[ Part 2 of the Royalty & Loyalty Series ]

  [ Nymeria Town, 2187 ]

  There is never a dull moment in this town. When the blizzard died down a few months after I first met Roselka, it seemed as if everything was going to be alright. It's already been a year since we met, and the town's now in a much better state than before.

  The only thing that has stayed was the permafrost the blizzard left behind on the ground. Snow and ice remained for a long, long time. But that's okay. The snow and ice gives me something to look at when I'm bored.

  Gods, snow... Something that bores me when I get bored. I'm always bored... That's why there's never a dull moment in this town. Maybe I'm just that pathetic that I view everything that other people might view 'trivial' as something uniquely entertaining.

  After all, what's there that's different? We all live in poverty and we all shit, recycle the shit and make food out of it. We lack the necessary technology and the economy is as stable as the town's morale.

  And what can I do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing!

  Nothing has changed since the day I wanted to die. That feeling hasn't gone away. I still want to die.

  But I'm not allowed to, am I? Because this one person refuses to let me kill myself.

  Roselka Eria.

  The one who bears the last name of the Royal Family. It took a year for me to realize that she was from the Royal Family, or at least, related to the Royal Family.

  Are all people of the Royal Family so excruciatingly beautiful?

  Are all people of the Royal Family so full of hope? Are they just perfect Testharian beings while we are comparable to a mutt with no quality?

  Just a lifeless mutt.

  I hate myself.

  I just hate myself so much.

  I'm envious of everyone. Jealous of everyone. I hold no remarkable qualities other than being some hate-filled misanthropist. I hate myself and with it, I hate everyone.

  I hate my parents who treat me like shit, and now they're busy shoveling shit to feed us. I hate my brother who just stands and watches yet being praised by everyone.

  I hate everyone who hates handling bullshit, and the only one who hates handling bullshit is me.

  I hate everyone who hates everyone just because they want to.

  That's me.

  I hate just to hate.

  But I don't hate Death.

  I think that's the only thing I like alongside Roselka.

  She's a very nice person, but that's just her mask. She hates being here, and she has no future. I guess we're the same in a lot of ways, but unlike her, I was born with nothing.

  She was born with everything, and yet she has nothing.

  I hate people like her.

  I hate people who pretend to have everything but amount to nothing.

  I want her to hate life.

  I want her to experience the same things I've gone through.

  But even so, she understands me.

  I've always wondered how the Royal Family treats the peasants, but I never thought the Royal Family would care about someone like me.

  She was the one who helped me discover what my Soul-Spec could do. She was the one who trained me to the best of her ability, and she was the one who gave me hope.

  Roselka Eria.

  Roselka Eria.

  I hate her.

  -

  "The tree has a life too, so why punch it?"

  Roselka said as she walked up to me, her hands crossed together behind her. She's a weird girl, and I can't understand her sometimes.

  "If I don't punch anything else, I'll punch myself. Is that better?"

  I ask with furrowed eyebrows. The sight of her just irks me.

  The sight of myself irks me. My blood, my guts.

  Everything irks me.

  "Don't be like that."

  "Like what?"

  "Hateful."

  "... Come again?"

  "Hate, Asheera... Hate. It's all you're becoming. You're not bred to be a brute; you're bred to be the iron fist of hope. Hope, not hate."

  "What does it matter?"

  "Of course it matters. We all want to see a good ending, don't we?"

  "... Roselka... We stink of shit, we excrete shit, we eat shit, rinse and repeat. We're the lowest of the low. Who cares what kind of ending this shitstain of a town would have? This town can burn for all I care."

  If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

  With that said, I return to punching. I paid no heed to the crimson tears of my knuckles. Pain is what drives me to live. It's the only thing I can feel. Pain, and with that fuels hate, and with it fuels rage that I need to expel.

  But then, Roselka caught my fist with her hand.

  "..."

  She's a lot stronger than me. I've been training my body for months now, yet she's still stronger.

  "... Don't you want to see a world that doesn't revolve around shit?"

  She asks me. That question made me want to break down.

  "Don't you want to see a world that's not filled with hopelessness and dread?"

  "... Of course I do... But it's too late for me. I'm a lost cause."

  "Lost causes can be found."

  "No. Lost causes are lost. No one will ever find me."

  "Then I will."

  "Huh?"

  "I'll find you."

  I'll find you. That sentence echoed inside my head for a very long time.

  "I'll be the guardian angel you need. I'll be the mother you wanted. I'll be the sister you deserve. I'll be everything you want me to be. But I'm not going to let you go around punching stuff and hurting yourself anymore. You have a life! You weren't born into this world without a reason! You're meant to do something great!"

  "..."

  "Nobody has a gift but you. You can save this town from its demise... You can save me... You can save yourself."

  "..."

  "But please... get rid of the hate. You're not the only one who's suffering here. You're not the only one who's going through a tough time. We all are... So, please... I need you... I need you to be there for me, too."

  My anger started to fade away. My eyes watered. I want to hate her. I want to hate her so bad. She's just some princess who knows nothing about suffering. Or does she?

  No... she doesn't! She doesn't!

  So what if you can't see!? So what if you can't feel!? What bullshit YOU went through does not come CLOSE TO WHAT I WENT THROUGH! My entire family hates me! The town looks at me with contempt! I have NOTHING! And you think your suffering is worse than mine!?

  "Bullshit."

  I muttered.

  "You have no right to talk about suffering when you've been fed with a silver spoon your entire life! You're a princess! What suffering have you gone through!? What have you witnessed that you think you're on par with my suffering!? What parents left you in some desolate town to starve alongside other people when I've been suffering with it my entire life!? What Soul do you have that you can't even use because you're too pathetic to even try! WHAT PAIN DO YOU KNOW THAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN COMPARE IT TO MINE!?"

  "..."

  "... What do you know about suffering, Roselka!? Because all I hear from you is that you know nothing and you never WILL!"

  I yelled. The tree was gone from my mind. All I saw was her. Her perfect face, her unmarred skin. I wanted to ruin it. I wanted to bring her down to my level.

  "... I hate you... I hate you so much!"

  My voice cracked.

  "You're everything I'm not, and you don't even appreciate it!"

  ...

  ...

  ...

  ...

  ...

  ...

  ...

  I'm on the ground.

  My cheek burns... It burns a lot.

  It's warm.

  Very warm.

  ... I was punched. But even so, she looked at me with a smile and a tear rolling down her cheek.

  She looked like an angel.

  A fallen angel.

  "Asheera Falghis... You can eat, drink, smell, touch, hear, see, think, jump, walk, run, laugh, cry, smile, frown and you dismiss all that. You can do all that. And then you go around complaining about how much your life sucks."

  Her voice was trembling, but it still had that royal authority in it.

  She was looking down on me, but not with contempt.

  “I can't see. I can't watch the leaves fall down like you can. I can’t see the strobe lights turn colours and dance down like you can. I can't watch people hugging and kissing each other. I can't even begin to fathom what love looks like from a perspective of a person who can see. I can't see the stars at night, those distant dots of light you describe. I can't watch the snow fall from the sky or see how intricate and beautiful an individual flake is like you describe it. Like it’s something divine-made. I can't watch a movie, a film, a TV show or anything. I can't see my foster parents smile. I can't see the smiles and joys of the kids from the same foster family. I can't jump around and play because I can't see where I'm going or what I'm playing with. I can't go to work or even work or even help my town with labour because I can't see what I'm doing or where I am. I can't bear children because they'll suffer from the same defect, and I hate to lay that burden on them. I can't draw. I can't create art, let alone appreciate it. Gods, I don't even know what the fuck art is until someone explains it to me. I can't do anything that requires me to see. I can't do anything that requires me to feel. I can't understand half of what the world needs me to understand. I can't feel the wind hitting my face. I can't feel the water touching my skin as I shower or take a bath. I can't enjoy making a sandcastle because I don't even know where I'm making it or where it is. I can't sit like other people because I need to punch or tap a chair just to hear where it is. I can't feel if it gets cold or hot! I can't feel if I burn myself! I can't feel physical pain! I can't feel if I freeze myself! I can't feel if I break my arms, legs or even my nose! I can't feel the texture of the food, but I can taste it! I can't feel the touch of another person! I can't feel the snow hit my skin like you do everytime you lay down! I can't feel the pain from hitting a tree with my bare hands! I can't feel the pain when you get hit, but I can smell the blood from your wounds! I can't embrace you and know who you are by just feeling you! Do you understand how much pain and anguish that causes me!? How much loneliness I experience!? It's the worst kind of loneliness! It's a loneliness that even you cannot comprehend! I can't feel the warmth of a blanket wrapped around me! I can't feel the gentle pressure of someone holding my hand! I can't sense danger approaching unless it makes a sound! I can't tell if I'm standing too close to a fire or if water's splashing onto my clothes! I can't feel the weight of my own body to know when I'm exhausted! I can't feel my heart racing when I'm scared or excited! I can't sense the rumbling in my stomach that tells me I'm hungry! I can't tell if my clothes are torn or my hair is a mess! I can't feel the softness of a bed or the hardness of the ground beneath me! I can't experience the simple pleasure of running my fingers through grass or sand! I can't feel the sting of soap in my eyes or the relief of scratching an itch! I can't feel if my body is injured until I smell blood or hear a crack! I can't tell if someone is crying unless I hear their sobs! I can't see the world in different colours, just black! I don't even know what a colour is! I can't relate when someone tells me just how vibrant and amazing the world looks, or how amazing it feels! I can't, do you hear me!? I can't because I lack those things! I can't feel the gentle rain on my skin or the harsh sun beating down! I can't feel the vibrations of music in my chest! I can't feel the constriction of clothes that are too tight or the looseness of ones that don't fit! I can't feel my own tears rolling down my cheeks when I cry! Do you understand!? Do you understand what it's like to see void while everyone else experiences heaps of sensation and wonder!? I can't feel the rough bark of a tree or the smoothness of a stone! I can't feel the warmth of a mug of tea in my hands or the coolness of a glass of water! I can't even feel the water hitting my throat as I drink! I can't feel the itch of a mosquito bite! I can't feel the goosebumps on my skin or the warmth of a blush on my cheeks! I can't feel the soft fur of an animal or the rough scales of a reptile! I can't feel the sting of a bee! I FEEL NOTHING AND I SEE NOTHING AND I WILL NOT FOR THE REST OF MY PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A LIFE!"

  ...

  ...

  "... I can be everything you want me to be... A cry for help... a shoulder to lean on... But it's time you change yourself for the better. You can see. You can feel. You have a gift. You have a life. You have a family. You have me. So what if they're the worst of the worst? They're still people. You still have a chance to prove them wrong. You still have a chance to prove yourself. You still have a chance to prove the world wrong. You can be the Goddess of your own destiny. You can be the Goddess of your own fate. But most importantly... you can be free. And free is what you'll be."

  ...

  Is that all I've been doing? Just placing my hate on other people just because I'm suffering? Did I completely disregard what they have been going through? I've been using my suffering as something to hate everyone with...

  I just...

  I'm so pathetic.

  I just want to die.

  I can't even say anything. I'm left speechless.

  "..." I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

  "If you want to die, then die... if that's what you truly want then do it... I won't hold you back. I'll let you die. But if you want to live... then live! Make the most out of your life! You can see, you can feel, you can taste, you can hear, you can smell! You can do so much! You can be so much! So please... I'm begging you... Live..."

  Live and save us all.