[ Shoplin Slayer!

  Defeat 100 shoplins.

  Reward: $100, +1 Low Priest's Select Crate, Title: Shoplin Slayer ]

  [ No Such Thing As Bad Press, MOG-AGLOG Edition

  Demonstrate the effectiveness of MOG-AGLOG products by attacking a MOG-AGLOG Lair with them.

  Reward: +1 MOG-AGLOG Alkemical Crate ]

  These and other notifications vying for the attention of my brain were obliterated by the explosion party happening in front of me.

  I leapt back in shock. "Holy shit!"

  "Let's use it!" Murray called out from the phone kiosk as he let loose an arrow. "Drop 'em!"

  The others rallied and opened fire. I recovered and checked my notifications again. No miniboss kill, no lair clear notification. We'd have to get in there.

  I added a few hand blasts to the mix as the shoplins scattered. Some leapt behind the sofas, pulled out flasks of a glowing red liquid, and started to chug.

  I had no idea what that was, but I didn't like it. "Be careful!"

  Val managed to bean one with a baseball and make them spill it, but the rest downed that stuff like they were at a beer-drinking tournament. Their skin turned red as they began to grow, muscles expanding and polos bursting.

  Chaz drew his sword (the cool way.) "They're hulking out!"

  [ MOGGED SHOPLIN, Lvl. 2 ]

  The shoplins grew to the size of a seriously hunched teenager and charged towards us on their newly-swollen knuckles, fangs widening.

  Joe stepped forward and activated Channel X, but the transformed shoplins paused for only a fraction of a second. An "!" appeared on Joe's screen as they leapt—he hadn't encountered enemies that could recover that fast before, and he'd left himself wide open.

  "Shit!" I reached out with Khan, grabbed him, and yanked him away roughly. No time to be nice.

  Our real frontliners stepped in. Val's bat sent one tumbling, Kara's spear stopped another mid-leap, and Chaz slashed one to get his sword's Dodge bonus rolling. The mogged shoplins didn't go down that easily, but my allies looked like they could handle themselves.

  The rest were in trouble though. A few mogged shoplins broke through to the back, and each was strong and reckless enough to take on several regular survivors at once. Murray had resorted to fire bolts to push one of them back.

  I leapt at that one and cracked it over the head with the crowbar. It turned and lunged, knocking me sideways, but that was the opening Manaia needed to punch it in the head again. We traded another pair of blows as it stumbled.

  [ Yum! ]

  Manaia was already bruised, but he grinned anyway. "Cheers!"

  I nodded and turned towards the entrance. Someone had to push. "Chaz, let's go!"

  Chaz cut his shoplin down and ran for the store, dodging another one on the way in. Kara slashed it as she followed, and I blasted it in the face for good measure. I heard shouting behind me, but I had to trust that the others could handle it.

  There was a checkout counter on the left side of the store, four registers wide. The shoplins had cleared space around it and covered it in a mess of beakers, microscopes, rubber tubes, and other science paraphernalia. Most of it had exploded, leaving a rainbow of chemical streaks radiating across the room. Two piles of purple sludge were sizzling on the floor.

  Standing on the counter was a large, understandably pissed shoplin, with spiked blue hair and a lab coat that was definitely white a minute ago. He'd moved a pair of safety goggles to his forehead, and was taking off a pair of rubber gloves; only the parts of his skin that they'd covered were dry.

  He threw the gloves to the ground, picked up a crowbar, and made a "bring it" gesture.

  [ MAFIPULATOR HEX, CHEMPRIEST OF MOG-AGLOG

  MINIBOSS (TEAM LEAD) ]

  I started blasting. Hex ducked, pulled out a purple flask with his free hand, and wound up like he was pitching a baseball.

  Lex dropped another shield in front of the counter—but the little bastard had baited her. Hex just grinned and ran sideways to get around it, crowbar raised.

  I fired a blast at where I thought he was going to pop out, but he executed a slide to duck as he dove off the counter. He lobbed the flask as he landed.

  Chaz disappeared, and the rest of us dove away. The flask shattered, and an evil-looking pillar of blue smoke erupted from the puddle it left behind. I scrambled to get away from it as it started to widen.

  The shouting was louder. More voices. Something was happening behind us. Oh shit, are they in trouble?

  I blasted Hex again to buy time, rolled to my feet, and glanced at the entrance just as a squad of five guys ran into the store.

  Each wore a dark track suit and a bandana tied over the lower half of their face. I didn't recognise them at all.

  Before I could say anything, the lead guy rolled some kind of durian across the floor—

  It exploded.

  A cloud of gas enveloped us. I breathed some in, and I suddenly felt woozy. My vision blurred.

  I felt and heard what happened next more than I saw it.

  The new guys charged Hex, shoving us out of the way. I stumbled, fell. One of them stopped and tried to pry my crowbar out of my hand. I struggled. There was a sudden smack sound, and he fell beside me.

  I coughed. More shouting, more screeching, more sounds of battle. Someone swore.

  There was a crunch.

  [ You have defeated Mafipulator Hex! ]

  [ +5 EXP! +$300! ]

  The gas began to clear. I tried to focus.

  [ LAIR CLEAR ]

  [ Killing Blow: Daddy_Big_Pants

  Most Damage: Lexy

  Top Contributions:

  1. Lexy and Snakpak

  2. Daddy_Big_Pants and Casso-Wary

  3. WillT and Khan Zoomer

  4. Boris

  5. Swaggity and Magravity ]

  [ Participation Rewards: +20 EXP

  Contribution Bonus: +$400, +3 Silver Lair Crate, +1 Crate Key

  Boss Contribution: +1 ZETTAMALL? Harsh Boss Crate ]

  [ Turning Problems Into Solutions

  Clear a MOG-AGLOG Lair.

  Reward: +1 Bronze Shoplin Crate ]

  I sat up and coughed. "What the hell?"

  More notifications rushed past, but I was a little distracted. The new guys were standing around Hex's body, staring at us.

  They were glaring a lot for people who had just stolen our kill. One of them looked ready to kill Lex, who was coughing on her hands and knees.

  Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.

  "You bastards," another spat. He had a red bandana while the others had black, so I guessed he was the leader. "You won't get away with this."

  "With what?"

  That's when I noticed the blood covering my shirt, and the guy next to me.

  He'd been hit in the throat with an arrow. He was dead.

  The leader stomped towards me, reloading his crossbow. Tears were forming in his eyes. "I was going to just collect our share and leave, but you know what? I'm gonna fuck you up! You bastards!"

  He raised the crossbow.

  Chaz's sword slashed across his back. "LEAVE MY BRO ALONE!"

  The leader gasped in pain. "GUUH!"

  The others surrounded Lex and raised their weapons, except one. He was a short, wiry old man, much more composed than the others despite his obvious rage. He simply stepped back and pulled out a scroll I didn't recognise.

  "Forget this," he said, and tore it. "Tell your friend this is not over."

  "Wait—" one of his friends managed to say just as they vanished in a flash of light.

  I got to my feet. Too much had happened. I couldn't think straight.

  "What the fuck? What the fuck?"

  That's when I noticed one of my new achievements.

  [ It Happens To The Best Of Us

  Lose an ally.

  Reward: +1 Death Daddy Well That Just Happened Crate ]

  I scrambled to my feet and ran to the entrance, where I found Manaia cradling Murray's body.

  "Damn, man..." Manaia sighed. "This isn't fair."

  Murray had taken a bolt straight to the heart. He was already gone.

  The rest of the raid wasn't looking great. The mogged shoplins had recovered from whatever those guys had used to incapacitate us before we did, and a lot of people were nursing claw wounds and broken bones. A few people seemed unlikely to make it. Michael and Reg were hurriedly saving who they could with the remaining cans.

  I plopped onto the ground next to Manaia. My head was still spinning.

  "What just happened?"

  Manaia looked up, tears in his eyes. "Those jokers hit us with something. Nearly knocked us out. He said they were trying to kill us..."

  He trailed off, staring at Murray again.

  I could piece the rest together. Murray had, perhaps not unfairly, fired in what he thought was self-defense. He shot someone, and his friends returned the favour.

  And just like that, we'd lost someone again.

  I tried to ignore the pounding in my head and took a deep breath.

  "Okay. Okay. They just used an item to go back to... wherever they came from. But they could come back. We need to grab what we can and go."

  Manaia nodded and picked Murray up. "I'll take care of him, bro. You gonna be okay?"

  "Probably..."

  I took a shaky step back to the checkout. Chaz was unceremoniously stripping the dead raider of his loot. Kara was helping Lex up.

  "Everyone alright?" I asked.

  "They stole my spear, but I'm fine," Kara said. "Lex, why are they pissed at you?"

  Lex shook her head and coughed again. "Dunno. Didn't see him."

  I let them be and turned to Chaz, who was removing the man's hoodie. "Why'd you do it, man?"

  Chaz had been surrounded when he launched his surprise attack. For one sickening moment back there, I thought they would get him.

  "Why wouldn't I?" He said with a shrug. "Hey, all of this guy's loot is from PvP brands. Blackguardz, Extreme Solipsist, Child Haters Inc... a lot of Rares."

  "Well, shit," I said. There was no way he'd have all that from just one fight. "Maybe Murray had the right idea..."

  I took a quick look around. There was another Gold Shoplin Crate under the counter, so I grabbed it.

  "I'm gonna check the back," I said. "I'll be quick. They might come back for seconds."

  Kara and Lex followed me, but we didn't find much. The back room contained a deactivated lair portal and another altar, which we couldn't use—it was waiting for the guy who landed the killing blow.

  [ Current Brand: MOG-AGLOG

  Time remaining: (01:27:23)

  Now Serving: Daddy_Big_Pants (0:07:23) ]

  He'd lose the right before the altar expired, but I didn't want to risk it. These guys were from the west plaza, and we were far from home.

  The back room shelves had been cleared of their stock and filled with laboratory supplies: flasks, vials, tubes, and more tools I didn't understand, all cleaned with what looked like spit. The shoplins had clearly used most of the flasks, but three had been left behind. Each contained a milky, electric blue liquid, with a big spiked strawberry floating in it.

  [ Rare! A MOG-AGLOG Shoplin Shake (Necropolitan Flavour)! Drink this and then vomit it onto a corpse to cast [Chat With Dead], or hold it down for 10 temporary HP! ]

  [ Chat With Dead: Access the patented Technology? within a deceased customer to grant it a vestige of intelligence, allowing it to answer up to five questions. Won't work on Expired. ]

  Kara checked the flasks out with me. "Ooh, maybe we could interrogate that dead guy."

  "They're gonna be pissed off if they come back and find out we messed with his corpse," I pointed out.

  She sparkled. "Bonus!"

  I couldn't argue that. "Do what you gotta do, but can we take him to the fitting room? I want to try something."

  Kara nodded and started helping Lex bag everything. I stepped outside and took a deep breath.

  "Goddamn it..."

  "The others are starting to leave," Chaz warned.

  "One sec," I said, and looked at my left hand.

  I was level three now. Khan had gotten stronger. When I examined his Consume skill, I could see my new essence slot.

  [ ESSENCES

  1: Shoplin Warlock [Mini] / Maglopic Blast

  2: Open ]

  "Hey, Khan. Show me these guys real quick."

  "I thought you'd never ask!"

  Khan's arm bounced around the room, showing me my options. The Product Demonstrators had a Blast Resistance power. The mogged shoplins reverted to regular shoplins after death. Lex had destroyed some sludge monsters called Alkemic Bastards, which fired corrosive slime. I already had a ranged attack and preferred to survive explosions by not being in them, so I passed on all three. Hex was a little more interesting.

  [ < Essence: Shoplin Alkemancer [Mini] >

  +4 Blast Resistance, +4 Cunning, +4 Perception, [+4 Free], Power: Visions of MOG-AGLOG ]

  [ Power: Visions of MOG-AGLOG

  Unlocks Crafting: Alkemy if you don't have it already. Boosts the Alkemy skill. When you use an altar, you have a 50% chance to receive a new Alkemy recipe. ]

  I studied it. "Huh."

  "Not a bad choice," Khan said. "Crafting elements are typically introduced after the tutorial, so getting started before everyone else can be quite the boon."

  It was tempting, but...

  "I think I helped someone get a dinosaur that knows alkemy already," I said. "We might not need it in the tutorial."

  "Very true. Unless he's deceased, of course."

  I dropped it in my lunch box for now. "We'll see."

  "Wise choice," Khan said. "One more essence remains."

  He reached into a pile of sludge, rummaged around, and retrieved a final orb.

  [ < Essence: WARCRIMES Compliance Unit >

  +5 Bargain Sense, +5 Combat Expertise, [+20 Free], Power: Zettamall Clearance Level INDIGO ]

  I blinked. "What the hell is this?"

  "I don't know," Khan said, waggling my elbow in what might have been a shrug. "I just extract the essences."

  "Well—"

  The window glitched and vanished. The orb in my hand rattled and turned light brown.

  When I examined it again, it had changed.

  "Uh..."

  [ Essence: Living Fecalith

  +12 Radioactivity, +14 Radiation Resistance, +4 Digestive Health, Power: Cosmic Miasma ]

  [ Power: Cosmic Miasma

  You emit the same cosmic rays that granted sentience to the Living Fecaliths of the Coprolu Sector. Inflicts all nearby living creatures with the Cosmic Radiation debuff. This aura can be turned on and off at will. ]

  I flung it across the room. "Nope."

  "I'm sorry, that normally never happens," Khan said uncertainly.

  I shook it out of my head. "Whatever. I have enough to deal with."

  Kara and Lex returned. They'd wrapped the dead guy in a tarp, and were dragging him together.

  "We're done!" Kara said. "Are we still going to the fitting room?"

  "Oh, uh, yeah. Do you need help?"

  "I might throw up," Lex said.

  Chaz took over for her. "I got it."

  "Can I get that sledgehammer back?" I asked. "We can use it to sneak out."

  I pointed to the fitting room on the east side of the store. A hole in the wall would take us to the central plaza, bypassing the corridor.

  "Pretty tricky, bro," Chaz said proudly.

  "Then let me make a distraction," Kara said.

  She raised a hand, touched Deadphones, and pressed something. There was a burst of bass-heavy music.

  Mafipulator Hex started standing up.

  Chaz almost threw a citrus slice. "Shit!"

  "Wait! It's fine!" Kara said. "It's Deadphones' other power, Dead Beats! It gets a song stuck in an enemy's head."

  Hex groaned, bobbing his head to a tune we couldn't hear. He was Expired now, complete with a slack-jawed look and glowing eyes.

  "Kreeegh..."

  We stared at him, then at Kara.

  "It's really stuck in there," she said.

  "Why haven't you done this before?" I asked.

  "Because it's creepy? And it doesn't last long right now. This is the first time it's been useful." She prodded it with her spear. "Um, I order you to run around in front of the store and make noises. I bet that'll distract 'em."

  Hex groaned his assent and wandered off.

  "Now let's grab this dead guy and go," Kara said, as the undead shoplin started running in circles and honking. "If they catch us, things might get weird."

  [ STATUS

  TIME: Day 2, 11:33 AM

  CUSTOMERS: 677/1167

  ODDBOTZ: 119/677 ]

  may have had art of an astronaut playing a saxophone on the cover. What book was I reading? Seriously, if you have any idea what I'm talking about, let me know. The library sold a bunch of books to make room for new ones.

  Patreon!