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When an ordinary man awakens in The Uninspiringly Named Medieval Realm, he expects the usual isekai treatment—powerful abilities, legendary weapons, maybe even a hero’s destiny. Instead, he finds himself in the most prestigious role imaginable. A wooden table. Featherwood, to be exact, which allows him to become super fast. If he can walk. Blessed with a miserable stat spread (except for an absurdly high Agility score) and a RPG system that’s set on screwing him over, he is transported to the Township of Iakesi. With no mouth to speak, no arms to wield a sword, and no skills to aid his survival, his future looks bleak. But when his Status Window appears, he realizes something: He can level up. WHAT TO EXPECT in I am a Table: 1. A Sentient Table as MC 2. A Completely Useless Yet Overpowered Skill Set 3. The Most Unhinged System Ever 4. An ABSURD Sense of Humor (You''''ve been warned) 5. Extremely Bizarre Character Classes 6. VERY Mild Fade-to-Black Content, Mainly for Comedic Purposes 7. The magic system is based on The Six Pillars of Reality instead of simply affinity. It will be explained further in the World-Building Notes.