The Hero is Too Busy Paying His Rent!Chapter 3: The Power of Friendship… and Expired CouponsI should have been dead.

  I should have been locked in an intense battle against the forces of darkness, struggling for my very survival, wielding my holy sword with the fate of the world on my shoulders.

  Instead, I was mopping the floor of a fast-food restaurant while the Demon King casually sipped a soda through a straw.

  “Your floors are sticky,” he said.

  I kept mopping. “Yeah, we’re aware.”

  “Do you ever clean them?”

  I stopped mopping and looked at him. “No.”

  The Demon King looked down at his reflection in the murky puddle of mystery grease. “Disgusting,” he muttered. Then he took another sip of his soda.

  The Chosen One vs. The Customer from HellAt 1:45 PM, just when I thought the worst of the lunch rush was over, a new challenger approached.

  The moment she walked in, I knew we were doomed.

  She wore a sparkling, pink battle dress with a massive oversized magical staff that screamed “Main Character Energy.”

  Her eyes glowed with the light of destiny. Her hair was an unnatural shade of anime blue. And worst of all…

  She held a coupon.

  I braced myself.

  “Greetings, humble fast-food worker!” she announced, flipping her hair in slow motion. “I am Princess Melodia Everwhisper, Chosen Mage of Light! And I demand my free combo meal!”

  I sighed. “Ma’am, this coupon expired two years ago.”

  She gasped. “You dare deny a princess?! Do you not know who I am?”

  I gnced at her ridiculous magical outfit, then at the literal floating text box above her head that read:

  [PRINCESS MELODIA: THE FATED ONE]

  “…Yeah, I think I figured it out.”

  “Then you must know that I am on a grand quest to defeat the Dark Overlord and bring peace to the kingdom! Surely, a mere fast-food employee cannot stand in the way of destiny.”

  I held up the coupon. “This expired during the st Demon King invasion.”

  The Demon King, still sipping his soda, raised a hand. “Oh, that was me. Good times.”

  Princess Melodia gasped again. “The Demon King?! Here?!”

  The entire restaurant turned to stare at him.

  The Demon King looked left. Looked right. Then slowly grabbed a Burger Castle Employee Hat and put it on.

  “I work here now,” he said.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I just promoted him to Assistant Manager.”

  Karen quit earlier, so technically I wasn’t lying.

  Melodia narrowed her eyes. “If you refuse to honor my coupon… then I shall challenge you to a battle of fate!”

  I sighed. “Can’t you just buy a burger like a normal person?”

  “No!” she decred. “I must test your power! For only the strongest warrior can join me on my quest!”

  I stared at her. She stared at me. Neither of us blinked.

  Then I grabbed a ketchup packet and threw it at her face.

  Melodia screamed.

  Boss Battle?! The Unwilling Hero vs. The Overpowered Protagonist!“You dare use such foul alchemy against me?!” Melodia wiped the ketchup from her cheek, her magical aura growing stronger. “Very well! Witness my ultimate spell—INFINITE STARFIRE APOCALYPSE RAGNAROK!”

  She swung her staff dramatically. A massive glowing magic circle appeared in the sky, crackling with energy. The walls of the restaurant shook as divine power gathered above us.

  Customers screamed. Tables flipped over. Kenji fell asleep in the back.

  “Lady, it’s a burger,” I said, unfazed.

  “Silence!” she shouted. “Now, perish in holy fmes!”

  The sky exploded.

  A beam of pure, universe-shattering magic shot down from the heavens, engulfing me in a blinding light of destruction.

  The sheer force of it erased half the restaurant. The earth split apart. The sky turned blood red. Somewhere, a choir started singing in Latin.

  When the light faded, I was still standing.

  Melodia’s jaw dropped. “I… I don’t understand! That was my ultimate attack! How are you still alive?!”

  I held up a Burger Castle Employee Handbook.

  “This thing says I can’t die during work hours,” I said.

  She blinked. “What?”

  I handed her the handbook. She flipped to Section 7, Paragraph 3:

  “Employees must remain alive for the duration of their shift. Failure to do so may result in termination.”

  She screamed again.

  The True Horror: Corporate PoliciesThe restaurant was in ruins. The walls were gone. Half the floor was missing. The deep fryer was on fire.

  Karen, my former manager, walked past. She gnced at the destruction, then at me.

  “Not my problem,” she muttered, walking away.

  The Demon King sighed. “This pce has terrible structural integrity.”

  I looked at Melodia, who was still shaking from the revetion of corporate immortality.

  “Can you just pay for your meal?” I asked.

  Melodia grumbled. “Fine.”

  She reached into her bag and pulled out…

  A giant glowing crystal.

  “Here is the Jewel of Everlight, a priceless relic of my kingdom! Surely this will cover the cost.”

  I held it up. It radiated pure divine energy, capable of restoring life, bending fate, and warping reality.

  I turned to the register.

  “…Kenji, how much is this worth?”

  Kenji, who had just woken up, squinted at the crystal.

  “Eh. Probably, like, six bucks.”

  Melodia screamed a third time.

  New Employee OrientationBy the time 3 PM rolled around, Melodia had somehow become our newest employee.

  “Why am I here?!” she whined, putting on her Burger Castle uniform.

  “You destroyed half the restaurant,” I said. “Now you have to work here to pay it off.”

  The Demon King nodded. “Standard vilin redemption arc rules.”

  “I’M NOT A VILLAIN!” she shrieked.

  Kenji yawned. “First rule of Burger Castle: if a customer throws a fireball at you, it’s your fault.”

  Melodia pointed at me. “How are YOU still in charge?!”

  I shrugged. “I’ve been here the longest.”

  The princess groaned. “This is NOT how my hero’s journey was supposed to go!”

  The Demon King patted her on the back. “Welcome to retail, kid.”

  As Melodia colpsed into existential despair, a familiar glowing sword dropped from the sky and nded in my hands again.

  I sighed.

  A shimmering portal to the heavens opened, and the same divine old man from before appeared.

  “Rento Kazuma!” he bellowed. “You have ignored your sacred quest for too long! It is time to fulfill your destiny and—”

  I chucked the sword into the deep fryer.

  The holy bde sizzled. The fryer hissed.

  The divine old man stared in shock. “Did… did you just—”

  I nodded.

  “Yep.”

  The deep fryer exploded.

  To Be Continued…