Vladimir Pudding, who as always lightly glowing green, commanded the kneeling Sir Boris "Sir Boris, the governor of Omsk, has raised complaints that an Anarcho-Primitivist Terror-cell has been perturbing the good denizens of Omsk, but most importantly, not paying taxes, thereby, I task thou with restoring the loyalty of these dissidents. Thou art dismissed." He then waved his slightly green hand towards Sir Boris.

  Sir Boris quickly left the Shattered Palace and walked to his residence, where he donned his armour -a fearsome grey armour with minor electrical improvements- and scabbard along with its saber.

  Then to the courtyard he went, where he climbed into a wooden cart being driven by two peasants.

  "To which destination we shall travel, o noble knight ?" the gray haired peasant asked.

  With a voice perhaps too arrogant Sir Boris answered "Omsk, the Eternal Czar himself has bestowed upon I, the duty of exterminating a terror cell!".

  The old peasant mumbled "A most righteous endeavour, we depart this very moment!" Then he motioned to the younger peasant to prepare the cart and soon enough they were on the muddy road to Omsk.

  Although perhaps the journey would take too long at this pace, the horse was trotting at a laze pace and the Anarcho-Primitivists would only further entrenched themselves further the longer they took, so reasonably Sir Boris requested the peasants to hasten the journey "Peasants, we are trotting at precarious speeds! Spur this equine at once!"

  The older peasant looked to Sir Boris with a concerned face and raised his worries "But, o noble knight, this be a transylvanian steed, unwelcoming of labour!".

  The Peasant acquiesced after seeing Sir Boris slowly unsheathe his saber "As you desire, as you desire." He then slapped the reins against the horse.

  Sir Boris felt the shift almost immediately, the horse began to pick up pace, soon a fast trotting had been reached. That was when the Neighing started, the horse began to shudder and jump wildly, while Sir Boris held on the cart's railings for dear life.

  The horse made a mighty jump, liberating itself from the reins and knocking the cart backwards, trapping Sir Boris.

  "NEIGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sir Boris heard the furious stomping of the horse and following that.

  "Spare my neck, merciless fiend! I BEG OF THEE!" And then a sound, as if the juiciest of apples had been bitten.

  Sir Boris immediately sprung into action, how could he stand idly while the subjects of the Rus Empire die ? With a mighty push he freed himself from his "cage" and was soon confronted with the sight of the horse sucking the blood out of the old peasant's neck.

  "Fret not peasant! I shall slay the beast!" The vampire horse seemingly understanding Sir Boris's challenge charged forward.

  "NEIGHHHHH-" The vampire horse's war-cry was cut short as Sir Boris threw garlic at it -removed from his fancy high-tech armour pouch-, the vampire horse's charge turned into a stumble and then into a tumble straight into the ground.

  Without rest, Sir Boris was upon the beast, hacking and slashing against its neck, sending blood in all directions, and soon enough the vampire horse's head came off. Sir Boris grabbed the fallen vampire's horse head and approached the dying old peasant.

  Sir Boris lamented "Alas, I did all that could be done, none could have foreseen this event." Then he offered a quick prayer for the fallen commoner, before turning to the younger peasant who had returned from his escapade into the forest and threw him the vampire horse's head before commanding "Peasant, thou shall clear this road! afterwards thou shall deliver the trophy I acquired to the Shattered Palace!".

  Once the peasant got to work clearing the road of the dying old peasant, dead vampire horse and the overturned cart, Sir Boris went on his way east towards Omsk. Alas, he would have to continue the journey on foot.

  A few days of treading muddy roads later, Sir Boris arrived at the "Glorious" "City" of Omsk. In the outskirts of Omsk there were wooden houses built in muddy ground, the buildings further in the center were made of stone and built on sturdier grounds. For a moment Omsk didn't seen so bad, then like a tide, mudskippers rose from the ground, attacking him with their mud projectiles, from the scant vegetation mosquitoes rose and breached the defenses of his armour.

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  When Sir Boris came under siege by the vile critters of Omsk he broke out in a sprint and followed the outskirts of Omsk east, where he found a small separate mud village.

  Sir Boris quickly approached the mud village and ran towards one of the Mud houses which had an Anarcho-Primitivist in its premises, as Sir Boris drew closer he saw the Anarcho-Primitivist and could only describe him as a Mudman. A half-starved peasant covered in mud and currently diving headfirst into a mudhole, presumably trying to hunt mudskippers.

  Sir Boris approached the Mudman who had gotten up to meet the stranger. "Mudman! I Knight Boris Of The Order Of The Dragon and Anointed Servant Of The Cephalopodic Oracle, have come to slay thy barbaric King!".

  "There be no Kings in this land! This be an Anarcho-Primitivist Utopia!" The Mudman said, while shaking slightly from the cold.

  Sir Boris however, was having none of it, he grabbed the Mudman and stared at him "Mudman, angering I, is not in thou desires, when wrath overtakes I, all that I can see is red and my will becomes mine no longer..."

  The tune the Mudman sang changed swiftly once the blood-covered Sir Boris warned him "Of course my sire, of course. Thou shalt find our King in the mansion residing at the village's heart." Then he pointed south.

  Sir Boris marched forward but not before punching the Peasant in the back of the head, a suitable punishment for such cowardice. After a moderate amount of walking and being tormented by mosquitoes, Sir Boris finally reached the residence of the Mudman King.

  In front of Sir Boris lied a terribly ugly palace of filth that seemed on the verge of collapse, nevertheless Sir Boris The Valiant entered the lair of the Mudman King.

  He walked through the mansion seeing all kinds of strange mud artifacts, a scripture with the title of "The Wealth of Nations" and a strange snake sculpture with an inscription of "Don't tread on me", among others.

  The residence of the Mudman King was strange but it became stranger when Sir Boris came across a man taking a mud bath in a mud cauldron with mosquitoes circling over him like he was the main ingredient in some primordial soup, while the surprised Mudman King stared at him, Sir Boris deftly walked over and tipped the cauldron, sending its contents -namely the Mudman King and mud- tumbling into the floor.

  But from the mud a warrior rose, with a war-hammer seemingly from nowhere, the Mudman King charged Sir Boris who dexterously parried and evaded strike after strike and then once he saw the window of opportunity he struck, however the saber slid right off the Mudman King's skin, and then Sir Boris heard a strange buzzing sound alongside the sudden moving of air.

  In a mighty strike the war-hammer made contact with Sir Boris chest, nearly caving in his armour and flinging him through a mud wall, with Sir Boris "flight" only ending when he crashed into the second one. But that was not the end of it, before Sir Boris even returned to his feet, he was engulfed by a mosquito cloud and blinded to the outside world.

  However before the battle continued, Sir Boris extended his open right hand through the mosquito cloud and through the buzzing of mosquitoes he shouted, arguing with his foe of demonic strength "Wait! Slaying I -Sir Boris The Great- will only compel the Eternal Czar to send more knights in purpose of ending thou reign's!"

  The Mudman King stopped once he heard the word "Reign", in a over-exaggerated manner he pointed his war-hammer towards Sir Boris and started monologuing "Reign ? I be no king, I be a fighter, a warrior for the liberty of my people, for the liberty of all of Omsk and freedom from the Muscovite yoke! Thou thinks thou ca-"

  The Mudman King was anti-climatically blown up by a surprise grenade thrown at his feet by Sir Boris -courtesy of the armour pouch-, in a instant the mud mansion which had been previously one coloured, was given a new decour by the red mist who was once known as the Mudman King.

  After luckily and bravely vanquishing the Mudman King he quickly limped out of the mansion and jumped in the creek of the village to dismiss the mosquito cloud over him, after nearly drowning owing to the muddy creek and a battered body, Sir Boris returned to the village.

  There he gathered the villagers using diplomacy -threats- and had them build a small mound which he climbed and decreed "I Knight Boris Of The Order Of The Dragon and Anointed Servant Of The Cephalopodic Oracle have liberated this land from thou villainous oppressors, rejoice!" Sir Boris coughed and waved a grenade around which made his righteous declaration "lighten" the humors of the Mudmen, making them clap and cheer while eyeing for any sudden movements.

  Sir Boris continued the proclamation "Henceforth this land shall once again be part of the fiefdom of Omsk and with it all the privileges, including protection by the Rus Empire, alongside it's eternal guardian, Vladimir Pudding! Alas, failing thou duties of paying taxes or continued actions of Anarcho-Primitivism will be met with beheadings."

  The atmosphere suddenly got tense, however Sir Boris simply continued "Farewell Mudmen! However! Before I leave, I shall collects the gifts all of thou must no doubt be waiting to deliver to I, as I freed thou from tyranny" He then produced a sack from his pouch and waited for the Mudmen to deposit their gifts, which after some more "diplomacy" they did, throwing any valuables they had -if any- into the sack.

  After that was said and done, the Mudmen nervously watched as Sir Boris quickly left, carrying his sack of plunder as he swiftly disappeared past the tree-line