Intern’s Log: Evelyn Just Called Me the ‘Jerry Reed to Bandit’s Burt Reynolds’—What Does That Even Mean?!

  Date: [Confused]

  Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (I am losing control of this narrative.)

  So.

  I was processing the fact that I was just rescued from panda-men by:

  ? Vicky, who acted like a Bond villain.

  ? Bandit, who absolutely made this worse.

  ? Goldie, who is now officially on every government watchlist.

  ? Evelyn, who enjoyed all of this way too much.

  And as we were walking away from the wreckage that is my life, Evelyn just casually says—

  "Do you realize you’re the Jerry Reed to Bandit’s Burt Reynolds?"

  I blinked.

  "What."

  She just grinned.

  "You heard me."

  I heard her.

  I just didn’t understand what the hell she meant.

  Phase One: What Does That Even Mean?!

  "Evelyn, I need clarification."

  *"Oh, Reynolds. Sweetheart." She smirked. "You’re the sidekick. The responsible one. The guy trying to keep up with the absolute train wreck that is Bandit."

  I stared at her.

  "That… that can’t be right."

  She laughed.

  "Really? Who just got kidnapped because of Bandit’s nonsense?"

  "…Me."

  "Who constantly has to fix the problems Bandit causes?"

  "…Me."

  "Who is always one step behind him, just trying to keep the disaster manageable?"

  "…Me."

  Oh.

  Oh no.

  Phase Two: The Realization I Am a Sidekick

  I stopped walking.

  Just stood there.

  Staring at the sky.

  This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

  Processing.

  Bandit turned around, confused.

  "What’s up with him?"

  Evelyn smirked.

  "Oh, he’s just realizing he’s not the main character."

  Bandit snorted.

  "Wait, wait, you thought you were the star of this story?"

  I glared.

  "I—I am NOT the sidekick!"

  Bandit patted my shoulder.

  "Sure, bud."

  I hate him.

  Phase Three: The Breakdown of the Roles

  I went silent for a minute.

  Then, finally—

  "Okay, walk me through this."

  Evelyn grinned.

  "Alright. Smokey and the Bandit. Classic film. One reckless, charming outlaw—Burt Reynolds as the Bandit. One smart, capable but slightly outmatched partner—Jerry Reed as Snowman."

  I narrowed my eyes.

  "And you’re saying—"

  "Bandit is Bandit, obviously."

  "Right."

  "And you, my dear, are Snowman."

  "No."

  "Yes."

  "I refuse."

  "Refusal is denial, denial is acceptance."

  "EVELYN, I AM NOT A SIDEKICK!"

  Bandit was grinning so hard his face might split in half.

  "Oh, I love this revelation."

  I am in hell.

  Phase Four: The Part Where I Try to Fight It

  "Look, I am not just some supporting character to Bandit’s chaos."

  Bandit looked at me.

  "Really?"

  "Yes!"

  "Then why do you follow me everywhere?"

  "I DON’T FOLLOW YOU, I CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!"

  "Exactly."

  Shit.

  Phase Five: The Part Where I Accept My Fate

  I dragged a hand down my face.

  "So what does that make you, Evelyn?"

  She thought about it.

  Then just smirked.

  "Oh, I’m just here for the ride."

  Of course she is.

  Of course.

  Final Thoughts (I Am Never Living This Down)

  ? Evelyn has shattered my worldview.

  ? Bandit is enjoying this way too much.

  ? I have accidentally become the sidekick to a raccoon warlord.

  ? I do not know what this means for my dignity.

  ? But I do know this—

  I am never going to hear the end of it.

  End Log.