, would disappear sometimes on the same them we collected them, all ending up… somewhere. Somewhere that definitely had nothing to do with us.

  I hadn’t seen that man’s… or maybe woman’s face a single time the entire time I stayed in the farm, and neither had my parents, and yet they had the gall to demand a better portion of our job? It would be reasonable to do that if the amount taken was just as reasonable, or if the money obtained from trading the crops had been used to some capacity to better allow us to do our jobs, but nothing ever happened.

  No matter how much money we gave the noble, we never saw a single copper of it all. What’s more, with what little we had left, we were forced to buy from the shops from the surrounding villages, which all had the most absurd prices, beating even the capital in this regard, despite how absurd that might sound. Our house was old, my parents were aging, and the tools had been worn down through time and usage, and there was simply nothing we could do except work harder and harder to make ends meet. And so I fled, running day and night to get to the capital, dreaming of the days where I would be able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. No more of the same old, stale bread for breakfast and the soggy vegetables we were left with, not anymore!

  Hah… and look at me now… Miserable, far away from everything and everyone I know, heading off into the distance somewhere unknown into almost certain death. Yeah, I’d say my plans went as well as you could imagine. At this point, I feel like dying in a ditch to some random goblin would’ve been better. At least I would have saved up in resources and stuff. What a waste.

  Welp, can’t be crying about it now, can I? After all’s said and done, I am here, alive, breathing, moving, even if just my eyes. Seriously, though, these armors are heavy. And hot. Heavy and hot. Well, going back to the topic, since I have already wasted quite a lot in both gold and food, it would be an even bigger waste to die now, right? What would my parents think if they were notified about my death, valiantly fighting in the front lines, holding the enemy to the best of my abilities? Knowing them, they would probably be first and foremost annoyed that I hadn’t said my last goodbyes to them. Then I think they would be able to cry properly.

  Fuck, just thinking about that makes me tear-eyed as well. Come on, man, it’s just my own imagination, calm down. Deep breaths, yeah, that’s it, deep, steady breaths, just like pa taught me. It’s been hard out here, standing, well, sitting, alone with my thoughts, everyone too serious to hold any meaningful conversation with anyone else. Or maybe they’re just stressed, like me! Yes, I am stressed! So much so that at every little bump on the road I feel like my heart could leap through my mouth and run off into the distance, just like we are doing now.

  I don’t know how long we’ve been traveling thus far. I already lost track of it some time ago. The entire caravan moves in morbid silence, with the sole exception being the clopping of the horses’ soles hitting the ground. It’s boring. So, so boring, that I almost feel like I should reach out to my fellow knights and strike a conversation, but… well… the truth is, I can’t. I deeply apologize to you, who has had to deal with my endless rambles through the entirety of this trip, but I’m not as talkative as I’ve led you to believe. I can talk, of course, like any other normal human being, but being the first within a group of what, twenty or so people to speak is a well beyond my current abilities.

  And so, like everyone else, I stayed to myself and my thoughts. And you, of course, who has helped making this trip to nowhere a bit more manageable than it otherwise would’ve. It has been hard out here, even if the routine is just as repetitive as the one I had back in the capital. Ride in the carriage the entire day, make stops to feed and give water to the poor horses, rinse and repeat until nightfall. Get out, perceive a piece of dried, salty jerky from the sweaty hands of the knight in charge of us all, munch on it until it’s gone, go to sleep under a blanket of stars. Wake up early and move on.

  Between stopping from the night and going to sleep, some of the more diligent ones insisted on practicing, but I, like a few others, simply sent to bed — that is to say, the grass — a little earlier than the rest, enjoying a peaceful rest as we were softly lulled by the fierce shouts of our people. Day in and day out, there was nothing we would do, other than stare blankly at the sky and sometimes poking one another, though that was just in between the guys who had bonded over their nightly training.

  Very rarely, we would stop at one settlement or the other in order to replenish our supplies, which weren’t particularly plentiful, considering the limited space they were stored in, and also the fact that were over twenty hungry men ready to deplete the supplies at a moment’s notice. From the little window on my helmet, I could see the looks on those farmer’s eyes, the resentment, the annoyance. Some were even grieving, for reasons only they know, and that I could only imagine. It was… hard, to keep my composure through it all, through all the repeated times we have done this, for they remind me of my own family, and about the mockery of a lord we were forced to serve.

  Time and time again I wanted to step in, to stop this indiscriminate pillaging of resources, but, although I was many things, stupid was not one of them. I know my limits, and I somewhat understand the strength of the rest of the knights. In the present moment, it wouldn’t be simply stupid to challenge their orders, but it would also mean a death sentence. Evey time thoughts like those crossed my mind, I would see myself lying on the ground, blood spurting out of a headless neck.

  Truth be told, I was afraid then, just as much as I am afraid right at this moment, Heck, perhaps it’s even worse now that I’ve seen more of what they can do. Day in and day out, there’s nothing I can do other than brood to myself silently on my cramped little corner in the wagon, looking up in the sky and wondering if we were any closer to whatever our destination was than we were when we left. Logically, the answer was obvious, but the empty plains were so identical that I had to question if we had moved at all.

  Still, even with all that and more inside my mind, there was a limit to what I could do to entertain myself. Every day silently spent was another day I sank further into myself. It was depressing, to say the least, with all that paradoxical move without leaving the same place and the lack of interaction with my fellow knights. I had thought we shared a bond, something that united us over the countless days and nights spent on grueling training not a single one of us wanted to do, but it seemed like I couldn’t have been farther from the truth. I don’t know what it was that the veterans did to them during our short stay in their headquarters, but it had broken them all to a level where it would be impossible to recover the pieces.

  They were broken, completely and utterly broken. Since we never removed out helmets due to some bullshit regulation forced upon us, it was clear to anyone with half a thinking mind. They didn’t speak, they moved like golems, barely interacted with one another even in situations when such things would be expected. Gazing at the stars far above my head, I sometimes wonder what they had suffered, and why I had been spared. It was on one of those nights that I decided to slip out.

  Not to flee, mind you, but simply to get some fresh air that wasn’t contaminated with the masculine smell (read, stink) that permeated the entire vicinity where we were camping. The moon was high in the sky and the many clouds scattered throughout it all somehow swirled around the celestial body, not daring touching it. It was a mesmerizing sigh, and one that I hoped would stay ingrained within my mind, different from that scene with the farmer. Ugh, I still get chills from that. I wonder how he’s doing right now. Maybe he’s already dead. After all, a farmer without a hand is only ever useful as fertilizer.

  I know what you’re thinking. That I’m an horrible person, that I should be more considerate of others, yadda yadda yadda. And yeah, maybe you’re right, but what else am I supposed to think? How could a man without his dominant hand ever wield any tool ever again? Even if by some miracle he manages to use his other hand just as effectively as his other one, the lack of a hand is still deadly. There’s no way that he is still alive today.

  Sorry, but that’s just the truth. I don’t care if you think I’m an asshole, I don’t care about your opinion at all! You are not even real to begin with, so why should I give a fuck about you? If you don’t like that, than just leave me. Leave me alone with my thoughts. No… nevermind. Please stay with me. I don’t care if you’re just part of my imagination, but please don’t leave. It’s lonely here. Despite being surrounded by men, moving every day at a constant rate towards… somewhere, it just… well, I guess it just doesn’t feel real.

  This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

  I don’t really know how to explain it to you. I myself am not really sure about what is it that I feel. All I know is that everything around here looks wrong. The men look like they have been possessed by some devil from old literature, the coaches… I don’t think I’ve ever seen their face, even after what, weeks of travel? I don’t know how that’s possible, and yet, here we are. Of course, the worst offended of them all is the fact that no matter how much we walked, no matter for ho long we stayed on top of the wagons, there was almost no sense of progression. All this time and it seems like we could still just turn around and walk for half a day to once again get into the capital.

  Now, I know what you’re thinking, but you are not here in person. You’re not here at all, actually. You can’t see what I see, only what I perceive. You don’t feel, you don’t think, you don’t do anything. That’s what I think, at the very least. I doubt you can comprehend what I’m telling you. In a way, does it even matter if you’re here or not? You can’t answer me and you have no presence, it’s almost as if you don’t exist at all!

  But if you don’t exist then that would mean that I’ve been talking to myself since… forever, I think. Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope. You are definitely real, otherwise I would be crazy! Batshit insane! And, since I’m neither of those things, then that could only mean that you are as real as me, right? Umm… yes, yes, my logic is flawless, and don’t you dare try to disprove me! Not… not that you could, but anyway! It’s the intent that matters. And you wouldn’t pass on the opportunity of calling me a lunatic, right? Yeah, I know you well, my friend, perhaps even better than myself. Which isn’t a good thing, I don’t think, but whatever.

  Hah… welp, I don’t know how to tell you, so I’ll just say it plainly: we have arrived. After all this time, and ungodly amount of time, we are finally here. Remember when I said that it looked like we were stuck in place and time? Well, forget that, ‘cause today we just got definitive proof that we were, indeed moving this entire time! Crazy, right? Who would’ve thought. Enough of that, though. You’ll have all the time in the world to mock me in my sleep. But stay quiet while I tell you about our arrival. It was pretty dope, trust me. Just this once.

  So… we were all on top of the wooden wagon, right, moving into the sunset like we had been doing every day for the past… who knows how many days, until we finally saw in the distance. We, or, well, should I say, me, still didn’t know what it was, but to say I was excited would be an understatement. A big one at that. If it wasn’t for this bulky armor I’m still wearing right as we speak, I would have already jumped up and down with joy, tears, dripping down my eyes as a ran towards whatever the little dot in the horizon was. But alas, the composure of my… coworkers, so to speak and the sheer weight of my plate armor prevented me from going anywhere.

  After all, much like the matter with the lack of conversation, there would be no way that I would be the one to start things off. I’m not cut for that, and you know that. Oh, how I struggled to bond with people there in the capital. I was pretty miserable back then, wasn’t I? Well, expecting anything else from what essentially was a child still would be a bit much, wouldn’t you think? Heh, I didn’t even know what I wanted for myself, how could I possibly know what I wanted from others?

  Still, it doesn’t matter how much I improved in that regard if it still means I am simply unable to initiate a conversation with… well, I wouldn’t call these folks strangers no more. After all, if what we’ve gone through together wasn’t a bonding experience, than I don’t know what would classify as such. But, even then… Yeah, there’s no way I can talk with these rough fellow without being addressed first. I’m too much of coward to deal with that. As long as I can sit back on my designed spot and enjoy the view, I am pretty content.

  Call me lazy, laid back, whatever, I’m sure that must be true. But what could I do? Fight against my nature? No can do! I must accept myself as I am, even if that means not moving a finger at the sight of the frontier encampment, or what I assumed the dot in the distance was. I don’t think there are any villages on the vicinity, so that must be it, right? After all, it would be too risky to have homes built so close to an hostile border. That’s my take on it anyway, but what do I know.

  Well, turns out I didn’t need to know anything, since we were conveniently moving in that direction anyway. So, sooner or later, I would end up knowing what it truly was. And, as you know, my guesses are always right. You can’t go wrong betting on me. After watching me for so long, you still doubt my abilities, but I know it’s only out of stubbornness. After all, it should be painfully clear, especially to you, that I never guess wrong.

  Whatever, have it your way, you fiend. I’m sure sooner or later you’ll learn how to respect me, even if I have to become a sword master in order to be acknowledge. It’s not like I have any option other than fighting till the bitter end. Though with the encampment the way it was, there was very little encouraging me to do my best. I don’t know how long we’ll have to stay here in the middle of nowhere before marching to the front lines, but every second we stay here is a second longer than what I would’ve liked. Allow me to explain.

  So… imagine a place… a place so barren that it’s nothing short of bizarre that someone would choose to set camp there. It’s on top of a hill, giving everyone a vantage spot, and yet there is nothing but faraway villages to be seen from there. Not enemy armies or fortresses, no barracks hiding on the tall grass, no enemy flags hung up in the sky, nothing. It was a land of nothing. Greenery, as far as the eye could see. Tall grass extending like a fluffy carpet in all directions, the only indication that we were indeed somewhere being the simple leather barracks mounted on top of the hill. As I said before, barren. Desolate. Depressing.

  Now, you know me, a little bit of grass isn’t enough to get to me, but the atmosphere… oh the atmosphere. just thinking about it, even after departing from that wretched place, still gives me chills. You know how I talked extensively about the oddities of the rest of the knights in my group, right? How they only seemed to care about eating and training, even if they had been people who had never cared about such things for a day in their lives. Well, turns out that it doesn’t seem to be an isolated case after all.

  Since there was already something set up there, it should be obvious even to you that there would be someone else in the camp. Well, in this case, there were many someones. Most of which were just as zombified as my mates. It was… bizarre, to say the least, watching as the armored behemoths got down one by one from the wagon and into an orderly line. They were so quick to merge in with the other zombies that I was honestly appalled. I knew these people. Some of them, at least. I knew that those I was familiar with were far from the diligent type, and yet, there they were, orderly walking around, silent as ghost, specters of the night wandering among us in our sleep. Except they didn’t even bother to wait until nightfall to start walking around.

  It’s not like I was oblivious to the weird things going on around me, it’s just… you know… I didn’t know what exactly it was. Well, I still don’t know, but it feels… comfortable, to know that this situation extends beyond me. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one made to suffer with this endless silence. Yeah… thinking about it, I might have some problems that may need to be addressed on a later date. But not today, though!

  Today, we sleep! Yeah!

  Come on, don’t stare at me like that! I’m just so, so tired from walking all day, I can’t help but lay down as soon as I was allowed to! Trust me, just you try to walk all day every day in heavy armor and see how long you last. Oh, right, you can’t because you don't a have legs. Or a body, for that matter. Sorry, sorry, that sounded a bit rude, didn’t it? But that’s the truth, and sugarcoating it wouldn’t do neither of us any good.

  Hah… where were we again in the story? Oh, right, the camp. Yeah. So, we arrived at the encampment, right, and everyone just went one by one in a neat little line. Of course, in order not to make an absolute fool of myself, I naturally followed along. In the distance, there were some voices talking, and oh boy, you can’t imagine how thrilled I was by this. I’ve told you in length about the eerie silence that had become common place in our travel, right? So you must be able to at least picture me in that moment when I heard the voices of other human beings.

  It didn’t even feel real, to be honest. With everything weird that had happened during the journey, I hope you don’t blame me for thinking that such a thing was simply too good to be true. Human companion, just when I was on the verge of going insane? Yes please! Since you don’t really have a material body, I doubt you could ever understand, but such a longing for human touch… I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that before.

  Perhaps it’s this cold, metal shell that I’ve been wearing nonstop since I was… well… how was I dragged into the knights’ headquarters in the first place? Hmm… do you remember? No? Too bad, cause I can’t remember it either. I don’t even remember what I was doing prior to that. Well, if I can’t remember, then it mustn’t have been something important… right? Well, I hope so. Otherwise we might have some big problems. Ugh, even if it wasn’t important, not knowing what it was that I was doing before being… dragged? Accosted? Coerced into the building still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

  Fuck this. Fuck all this. The war, the nobles, the knights, everyone! Why must we fight in their war?! Why must we be part of their sick games?!

  Hah… I’m sorry for that. You know I’m not usually like this. It’s just… how long have we been going around, making laps across the world in order to fight some imaginary enemy we have never seen before? I know, and you know, that I’m greatly exaggerating things, but still! What were they thinking, abducting men at their leisure, making them fight for… for… are we even fighting for something? Is there even any purpose to what we are doing? Is there even a meaning to all this walking we have been doing these past few days? If there is, please tell me. Please.

  It’s cold out here.

  I don’t know how many days we have been walking. It could be three, it could be a hundred. You could tell me any number, and I’d easily believe in you. I don’t know what’s happening anymore. The silence that creeped me so much at the start has become more and more comforting with the passage of time. It’s… nice. Peaceful. Compared to my life of… adventuring, was it? Please correct me if I’m wrong, the details are a bit fuzzy, but yeah, I think adventuring is right. Compared to it, there’s no pressure, there’s no need to run around doing menial tasks for scrap money. We just walk and walk and walk, in a perfectly ordered line towards the horizon, or, at least, until we reach one of our designated targets.

  Not that the latter situation has happened yet, but I think soon. Soon I’ll be in my first real battle! Can you believe it? No, killing goblins does not count for a battle, you doofus, you know that. Battles are meant to be challenging, epic moments where I can shine in the battlefield. Or, you know, trying to do that. Whatever happens first. Aww… you’re worried about me? After everything we did together, only now you’re worried about me? Well, thank you. I’ll be sure to remember you in the afterlife.

  Come on, there’s no need to get upset! That was just a joke! A joke! Come on, please don’t be like that. I wont do it again, I promise. Hah… it seems that these days talking to you has become such a pain. Everything I do you whine about, it’s insufferable! Even without a single word you still manage to get on my nerves. Honestly, I’m a little impressed by that. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve grown to be much more annoying in the short time I’ve been a knight.

  Are you jealous that I got such an opportunity? Is that how it’s going to be, huh? And here I was, thinking we were friends. Oh well. If you’re not cut out to support your friends success, you might as well go away. Don’t worry, I won’t miss such a sore excuse for a friend. Come on, go. GO! I can do without you. I have my companions. Reliable companions. Ever-silent companions. I don’t need you here. I won’t say it again. Leave. Now.

  Ah… free at last. I wonder what you were thinking, flaring up like that. Was it actually jealousy? Well, probably. There would be no other reason for such a thing to occur. At least I don’t think so. Maybe there is, and I’m just too dumb to understand it. It wouldn’t be the first time, and I doubt it would be the last. But refusing to be happy for me to such an extent, what exactly did you expect would happen? Honestly, I don’t think I saw anyone reacting to a friends apparent happiness with such vile comments. We have been together for so long, and yet today is the day I discover that I didn’t know you at all.

  It’s… sad, in a way, that we had to part ways in such a way, and I sincerely hope that you’ll come to understand the error in your ways and come back to apologize. For as much as you have been annoying, you were also my only friend in this nothingness. I miss you, and I just want you to know that, whatever happens this mission, you have been the pillar that kept me going. I hope things go back to the way they were.

  But I can’t afford to dwell on such thoughts no more. The day we carry our first mission has arrived, and I must pay utmost attention to it. I hope you understand that, my friend. While I fend off the enemy, I hope you sincerely think about out previous discussion. I don’t want to end things here. I don’t want to be alone in this world. It’s cold in here, in this metal murder machine. I’m scared. I want to go home.

  Home… where is it again?

  Fuck.

  Where did I live before being drafted? Come on, me, there’s no way you would forget something like this, right? Right? Brain, please, cooperate with me. We are on the verge of a very important mission. Please. Please don’t make this hard on me. Come on…

  Why?!

  Why can’t I remember?!

  Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit! Why???

  Please come back. Please. Don’t let me forget.

  I’m scared.

  The smell of iron is too strong. I don’t know anymore if it comes from my sword or the blood jutting out of the village inhabitants. I don’t know if I want to know. Why am I even doing this? These people are innocent, and yet, here I am, slashing away like a fucking maniac. Why??? Just because I was given orders to do so? I don’t even know who gave me these orders.

  I’m scared.

  Oh gods the fire. The fire, gods, why must we yield it? Why does it burn so bright? Is it punishment, gods, for everything I have done up until now? What could I be possibly be punished for, if I can’t even remember my sins? Their screams hurt. They hurt so much. I want to stop. I want to break down crying on the floor. Not that it would make what I did any better, but I would at least get some respite. Yet I continue.

  I’m scared.

  I’m scared.

  I’m —

  What am I?