**Sophia**

  The period after our date was difficult for me. I kept my promise and did no more tests, no matter how much I wanted to. Somewhere I already knew what that result would be. It would surely tell me again that I wouldn't have a child, that I was worthless as a wife.

  I kept it hidden from Lucas. He did his best to make me happy. I wanted him to think he was succeeding. I let myself be carried away to fun things again, pretending I was having a great time.

  I loved him. And if pretending I felt okay gave him some peace and joy, then I had to do that. We had locked the nursery. He hoped that way my deep sadness would fade. He had been in talks with Videoland again. They were thrilled with *Hannah’s Chaos* and were negotiating a second season.

  It had now been three months since we decided to take a break, and the die was cast: filming for the second season was in full swing. The last few days I hadn't felt well. "Flu," Lucas and I assumed. I had a slight fever and felt nauseous. It was the weekend, and we didn't film then, so I tried to sleep it off as much as possible.

  But Monday wasn't better. I managed to get one or two sandwiches down with great difficulty. Still that slight fever. And now fatigue had been added. Lucas had left me in bed and gone to the set.

  I suspected to protect me. After breakfast, I got dressed and took the bus. After an hour of travel, I arrived at the filming location. Lucas was apparently doing something else. When I walked in, I only saw Jonas, Sam, and Joyce ready and waiting.

  I walked onto the set again. I wasn't going to let a small fever stop me. We didn't have much time to deliver this season: the network wanted to air the second season in the fall. And this time, 24 episodes had been ordered.

  Lucas had written like crazy all summer vacation. He now had ten done, but he was certain that by the time we finished those ten, he would have written the rest. I had often told him that if it got too much, he should either hire more writers or stop. But he wanted nothing to do with either.

  He was always afraid that a team of writers could influence the course of the series too much and take it in a direction he didn't want.

  He walked in with a baker's bag in his hands. His eyes quickly found me. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

  "Working, just like you," I said a bit sharper than I meant. "Sorry," I said, hoping he wasn't mad at me.

  He walked over to me and stroked my hair. "Phi, you had a fever this morning and weren't feeling well. I can do the shots with just the family until you feel better."

  I shook my head. "I'm okay, really," I lied.

  I was constantly exhausted, even though I slept well. I got dizzy quickly, had a fever and a strange nausea. I chalked it up to stress, something I ate, or the flu.

  "Okay then," he said. "But if I see any sign of weakness, I'll drag you off this set, Sophia de Witte!" he snapped at me worriedly.

  The first three takes of the day went well. When we went for a fourth, I felt the nausea building. I didn't want to admit I wasn't feeling well, so I bluffed my way through. Joyce looked at me. "Phi? Are you really okay?" she asked. I nodded. "Yeah, nothing..." but I couldn't get the rest out. I clapped my hand over my mouth to make sure I wouldn't throw up on set and ran to the toilets as fast as I could.

  My entire breakfast came back up. After that, I was so exhausted I couldn't stand for a moment. "Sophia?" I heard Joyce say. "Phi, are you there?" I came out of the stall. "I'd say pale as a dishcloth, but that has more color," she said supportively. She put her hand on my forehead. "Slight fever," she concluded.

  "What else besides fever and breakfast that won't stay down?" she asked.

  "Fatigue?"

  I nodded. "Just a flu, you know," I said. "I just need to sit quietly for a bit and it'll be fine."

  We had just walked back onto the set when she looked at me. "Aren't you just pregnant?" she asked.

  I shook my head. "No way. I can't have children," I said, trying not to cry. I had promised Lucas I would let it go.

  "We've been trying for two years," I said. "We even had fertility tests done that probably show I'm infertile or something," I said. I glanced at Lucas. " just what I need right. Being a worthless wife," I muttered.

  "Where does that come from?" she asked. "You want children when you're married, right? You were practically pregnant right away." I sighted.

  "It just won't work for me." I looked at the ground. "And he deserves children. What if I can't give them to him?"

  He looked our way and saw us. His eyes sparkled. It felt to me like I wasn't worthy of the love in his eyes. Every month that I didn't get pregnant, I felt less and less worthy of his love.

  He came our way. "You okay now?" he asked, kissing my temple.

  "Yeah. Probably something that didn't sit well," I said.

  "You never told us you were trying to get pregnant," said Joyce.

  "Isn't that something between her and me?" Lucas asked.

  He looked at me. "Why?" he asked with compassion in his voice.

  "Going by what I see, Lucas," said Joyce, "I think you have something to celebrate."

  "Why?" Lucas asked again.

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  "Fever? Nauseous? Exhausted? All symptoms of early pregnancy," she said.

  "Yeah, and flu," I snapped and walked away. "Let her be. It's been tough," I just heard Lucas say.

  I plopped down on a chair.

  "Eaten a thundercloud?" Jonas teased.

  "Let her be for a bit, Joon," Lucas called.

  Jonas knelt beside me. "What's wrong?"

  I shrugged. I didn't even know myself anymore.

  I had hoped all year. And believed it could happen. But now that hope was gone. I had even given up doing those tests. Two years of seeing just one line every month made me depressed. And yes, my upbringing made me feel like a worthless woman, just like last year.

  I fiddled with the star around my neck and looked at Lucas and Joyce. They seemed deep in discussion. Lucas looked angry and walked away from Joyce.

  I felt tears welling up. In a week or two, we'd get the results on whether I could ever be a mother. I had resigned myself to hearing: *'Sorry, Mrs. De Witte, but you are infertile.'*

  Yes, we had talked about alternatives: adoption, donation, surrogacy. But I wanted so badly to carry it myself.

  Lucas came our way again. I felt like a deflated balloon.

  "What's wrong?" he asked softly. I dried my tears and put on a smile again. "Nothing. I'm fine."

  For an hour, we filmed takes of me and Jonas. I didn't see Joyce for a while, but suddenly she came back through the door with a brown paper bag in her hand.

  "Sophia, you're coming with me," she called.

  I shook my head. I didn't want a lecture. I knew myself that I was ruining my marriage with all this. I just wanted to do my work now, before I lost everything I loved.

  "Come on," she said again. She walked over, pulled me up. "Come on!" she called.

  With gentle force, she took me back to the toilet. "You're taking these three," she said, opening the bag, from which she quickly pulled out those familiar tests for me.

  I shook my head. "I don't want to," I said.

  I didn't want another negative test. That would just confirm I was worthless. I was already planning that if the doctor told me I could never have a child, I would run away. I wanted to give Lucas a chance to find a worthy wife.

  "Come on."

  She gave me a cup to pee in. Then she stood in front of the door. "I'm not leaving here until you've done those tests, lady!"

  "You'll be standing there a while then," I snapped.

  I fought back tears.

  "Come on, Phi," she said.

  I shook my head. "I can't, Joyce. I don't want to."

  She hugged me briefly. "Do it for me," she said.

  After more insistence, I decided to obey her and did the tests. Then she'd stop nagging. I didn't want to wait for the result and handed them to Joyce.

  "See, negative as always," I snapped, convinced they were negative.

  Joyce frowned at them. "I'm sor..." she started, but didn't finish her sentence.

  "You should take a better look," she said softly laughing. She pressed all three tests back into my hand.

  All three had two lines.

  She gave me a gentle nudge on the shoulder. "You never were a worthless wife to Lucas. But now not to yourself either."

  I didn't dare believe it at first. But they were really three positive tests. Was I really pregnant? I still couldn't believe it. I stared at the tests again. Three times two lines. Three times positive.

  At that moment, it sank in, and I started crying. Not from sadness, not from joy, but just because it was too much.

  I heard the door open and seconds later Lucas's arms around me. "There, there, sweetie," he soothed.

  "What did I say? I told you not to force her to do that test," he snapped. "I knew you'd just upset her."

  "It's okay, Phi," he said, stroking my hair. "If it doesn't work, it's okay. If we don't have children, as long as I have you, that's enough."

  Joyce suddenly burst into laughter.

  "What's so funny?" Lucas snapped.

  "That you might have to revise that last statement," she said grinning.

  "What are you talking about?" Lucas snapped.

  That was his personality. Once he was stuck in an emotion, he had a hard time getting out, and his ears didn't always seem to work either.

  She shoved the positive tests into his hands. "That's what I mean. But I'll leave the honor to my little friend there."

  I had calmed down by now and looked at him. "According to those things, I'm pregnant," I said, still sniffling a bit and somehow not quite believing it.

  It took him a few seconds to let it sink in, but then his expression changed from slightly angry to euphoric.

  He hugged me. "I told you so," he said, holding me tightly. "There's nothing wrong with you. Just patience."

  Joyce came over beaming. "Congratulations," she said. "I knew it. Symptoms matched."

  "Good, Lucas. Now your little wife will be a bit nauseous, so filming might take longer," Joyce said grinning.

  He laughed softly and took my hand. "That'll be fine," he said.

  "There is one problem though," he said as we stepped out of the toilet.

  "What, that you stormed into the women's bathroom?" Joyce said grinning.

  Lucas rolled his eyes. "I mean with the baby, smarty!" he shouted, making everyone on set suddenly go quiet.

  "Hannah can't really get pregnant if she doesn't have a boyfriend," he said.

  He looked around. "what?"

  I laughed softly. "I think they heard you," I said. "Come on." Hand in hand, we walked to the others.

  "I'd better tell them right away," I said. "I'm pregnant."

  At that moment, it sank in. I was pregnant. I was going to have a baby. Now I felt tears of happiness streaming down my cheeks.

  "We're having a baby," I said. Lucas pulled me into a hug and whispered soft calming words in my ear.

  "Finally," I said. "Finally, I'm pregnant."

  The cast and crew cheered briefly for us and hugged me.

  "How far along?" Jonas asked.

  "I don't know. I just found out myself, uh, three minutes ago?"

  Jonas playfully slapped his brother on the arm. "Good job, joggie!" he shouted. Lucas laughed softly with him.

  "Only, how do we make sure it doesn't get in the way of the series?" he asked.

  "Three options," said Jonas. "Hannah gets a boyfriend — I suggest our director."

  Lucas shook his head laughing. "We hide her behind big sweaters, bags, props, and ignore it."

  Lucas shook his head. "What if Linda gets pregnant?" said Lucas.

  "A fourth child for the Klein family, which could hilariously shake up the family dynamic," said Jonas. "Where Jannik goes completely crazy because, yeah, he's no longer the baby of the bunch. Cara starts mothering, and Mick just thinks it's stupid. 'Why another brat like that?'"

  Lucas nodded. "Exactly. And we can build the last 14 episodes toward that. Then it can be born in the third season if we get one," Lucas said with renewed energy. "Though we'll have to hide you behind stuff a bit."

  He kissed me. "But we'll figure it out."

  The rest of the day we filmed as much as possible. Lucas had come up with the idea that Hannah would get a sloppy sweater from Cara that felt so comfy she immediately ordered more so she could wear them often. That way, my baby could stay hidden for quite a while.

  Two weeks later, our fertility doctor called that we could come in.

  "I'll get straight to it," he began. "There's nothing wrong with you two. You're both perfectly fertile."

  Lucas nodded and kissed my hand. "We're aware of that by now," he said laughing.

  "Why?" the doctor asked.

  "We hated to cancel, but," he began.

  "She's pregnant," he added beaming.

  "Well, what great news! Shall I do an ultrasound for you? I was planning to anyway."

  I nodded eagerly. He led me to an exam table, put gel on my belly, and placed the device on it.

  After a minute, the room filled with a rhythmic thumping.

  "Two months already, wow. Started a month after our test," the doctor said smiling. "Strong heartbeat. Beautiful."

  He looked at me. "Take good care of yourself, get enough rest, don't do anything you wouldn't normally do. Eat healthy, drink plenty."

  I nodded.

  "Avoid caffeine, no red meat. Then it'll all be fine," he said. "I'll refer you to a friend gynecologist. She'll support you the rest of the way."

  He removed the device. "Then let me say: heartfelt congratulations."

  I smiled. For the first time in ages, I felt okay again — well, aside from the symptoms. But I took those in stride.

  Lucas took me in his arms.

  "If you're considering a second, I can assist you again if needed," he said.

  We thanked him for everything and went home. The nursery we had built would finally be used after all.