Intern’s Log: Vicky Just Showed Up to Rescue Me, and I Don’t Know How to Feel About That

  Date: [Kidnapped, But Apparently Not for Long]

  Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (I don’t know whether to be relieved or terrified.)

  So.

  I was kidnapped by genetically enhanced panda men.

  ? They believe in “balance.”

  ? They think I have disrupted it.

  ? They do not like Bandit.

  ? They are deciding what to do with me.

  I had no escape plan.

  No weapons.

  No way out.

  But apparently?

  I did not need one.

  Because Vicky just walked in.

  Like she owned the place.

  Like she wasn’t grossly outnumbered.

  Like she wasn’t standing in a room full of combat-trained bioengineered pandas.

  And she smiled.

  "Ah. There you are, darling."

  Phase One: The Pandas Were Not Expecting Her

  I was just as surprised as they were.

  Because there she was—

  ? Vicky.

  ? Perfectly composed.

  ? Wearing some kind of ridiculously elegant tactical jacket.

  ? Smirking like she was bored with the whole situation.

  And the pandas?

  They actually hesitated.

  Because Vicky does not move like Bandit.

  Bandit is loud, unpredictable, chaotic.

  Vicky?

  Vicky is controlled. Measured. Cold.

  And that?

  That is so much worse.

  Phase Two: The Most Unsettling Conversation of My Life

  The lead panda finally spoke.

  "You do not belong here."

  Vicky tilted her head slightly.

  "No, but he does."

  She looked at me.

  I felt my stomach drop.

  Because her expression didn’t match her tone.

  Her words were casual. Playful.

  But her eyes?

  Her eyes were dangerous.

  And the pandas saw it too.

  Phase Three: The Ultimatum That Wasn’t

  "We are deciding what to do with him," the panda said.

  Vicky smiled.

  "Oh, no, no. You misunderstand."

  She took a step forward.

  "You are not deciding anything."

  The room got very, very quiet.

  The pandas shifted slightly.

  Because suddenly, it wasn’t about me anymore.

  It was about her.

  And Vicky was not afraid.

  Phase Four: The Part Where I Realize I Am the Damsel in Distress

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  One of the younger pandas growled.

  "You do not command us, vixen."

  Vicky laughed softly.

  "Oh, you think this is a command?"

  She lifted her hand.

  Snapped her fingers.

  And that’s when I heard it.

  The sound of weapons being drawn outside.

  The pandas heard it too.

  Because suddenly, they weren’t so sure they had control of the situation anymore.

  Vicky just sighed dramatically.

  "I told them to wait outside, you know. But patience isn’t really their strong suit."

  I blinked.

  "Who the hell is ‘them’?"

  She grinned.

  "Oh, darling. You didn’t think I came alone, did you?"

  Phase Five: The Cavalry Has Arrived (Apparently Led by a Raccoon Warlord)

  There was a sharp whistle from the hallway.

  Then—

  "OI, PANDAS! YOU HAVE SOMETHING OF MINE!"

  I groaned.

  Because I knew that voice.

  A second later, Bandit waltzed in.

  Waltzed.

  Like he was walking into his own palace.

  And behind him?

  ? Goldie, standing like an immovable wall.

  ? Cairo, already vanishing into the shadows.

  ? A squad of raccoons, looking way too eager for a fight.

  ? A very unimpressed Evelyn, arms crossed.

  Bandit grinned at the pandas.

  "You know, I’m usually a peaceful guy."

  That was a lie.

  "But when someone steals my favorite human, I get a little testy."

  The lead panda sighed heavily.

  "This was not necessary."

  Vicky tilted her head.

  "Oh, but it was."

  And just like that—

  the pandas had lost.

  Phase Six: The Aftermath (and My Very Confusing Feelings)

  The pandas let me go.

  Vicky didn’t look back as she walked me out.

  Bandit?

  Bandit shot finger guns at the pandas on the way out.

  "Pleasure doing business, boys!"

  I am never going to be able to return to China.

  Phase Seven: The Part Where I Have to Process What Just Happened

  As soon as we were far enough away, I turned to Vicky.

  "So… you came to rescue me."

  She rolled her eyes.

  "Don’t sound so surprised."

  "I just—I mean, I didn’t—"

  She smirked.

  "Oh, darling. We both know you’re mine."

  I choked on air.

  Bandit cackled.

  Goldie raised an eyebrow.

  Evelyn?

  Evelyn just grinned.

  I hate all of them.

  Final Thoughts (I Need a Drink and a Nap)

  ? I was kidnapped by genetically enhanced panda men.

  ? Vicky showed up like a villain in a spy movie and demanded my release.

  ? Bandit turned it into an international incident.

  ? I am apparently Vicky’s now??

  ? I don’t know what to do with this information.

  I don’t know what happens next.

  But I do know this—

  I am never living this down.

  End Log.